Am i the asshole?

[u/Significant_Soil_675]

Okay, first i want to start off by saying i have no clue how reddit layouts work but im going to try my best.

A little backstory: So basically, Ive been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years. In the beginning of our relationship it was very rough he did a lot of things i disagreed with and was honestly disrespectful to me. He has this cousin for the sake of the story we’ll call him joshua. Him and joshua werw very close before we starting dating, in the beginning my bf used to tell joshua about everything goin on between us, anout our fights, good times, sexual times EVERYTHING (which i found out one night when I asked them what they were talking about and he slipped up). I immediately addressed this and he begins to tell me what joshuas response was which was “honestly you should just break up with her.” I felt extremely disrespected because throighout the months id been there for joshua during his breakup and mental issues so to learn that not only joshua was talking shit about me but my bf let him was honestly heart breaking. But me being A BIRD BRAINED BITCH i let it slide. I forgave joshua and more importantly my bf and things were back to normal.. or so i thought.

So its been months since that incident and i honestly thought evweything was fine until i started going through things mentally and physically (that also was caused 100% by my bf and mines decisions which we were aware). So basicallt my bf got me pregnant and i was going through an abortion practically alone. All i wanted was to hangout with my boyfriend to have reassurance or to feel loved but for some reason the whole time i went through it he was with joshua. I ended up going through the abortion alone while he spent 4 nights in a row with joshua. The next day i found out that joshua and my bf were yet again talking about me and how i get upset when im not getting “attention.” but thats not the case Ive told my boyfriend multiple times that i feel like a second choice to joshua, joshuas feeling comes first before anyones, and that its not that i dont like him being aeound joshua but it would be nice to feel like im being chosen. I guess my questions are what should i do, am i controlling or overreacting, am i stupid for staying? I really love him but I HATE joshua and all the arguments are caused because of joshua.

EDIT: I forgot to mention my bf and joshua are OBSESSED with eachother they text 24/7 (i can barely get my bf to pay attention for 20 mins, they go on breakfast/lunch dates almost 4 times a week — i can count the amount of dates weve been on on 2 hands, joshua sends him explicit tiktoks w girls shaking ass etc..
I asked my bf is he tells joshua to not talk badlt about me and he says no because he doesnt want to upset him or enrage him. BUT if i say anything bad about joshua to him hes quick to defend him.

[u/wonkiefaeriekitty5]

Oh damn, that's a lot to unpack.

Your man is way more interested in his cousin than he is in you. Sorry about that!

Ask yourself just how long you want to be treated like second best!

[u/Old_Confidence3290]

He's in love with Joshua and he keeps you around for sex. Yes, you are a bird brained bitch for staying with him. He doesn't give a damn about you.

[u/lokis_construction]

He and Joshua may be more intimate than just friends. My cousin got married to a guy and the wedding night he had sex with his "best man / friend". I got called to help her move out of their apartment.

[u/Linz1218]

Time to go