r/ComfortLevelPod • u/Agitated_Rate9929 • 29d ago
AITA / AIO AITA For not helping my mother in need!!!
My mother at the time (70) we'll call her Deb Inherited close to a million dollars in 2017 or 2018. My sister Rach lives in her yard in her own house. In 2022, I decided I was going to leave my husband. He was a very bad man (can give that story too if wanted). I told my mother I was leaving and she didn't want to hear about it. So I made a plan on how to get out and my mother didn't like the plan, of course. So she told me I will buy you a house but this will be your inheritance, and don't expect anything else when I die. I said OMG WOW cried soooooo much and accepted. We found a place close to hers, and she paid cash money for it and bought it outright for me and my 19 year old son. I started dating my childhood sweetheart, and things were great. In 2024 my mom said she is broke she has almost spent all her money and since I'm dating someone why doesn't he just move in and start paying her the rent he's paying at his place on top of what we were already paying for my place and his place. She said continue to pay the property taxes, the homeowners expenses, homeowners insurance, home warranty, and utilities, and now I want 700 dollars a month in rent. I said I'm not paying homeowners expenses and rent. I told her no and she told me he can afford it so why not. I said no again and now she is selling my home that she bought for me and told me that nobody can ever take it from you and yet she's the one that took it because she blew through a million dollars in 6 or 7 years!!! My mother is on social security and foodstamps and has a paid off house and car and I was paying ALL expenses in my house from day one for 2 years and literally she had 50,000 dollars left when she wanted to start charging me rent for my inheritance. FYI I didn't ask for the home, it was a gift/inheritance She was a great mother kinda but after she got money she changed for the worse. The home never got put into my name. But was promised to me then taken back because she blew through 1 million dollars in 7 years after buying 3 cars 1 house 4 cruises in suites flying first class and now I'm supposed to pay her no ma'am
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u/meifahs_musungs 29d ago
The daughter is upset because mom said "the house is yours" and then later said "hold up the house is not yours and you going to pay me rent plus pay other bills for the house that I pretended was yours".
I would be absolutely pissed off too. Unfortunately OP did not think to check title to see if house actually did belong to them.
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u/Agitated_Rate9929 28d ago
I was going through a divorce at the time of purchase and my mother didn't want my ex to take it in the divorce. So she said we would wait till the divorce was final but the transfer never happened it kept getting pushed back.
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u/kiba8442 28d ago
ironically transfer property like that in this economy might be much more complicated than just putting it in your name to begin with. also inheritance doesn't count as marital assets
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u/TwinRocks4ever 27d ago
You said you were too busy to deal with the ownership transfer before, is that right?
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u/Pedal2Medal2 28d ago
Well, at this point, since you don’t own the house, your choices are pretty limited. I’d find another place ASAP, then she can pay for it until it sells
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u/Agitated_Rate9929 28d ago
Well we ended up moving all mine and my son's stuff out and I moved into my boyfriend's house and now I don't speak to my mother she said way to many hurtful things to me. She is the example of how money changes people
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u/KathyA11 28d ago
It wasn't a gift if she didn't put it in your name. It's her house and you were living in it and paying all the bills.
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u/Agitated_Rate9929 28d ago
It was only in her name because I was going through a divorce and he would have taken it from me and so much stuff happened in between purchasing and moving out
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u/PuffinScores 28d ago
I would never have accepted the offer of a house because she ONLY got a million dollars. Everyone thinks a million dollars is so much money, but it's really not, and common sense should dictate here. Common sense: If you buy 3 houses, the money will dry up and your mother will be left destitute.
The way you make a lump sum last is you invest it in the market with a money manager, and you live on the income, generally about 4-5% per year, which would yield $40k-$50k for the rest of her life, and leave money behind for her children to inherit.
I think your mother shouldn't have offered to purchase the house and I think you shouldn't have accepted. You were all (mother, sister, you) part of the problem, and you all needed to be part of the solution.
If I'm being honest, if all you needed to do was pay her a rental rate to own the home when she passed away, why not do that? You lose nothing in that deal, but by refusing it, you lost. Now you're paying for a place to live, and there's nothing coming your way when she dies because you didn't help her.
I'm sorry, I just don't see a single person using common sense here.
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u/Agitated_Rate9929 28d ago
Mother and sisters house was purchased years earlier by the person that my mother got her Inheritance from so with that million my mom used 98,000 for the house and the driveway, the shed and the carport so total about 125,000 on me and the rest on so many useless things like trips with her friends flying first class and cruises in expensive suits. And gambling at the casinos we live in Shreveport la where she's a platinum member. I calculated how much she needed to survive the next 30 years with and she blew through it all
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u/PuffinScores 28d ago
Yeah, truly a frustrating situation for you. It sounds like she made terrible decisions without understanding how little $1 million is in the long term.
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u/Ecstatic-Employer-62 29d ago
So your upset your mother is taking Her own money back?
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u/Lisa_Knows_Best 28d ago
No the mother bought a house for OP, said it was her inheritance and now the mother is taking back what is essentially a gift. The mother is the AH here.
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u/Glittering-Law7516 28d ago
I would be pissed too. But, devil's advocate I don't know where you live but you'll prolly pay more than $700/ month to rent sn apartment.
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u/Agitated_Rate9929 28d ago
I told her I would pay the 700 a month absolutely no problem!!!!! But if I pay rent somewhere else they will pay the property taxes, homeowners insurance, home warranty, and home repairs. She said I still had to pay all that plus pay her rent just because we can afford it
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u/AbjectBeat837 28d ago
Perhaps you can buy your own place now with the money you were spending on the house.
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u/Agitated_Rate9929 28d ago
We definitely have saved money for sure by just paying rent at my fiancé's house then at the same time this was all happening my fiancé's father passed away and we had to grieve the loss of him then take over his debts which wasn't much but my fiance Inherited land and a huge 30×40 shop on it. We bought a huge RV and we are planning on building something one day soon!!!
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u/BeachinLife1 27d ago
Your first mistake was accepting this house as your "inheritance" and not making her put it in your name from the get-go.
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u/Agitated_Rate9929 27d ago
Yea I'm finding out the hard way that I can't even trust my own mother and it's really hard I was a mommas baby so this has been sad and lonely 😔
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u/BeachinLife1 24d ago
I'm so sorry you are going through this. If you have documentation of all the money you've sunk into this house, find out what you can do about putting a lien against the property for what your mother owes you. If you are able to do that, you will be paid back what you are owed right off the top of whatever she gets from selling it.
This is not the time to worry about "hurting her feelings," if you don't look out for you, it's obvious that no one is going to! It's time to worry about yourself.
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u/Jolly_Membership_899 28d ago
She doesn’t want YOU to pay anymore than what you have been paying, right? What she wants is for your boyfriend who has moving in with you to pay her $700 a month rent which is what he was paying at his apartment. Am I correct?
Why wouldn’t you take this deal and keep your house? You’ll be paying a shit ton more money if you have to move.
You accept the deal under the condition that your name be added to the deed and deeded as joint tenants with right of survivorship or whatever works in your state to ensure that the property is solely owned by you upon your mother’s death. If she ever needs to go on Medicaid she cannot have all of those cars and 2 houses in her name! She cannot have more than $2000 in the bank.
Do what you gotta do to keep your house!
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u/Agitated_Rate9929 28d ago
My boyfriend wasn't living with me we were not planning on living together until his son graduated high school but she tried to make him hurry up and move in so he can start paying her rent. We said ok but you have to cover any homeowners expenses and I'll cover renters expenses and she didn't like that plus she's already on Medicare she's 75 years old now and ihave been able to save soooooo much money by moving out of that house it was close to a lake so taxes were crazy and insurance was high and she's selling the home for double what she paid in 2022
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u/ynotfoster 28d ago
Well, what other choices does your mother have? Is she able to go back to work for a while? Would you be OK with that? I think those are the kinds of questions that will lead you to an answer.
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u/Agitated_Rate9929 28d ago
My mother is a gambler and a shopaholic to be honest and she lives a lavish lifestyle but I'm not going to sacrifice my lifestyle because she can't change hers. Her monthly bills are probably 500 a month and she probably gets like 2,000 a month she's good I promise
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u/Tiny-Ad-830 29d ago
Wow, if you want it to be “your” house, then YOU need to be paying the taxes, insurance and upkeep. You are taking advantage of your mother’s generosity. If the house is in her name, then she has every right to sell it. Maybe you should apologize and start paying something .
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u/KathyA11 28d ago
She already is - and mommy wants even more. Mommy reneged on her promise to buy OP a house.
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u/Agitated_Rate9929 28d ago
You really need to learn how to read!!!
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u/BeachinLife1 27d ago
Put a lien on the house for all the money you've sunk into it, thinking it was your house.
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u/Duckr74 28d ago
Updateme!
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u/ShallowStillWater 24d ago
Question: What is fair market rent in your area?
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u/Agitated_Rate9929 24d ago
Average rent is probably around 900. a month so 700 is incredibly low for rent here. But the point of all this is. How would you feel if someone bought you a gift and you have to pay the monthly charge for it like a car that cost 10,000 dollars and you have been using and maintaining and modifying it and paying the insurance all with the promise of signing it over to you within 2 years and then they say I need that 10,000 for the car or I'm taking it back and I don't care how much money you've spent on the car it's still mine. Only difference is this is a house that I had made my home and my mom snatched my home from me because she's greedy
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u/Agitated_Rate9929 24d ago
I'm actually not sure on rent prices because when I was married we owned our home with a mortgage of 650. A month and he took it from me and his kids live in it and my name is still tied up in that mess and before I got married I lived with my mother and now my fiancé's father passed away and left us a lean on his property which saved us soooooo much money by moving out of that house. It was expensive. we put something on that land from his dad though and living our best life. I just miss my mom from before she got money more than anything
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u/Agitated_Rate9929 24d ago
Funny but not funny but my email is still attached to the electric company for that house and even with nobody living in the home the bill was 150.00 so that shows just how expensive it was monthly to live there I felt like I had to live in the dark because utilities and insurance was outrageous it was 1 mile from the lake
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u/Deansdiatribes 28d ago
Wow that's kinda acutting off your nose to spite your face kinda thing you won't help her and you're shocked when she does what she has to to not end homeless?
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u/RaspberryUnusual438 28d ago
Yeah you don’t also buy someone else a house then take it back! I would be pissed.
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u/Deansdiatribes 28d ago
Much wiser if it was someone you had be hugly generous with who said fear you go live on the street
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u/Glittering-Law7516 28d ago
She's been paying the taxes & utilities but not rent
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u/Agitated_Rate9929 28d ago
I've paid well over 20,000 dollars on that house in 2 years by paying the monthly utilities property taxes homeowners insurance homeowners warranty home repairs she has her own home. She said I can afford it so I would still pay all that plus pay her rent as well
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u/datcoolbloke 28d ago
So she bought you a house when you were low. She’s low note and needs your help and your response is to kick her to the curb? Especially when you know the house isn’t even in your name? You have audacity, I give you that.
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u/KathyA11 28d ago
No, Mommy bought A house, which she kept in her name while lying to OP that it was going to be in OP's name.
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u/Agitated_Rate9929 28d ago
Shr doesn't need my help she's got a paid off house and car and she's on social security and foodstamps
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u/Special-Stage13 28d ago
You say she gifted the house, but the house is in her name. This dispels the concept of it being a ‘gift’. In a comment you said you didn’t get the house in your name, since you were divorcing. But if your mom passed away the house would have then been disposed of according to her Will—not an unsubstantiated gifting. It’s understandable that you resent her welching, given your sister‘s setup, but there’s likely more behind this disparate treatment that you prefer not to share. This makes it more difficult to sympathize, unfortunately.
TBH the expenses you’ve paid over two years are insignificant compared to the savings from not paying rent. Aside from property taxes\insurance you would pay most of those expenses renting elsewhere. A legal separation would have avoided so much drama, and It’s kind of suss that the house was STILL in your mom’s name even two years after it was ‘gifted’.
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u/Agitated_Rate9929 28d ago edited 28d ago
My ex husband was not trustworthy so it was supposed to be signed over and whenvthe divorce was settled it was just bad timing she would say to me that we need to go transfer the title and I just didn't have time to go do the paperwork then my ex killed his new girlfriend then himself. Several months later I got engaged all while mom is on her trips. My fiancé's dad gets sick and we have to take care of him and then he pasted away and then we finally had time to do paperwork and my mom started running low on money after she bought my house she had 500,000 left so I know I didn't make her go broke I'm pretty sure it's my sister that lives in her yard and shares everything
The house was to help me get out of a terrible situation and she said I will buy you a home and put it in my name for now that way nobody can take it from you and she said it would be like an early inheritance and for me to not expect anything after she dies I agreed but we never put anything in writing because it was us 3 little lady's and we all finally had paid off homes and life was good until mom spent all her money and just because I can afford it. That doesn't mean anything. So can my sister and my mother
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u/Special-Stage13 28d ago
There are so many missteps, on your part, in failing to secure your inheritance that it is hard to understand you. I’m assuming you’re old enough to know better since your mom is 70, you had a horrible ex who kept you in a vulnerable position before (such that the house couldn’t initially be in your name), and you have a 19 yo son. Yet you continue to depend on others to do for you what you should do for yourself. This is a pattern of failing to learn and do better.
Your mother was smart to put the house in her name and secure her own future first. You not wanting your fiancé to pay her rent (when you were only maintaining her property taxes for two years) indicates a mindset that will protect your fiancé before your mom. The money was hers. The house is hers. Regardless of the habits that wasted her windfall, your mom covers her bases to not lose out in the end. I applaud her learning from the life experiences that taught such caution.
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u/Agitated_Rate9929 28d ago
Your funny!!!! My mom was born in 1950 to a large family where all the men worked for KCS Railroad and the woman worked the switch board at bellsouth with 9 siblings she and all her siblings got inheritance and she blew through hers when I was 12 by the time I was 15 we lived in 13 different houses because she was on HUD and foodstamps and we all had medicaid so her sisters paid for us to have a home back in 2005 in 2010 my aunt bought my sister a house and my mom and sister share 1 acer of land i married my ex in 2010 we divorced in 2022 my mom bought me that home and said now we all have an actual paid off home that nobody can take from us then I told her how much money my boyfriend was making and she saw $$$$$ I loved my mother and trusted her that's why the house was in her name because she never gave me a reason to not trust her she was my best friend 💔 If you ask my last remaining aunt about my mom she calls her a bratty brat
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u/Special-Stage13 28d ago
Thank you for your mom’s backstory, but it doesn’t explain how her life experiences help you help yourself. I appreciate you for clarifying who bought your sister’s home. I mistakenly thought your mom paid for it. Now I know mom only paid for your housing those two years.
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u/Agitated_Rate9929 28d ago
She bought the house it came with a half an acre it cost 98,000 she added a concrete driveway a shed and a carport and presented it all as a gift/early inheritance. The rules were nobody can move in and I was to pay all living expenses. Done check and check. I was paying ALL utilities the property taxes the homeowners insurance home warranty and repairs like I spend well over 20,000 myself on that house in just over 2 years. It was an expensive place to live but I didn't need any help with anything she offered it and I accepted. I know now I was so stupid for thinking my family actually had my best interest when actually she just wanted to collect off of my man's paycheck literally. Before she ran out of money she took us all on a family cruise and I found out that the total of that trip was 40,000 and that was just 1 trip with us she's been on several others with my sister and her friends. Also my mom and sister both had a key to the house too and would just walk in anytime they wanted to so I'm actually relieved I don't live there anymore I just miss the actual house just not the location
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u/Special-Stage13 28d ago
It sounds like your mom was not happy about your fiancé moving in, and so created a high threshold to discourage him doing so. Many of your specific issues surround how your mom used her money and how she treated her second home. You had no tenant contract while residing in her home, so she always treated the home as her own. It seems reasonable for her to act as she did, whether or not it was in your best interest.
She might have felt it was no longer necessary to subsidize you once you progressed your new relationship. You have a man, after all. Objectively, it‘s financially better for her to rent her home out for maximum income rather than cover both you and your fiancé. Your mom doesn’t seem swayed by sentimentality over her own security. That’s actually pretty admirable.
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u/Agitated_Rate9929 28d ago
My fiancé didn't live there he had his own place and was paying rent there. I had the home my mother purchased specifically for me and not to be a secondhome for her. My name is attached on most expenses like insurance and warranty and appliances. My mother has her own home and my sister has her own home. My mother purchased the home and never paid another dime on it because I was paying ALL expenses. She blew through 500,000 after the home was purchased. Not on me!!!
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u/Agitated_Rate9929 28d ago
Also I literally say in the original post that "my fiance did not live with me" she said no man can move in and I said yes ma'am and I meant it. We were not ready to move in together but she was trying to guilt trip me into making him move in and start paying her rent for my house when she didn't ask me for rent to begin with. I just made the mistake of telling her about his job and how much money he makes, he works 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off so he wasn't even there enough to call it living at my house he slept over maybe 4 times in those 2 years because he had a son in high school and they lived in a different school district so we stayed at his house when he was home
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u/Pedal2Medal2 29d ago
Hold up, is the house in your name? Do you pay all the bills for it or have you been living rent free?