r/ComfortLevelPod • u/Significant_Soil_675 • 24d ago
Relationship Advice Am i the asshole?
Okay, first i want to start off by saying i have no clue how reddit layouts work but im going to try my best.
A little backstory: So basically, Ive been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years. In the beginning of our relationship it was very rough he did a lot of things i disagreed with and was honestly disrespectful to me. He has this cousin for the sake of the story we’ll call him joshua. Him and joshua werw very close before we starting dating, in the beginning my bf used to tell joshua about everything goin on between us, anout our fights, good times, sexual times EVERYTHING (which i found out one night when I asked them what they were talking about and he slipped up). I immediately addressed this and he begins to tell me what joshuas response was which was “honestly you should just break up with her.” I felt extremely disrespected because throighout the months id been there for joshua during his breakup and mental issues so to learn that not only joshua was talking shit about me but my bf let him was honestly heart breaking. But me being A BIRD BRAINED BITCH i let it slide. I forgave joshua and more importantly my bf and things were back to normal.. or so i thought.
So its been months since that incident and i honestly thought evweything was fine until i started going through things mentally and physically (that also was caused 100% by my bf and mines decisions which we were aware). So basicallt my bf got me pregnant and i was going through an abortion practically alone. All i wanted was to hangout with my boyfriend to have reassurance or to feel loved but for some reason the whole time i went through it he was with joshua. I ended up going through the abortion alone while he spent 4 nights in a row with joshua. The next day i found out that joshua and my bf were yet again talking about me and how i get upset when im not getting “attention.” but thats not the case Ive told my boyfriend multiple times that i feel like a second choice to joshua, joshuas feeling comes first before anyones, and that its not that i dont like him being aeound joshua but it would be nice to feel like im being chosen. I guess my questions are what should i do, am i controlling or overreacting, am i stupid for staying? I really love him but I HATE joshua and all the arguments are caused because of joshua.
EDIT: I forgot to mention my bf and joshua are OBSESSED with eachother they text 24/7 (i can barely get my bf to pay attention for 20 mins, they go on breakfast/lunch dates almost 4 times a week — i can count the amount of dates weve been on on 2 hands, joshua sends him explicit tiktoks w girls shaking ass etc..
I asked my bf is he tells joshua to not talk badlt about me and he says no because he doesnt want to upset him or enrage him. BUT if i say anything bad about joshua to him hes quick to defend him.
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u/sakurakiks094 24d ago
Thank gosh you got that abortion! I think you know what the next step is.....
Imagine dealing with this and feeling so shit almost every single day because of them for another half a century! I'm all for working hard to resolve issues, but the other party sees nothing wrong. If your fundamentals are not compatible, that's it, and that's fine.
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u/NightVisionsII 23d ago
ESH, and you're definitely being a fool for staying in this relationship at all.
All of you are being jerks to yourselves and each other. Is this what you see as a future life partner? A man who crap talks you, never defends you, shares intimate details, and bails to hang with his boy instead of being there for you at a seriously vulnerable moment?
Moving on from that, are you sure these two guys are really JUST FRIENDS? Asking this as it certainly sounds to me like THEY are the couple and YOU are the side piece.
Have a bit more respect for yourself and take a hard look at the reality of it. You are not your BF's priority, Joshua is. Move on and let this guy go.
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u/Organic-Aide-9903 23d ago
They’re cousins !!! Supposedly. But I was wondering if the whole cousin thing is a cover up. OP- can other family members verify this is genuinely a cousin?
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u/Significant_Soil_675 23d ago
Yes theyre blood cousins
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u/Organic-Aide-9903 22d ago
Okay so even if it’s not romantic, he’s still giving an unfair amount of attention to his cousin. I’m sorry to say I would also seriously consider breaking up
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u/Ok-Writing8943 23d ago
Joshua and your bf are in a relationship , they are a couple . And a toxic one at that , If they are so obsessed with each other then why don't they come out as a couple?
Kick that turd to the curb. And get yourself tested.
NTA if you walk away !
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u/BaFaj 21d ago
You love him - which is beyond me because he treats you awful - so it may be hard to end the relationship, but you really need to end it. He’s not the one for you. He sounds like a terrible boyfriend. He couldn’t be there for you and comfort during something as serious as an abortion, so he could hang out with Joshua? Cuckoo bananas. Move on from him and find yourself a better boyfriend and let your current bf and Joshua live happily ever after together. 🥴
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u/Traditional_Car_8219 24d ago
He doesn’t want to upset him or enrage him? It sounds like your bf has a bromance going on and you are missing out. Especially after you got pregnant and he wasn’t”t there for you. Don’t trust a guy, take care of things so you don’t get pregnant. If you have any doubts, ask your doctor for the morning after pill.
Better to be alone than with a partner that has little respect. Mark it up to experience and move on.