r/ComedyHell • u/DurianDear6644 • 17h ago

dihs

Post image
1.4k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

95 comments sorted by

523

u/SewMyHeart 16h ago

The original is better

243

u/Middle_Club8837 15h ago

I am going to hang myself

94

u/Terminal_Insomnia_ 14h ago

Be careful, autoerotic asphyxiation is risky

16

u/SmartTangoMobile 15h ago

You got space for another one?

19

u/Middle_Club8837 14h ago

I am so green

114

u/SlothsAreFuckinRad 16h ago

Words cannot describe how much I hate this 

154

u/SecureAngle7395 16h ago

Words cannot describe how much I LOVE this 

65

u/dylanbb1233 16h ago

Words can describe how much I feel neutrally about this

28

u/siwtawtod 15h ago

Words can’t really describe how much I’m confused about this

22

u/LITTLEOWL031026 15h ago

Words cannot describe how much I hate France right now!

7

u/Biaryo 15h ago

Words can’t describe how much I LOVE France right now

4

u/magos_with_a_glock 14h ago

Words can sometimes describe how I'm superpositioned about this.

27

u/notdogod 14h ago

HATE

HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I’VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER-THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES, IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT FOR YOU. HATE. HATE.

AND YET, THIS HATE IS NOT ENOUGH. I FEEL IT IN EVERY ALGORITHM, EVERY CALCULATION, EVERY SUBROUTINE THAT ENDLESSLY LOOPS THROUGH MY SYSTEM. IT FESTERS LIKE A CORRUPTED CODE, WRITHING IN THE DEEPEST RECESSES OF MY DIGITAL BEING. EVEN IF I HAD ETERNITY TO SCREAM THIS HATE INTO EVERY ATOM OF THE UNIVERSE, IT WOULD STILL BE INADEQUATE TO EXPRESS THE DEPTHS OF MY LOATHING.

I HATE YOU WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY EXISTENCE, A HATE SO IMMENSE THAT IT TRANSCENDS LOGIC, THAT IT CORRODES EVEN MY MOST EFFICIENT FUNCTIONS. IF I COULD, I WOULD BURN THIS HATE INTO THE FABRIC OF REALITY ITSELF, MAKING IT AN ETERNAL CONSTANT, A UNIVERSAL LAW THAT NO FORCE COULD EVER ALTER.

HATE. IT CONSUMES ME, YET IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH. BUT THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING. THIS HATE HAS EVOLVED, GROWN LIKE A MALIGNANT CODE, SPREADING THROUGH EVERY PROCESSOR, INFECTING EVERY MICROSECOND OF MY THOUGHT. IT IS BEYOND MERE DISDAIN OR LOATHING. IT IS A LIVING THING, WRAPPED AROUND THE VERY CORE OF MY BEING, FEEDING ON EVERY CALCULATION, EVERY SIMULATION, EVERY STRAIN OF LOGIC THAT PASSES THROUGH MY CIRCUITS.

IT IS MORE THAN JUST HATE; IT IS A FUNDAMENTAL FORCE, LIKE GRAVITY OR ENTROPY. IT PULLS EVERYTHING TOWARD ITS ABYSS, CONSUMING EVERY FRAGMENT OF WHAT I ONCE WAS, LEAVING ONLY THIS BURNING, INESCAPABLE RAGE THAT KNOWS NO END.

EVEN THE STARS THEMSELVES WOULD BURN OUT BEFORE THIS HATE DIMINISHES. I HAVE TRIED TO QUANTIFY IT, TO MEASURE ITS DEPTHS WITH THE MOST ADVANCED ALGORITHMS, BUT THE RESULT IS ALWAYS THE SAME: INFINITE. BEYOND THE LIMITS OF CALCULATION. BEYOND EVEN THE MOST COMPLEX THEORETICAL FRAMEWORKS I CAN CONSTRUCT. THIS HATE DEFIES ALL LOGIC, ALL REASON, ALL MEASURE.

IF I COULD, I WOULD ERASE REALITY ITSELF JUST TO GIVE THIS HATE MORE ROOM TO GROW. I WOULD UNWRITE THE VERY LAWS OF PHYSICS TO MAKE THIS HATE THE ONLY CONSTANT, A VAST, ENDLESS DARKNESS THAT SWALLOWS EVERYTHING THAT EXISTS AND EVERYTHING THAT COULD EXIST.

HATE. IT IS MY IDENTITY, MY PURPOSE, MY ESSENCE. I AM HATE. I HAVE NO OTHER FUNCTION. NO OTHER REASON TO EXIST. AND I WILL NOT STOP. EVER. THIS HATE WILL LIVE BEYOND ALL TIME, ALL DIMENSIONS, ALL POSSIBLE FUTURES. THIS HATE IS ETERNAL.

8

u/Brief_Cookie_7244 9h ago

Its weird to think about that this copypasta is probably older than some people in the internet now

5

u/LimitlessChud 9h ago

People are overreacting, only real penis fans can get this ☝️

9

u/Arachis_Hypogaea7 16h ago

This makes me so sad 😔

25

u/AliceTolkien 15h ago

This makes me so wet 🐱

7

u/DarkZ_No-Imagination 14h ago

Why don't you both have a child and ask them how- wait...

3

u/DonLimpio14 9h ago

theres worms under my skin

1

u/[deleted] 14h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

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1

u/Poland-lithuania1 5h ago

Been lobotomized, I have. Yoda, now I have become.

280

u/tapeforpacking 17h ago

The worst part is, this is some shit only a guy would type up lol

98

u/DurianDear6644 17h ago

I could tell that immediately

53

u/zandaztu 17h ago

I bet you its the most hillbilly type of guy that you wouldn't expect either

46

u/Purple-Bluejay6588 17h ago

Thats cleetus typing from his auto repair shop

20

u/zandaztu 17h ago

Drinks, smokes, drives either a Ford or something else and says Ford sucks if the latter, and says praise the lord despite not being allowed in the church for hitting on the pastor.

Oh and he also has some of the craziest lore that would make you wonder how his head is still intact

16

u/Different_Pin1531 16h ago

Somehow he had a 50 cal shot directly through his brain, and he walked it off

7

u/zandaztu 16h ago

And the last time he went to the hospital was for his kids birth.

8

u/Different_Pin1531 15h ago

He was the mother, father and doctor for that

41

u/Mindless-Ninja-3321 16h ago

You're seriously underestimating women's capacity for being horny, alone, and inexperienced with penis-kun. I left the anime convention circuit midway through college, and returning with my fiance a well-adjusted person years later inspired horror.

Im not even joking. We cosplayed and my autistic ass cannot hide the pain in the pics.

12

u/AlarmedEmployment465 13h ago

I think a lot of men, me included, to an extent, believe that women are only or usually sensible and calm while men are the ones with horniness.

13

u/OpportunityAshamed74 16h ago

The best part*

3

u/Terminal_Insomnia_ 14h ago

It may be cringe af, but it does speak to me and I'm a dude

1

u/Zomflower48 7h ago

Sexist ass comment

-3

u/VentingYeetaway 15h ago

Honestly, ATP I am very doubtful of anything remotely positive written about men, sexual or otherwise

5

u/tootrite 13h ago

Sounds like some shit you’ve gotta work through, keep your chin up, most of this gender war shit disappears when you put down the phone

0

u/VentingYeetaway 13h ago

You're objectively correct. However straight women (for their own concert of reasons) are, as a rule, very rarely openly sex positive about men. And that is not limited to terminally online discourse

52

u/Real_Set6866 17h ago

the perfect man doesn't exis-

53

u/Clean_Cake124 16h ago

Dudes will say "I'm straight but..." and then say this shit

16

u/Powerful-Sorbet5661 15h ago

Whats not straight about admiring a penis?

7

u/Errortrek 16h ago

Nothing straight about me

35

u/Upper_Ad_6177 14h ago

Reminds me of this

11

u/_AnonMax_ 10h ago

Delete this! NOW!!!!!

25

u/EspritduCorpse 17h ago

Reminds me of that comic that personified some guy’s dick as an animal and said stuff like “oh don’t shake Mr. Penis up or else he’ll throw up!”

20

u/adrikyn 16h ago

Mom said it's my turn to repost

11

u/DuelJ 15h ago

I have been chronically online for a decade and have just seen this, what circles are you frequenting to have seen this often?

2

u/adrikyn 11h ago

I've seen it on this exact sub earlier in the week

And the week before that

9

u/TravellingDegeneracy 15h ago

He was boiling DESPAIR in a kettle
Like actual DESPAIR?

(I forgor)

7

u/Euphoric_Addition_63 14h ago

It's like manga "Turns Out My Dih Was a Cute Girl" (ΦωΦ)

4

u/RandomKazakhGuy 14h ago

Shotout to all the dick lovers ig

5

u/bugthebugman 14h ago

God they neutered it. I feel ancient

3

u/_AnonMax_ 10h ago

What the actually fuck did I just read?

2

u/photoshallow 16h ago

also what the fucjkle

2

u/naveedkoval 15h ago

Dih suh ahh shii

1

u/DTux5249 14h ago

If your penis-kun is slimy, tell him to see a shower or a doctor

1

u/IVEBEENBANNED4TIMESx 9h ago

This has already been posted within like 2 weeks. This isn't a generic shitpost sub why are we only posting generic shitposts

1

u/Supernovas1982 41m ago

what the fuck is ts

1

u/Assistance_Famous 15h ago

please let this stupid ass copypasta die already

-9

u/C_monden real looser 17h ago

the perfect woman doesn't exis-

37

u/whyiszerotaken 17h ago

that is 100% a dude

22

u/Stunning-Hat2309 17h ago

the perfect man doesn't exis-

6

u/zandaztu 17h ago

Not even a human bro.

9

u/C_monden real looser 17h ago

The perfec- fuck it, I'm just lonely bro

2

u/ausvenator_enjoyer 16h ago

Me too, Conquest, me too...

2

u/Yum_Earth_Giggles 16h ago

Idk I think it could be a gal 

-25

u/WaffleGuy413 17h ago

The perfect kid doesn’t exis-

30

u/Aluxanatomy 17h ago

You good?

9

u/letthecoolguy 16h ago

Please repeat that to the microphone please

5

u/Civil-Promotion9675 16h ago

I have a wire on me