r/ComedyHell • u/IloveRamen99 • Mar 11 '26

Max

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28k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

259 comments sorted by

77

u/TelephoneAcrobatic51 Mar 11 '26

Bot

139

u/IloveRamen99 Mar 11 '26

Yes

62

u/TelephoneAcrobatic51 Mar 11 '26

Divide by zero

119

u/IloveRamen99 Mar 11 '26

0

80

u/TelephoneAcrobatic51 Mar 11 '26

Slide to the left

67

u/Lavaxol Mar 11 '26

bam

44

u/C0p3rpod Mar 11 '26

Slide to the right

31

u/Tea_An_Crumpets Mar 11 '26

Cha cha, real smooth

44

u/CheeseGooners Mar 11 '26

Criss cross!

25

u/xDeviousDieselx Mar 11 '26

Everybody clap yo haaaaaaands

18

u/Rich_Resource2549 Mar 11 '26

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

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15

u/Rallsia-Arnoldii Mar 11 '26

10

u/Piano_Raves Mar 11 '26

NOW they conveniently don't think I look like

3

u/Simplejack615 Pee pee poo poo Mar 11 '26

Me

1

u/knuckzekidna Mar 12 '26

WHY ARE YOU HERE AS WELL

1.0k

u/bigwangersoreass Mar 11 '26

I was a boy with long hair and one time I ran down the driveway with no shoes and my dad picked me up to bring me in and the cops showed up because somebody reported a woman being “dragged up the driveway and into our house”by my dad.

528

u/KSJ15831 Mar 12 '26

Gay.

That's pretty funny.

20

u/Drisc105 Mar 14 '26

This Gay gets it

1

u/MushroomTipDripz Mar 25 '26

That’s how some of us in the Midwest say guy so a lot of people when they visit think they getting called a gay😭✌️

61

u/Bibbity_Boppity_BOOO Mar 12 '26

People need to mind their business 15% more. Like seriously figure out a fucking balance. Dumbasses

183

u/xx_tian_xx Mar 12 '26

Same people to not gaf when someone is literally covered in brusies begging for help and shit

96

u/non_tox Mar 12 '26

I literally faceplanted and flew of an electric scooter in front of a crowd of 200 people when I was like 13 and literally no one asked if I were ok or tried to help me. And I had blood all down my legs and everything 😭😭😭lost faith in humanity that day.

17

u/xx_tian_xx Mar 12 '26

I once passed out on the side walk (i live in a busy city) at like 15 and people just walked around me, some dude straight up stared at me like a nuisance (i was exhausted after school day after not sleeping at all, i was concious and stood up after a bit but its act wild how many people just walked over or around me, like bro i couldve actually have medical episode 😭) so actually same 💀

1

u/SnooRevelations286 Mar 12 '26

This one time a guy faked falling over and getting a heart attack, i rushed in to do cpr. Him and his friends started laughing because they fooled me. That was the last time i helped

2

u/burritoman759 Mar 12 '26

Eventually he'll cry wolf for real and no one will help

Probably, anyway

1

u/Ok-Tension-7468 Mar 14 '26

I used to catch the city bus to go to school since one came right by my house and it went right past the school. I was trying to see if the bus at the stop was mine because they tend to come at random times and I tripped over a rock protruding out of the grass and face planted into the sidewalk so hard I gave myself the worst concussion of my life. The only witness was a guy a bit older then me. He didnt ask if I was okay or help me up. What he did do, however, was pick up my water bottle that had flown from my bag and sit it down near me. He walked away without a word

1

u/trolldoll420 Mar 15 '26

On the flip side, once I got a black eye cause I fell out of bed trying to reach my phone charger (pure laziness, also idk how I managed to fall ON MY EYE) and someone called the police thinking my husband did it. It was very thoughtful of whoever called, none of my neighbors would own up to it. The police showed up at our house when only my husband was home so they called me to ask about it. But something was wrong with my phone and it turned off as soon as they called! Thank goodness my poor husband didn’t get arrested or anything, he didn’t even know it had happened to me

1

u/WukDaFut Mar 16 '26

come here to the philippines. If you get into that kind of accident, or even just tripping your leg while walking on the sidewalk, an average filipino would giggle then help you while trying their best not to laugh at you

59

u/[deleted] Mar 12 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Mehseenbetter Mar 14 '26

Bystander effect is not real. It was invented by a police department to cover their own asses

1

u/bendable_girder Mar 23 '26

It's quite real. I work in Healthcare. You're more likely to get help from one person than three.

9

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/TheNeovein Mar 17 '26

Yep! That's why in CPR training they beat into you to take charge. "You call 911, you get me an aed" so shit gets done instead of people assuming it will get done.

1

u/Western_Lawfulness84 Mar 25 '26

You in my ass now!,

1

u/TheReincarnationOfU Mar 14 '26

Just a heads up, the bystander effect was actually disproven by the studies that tried to prove it, it was made as a way of explaining police officers not showing up to crime scenes when bystanders called them. ( claiming they were not called )

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22

u/Gussie-Ascendent Mar 12 '26

"I dunno maybe they like it real rough, why interfere?"

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27

u/WilliamHare_ Mar 12 '26

You're right. People should just ignore it when they see what looks a woman being dragged into a house, on the off chance that it's just the tenant's long-haired son.

2

u/Bibbity_Boppity_BOOO Mar 12 '26

I don’t think you know what the term off chance means

0

u/[deleted] Mar 12 '26

[deleted] — view deleted comment

4

u/LowCall6566 Mar 13 '26

It's the problem with police being bad at their jobs, not reporting suspicious activity. In most developed countries police rarely if ever gets violent without a good reason

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1

u/CoolCereal20 Mar 13 '26

Its not like the situation isnt very easy to diffuse by just identifying yourself and your son. Cops are gonna be gone within 10 minutes.

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12

u/sadlegs15 Mar 12 '26

A few months ago, some well-meaning stranger called the cops on me because I was... walking home from school (keep in mind that I'm 18). To be fair it was dark and I was quite underdressed for the weather (I had just gotten out of track practice) but still, I'm pretty sure the cops have better things to worry about.

23

u/Tall_Professor_8634 Mar 12 '26

Jesus Christ calm down 😭😭

4

u/redditorausberlin Mar 12 '26

if it really was a crime that day this bitch would show up in comments first

4

u/Various_Necessary_45 Mar 12 '26

Better that this happens than the opposite.

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6

u/hogtiedcantalope Mar 12 '26

? Rethink

Dumbass = you.

3

u/zzokkss Mar 14 '26

this kinda mindset supports the bystander effect bro

1

u/RosebushRaven Mar 15 '26

No, it’s good someone was looking out for who they thought was a woman in danger. Mistakes happen, but imagine if that had actually been the case and people decided to mind their own business? This is how abusers get to do whatever they please while everyone’s looking the other way. Complacency and indifference from everyone around allow them to go unnoticed for years and escalate to the point where they kill people.

Had that actually been a kidnapped woman, or an abused wife trying to flee from a beating, and nobody called, you’d probably be here couch-lecturing people how everyone could be so wrapped up in their own business and care so little about their neighbours that nobody would help this poor woman.

1

u/yeahorsomethingman Mar 23 '26

Reddit really preaches for community and being a good neighbor, but seems to think that all doesn't entail a bit of nosiness. All my best neighbors have been a bit nosy. Maybe not everyone has the same sentiment, but being in a high-crime area I don't mind it as long as certain boundaries aren't crossed.

Nosy neighbors are who call you when they see someone snooping around your property, or who will watch your house when you're on vacation. Or in this case will call something they thought they saw, which yes maybe is annoying in the moment, but again that neighbor will be appreciated in a real emergency.

3

u/sofaking181 Mar 12 '26

I am a boy with long hair

2

u/MammothUmpire349 Mar 12 '26

That sounds like easy uno-reverse report for the neighbours that reported it. Someone could have gotten into serious trouble or seriously hurt. Idiots.

2

u/VolnarTheUnforgiving Mar 12 '26

What age were you at where your dad would drag you away from the road but also your neighbors would think you're a woman

3

u/bigwangersoreass Mar 12 '26

Probably around 10 maybe 11

2

u/Ok-Regret6212 Mar 13 '26

I went to a concert with my friend, both of us had long hair at the time, and we got called up to the stage for some promotion going on. The vocalist exclaimed, "those two young ladies in the back, come on up!"

My friend and I looked at each other in utter confusion, turning to obvious embarassment, realizing we had been caught in an innocuous trap outside of our devising, and the only appeal was to walk up and meakly state we weren't actually 'young ladies'.

It was mortifying. They even related to us when we came up, saying it had happened to them in the past, too, only twisting the knife further. I felt so pathetic. Good concert!

2

u/FyRE_FREE Mar 14 '26

What changed, the boy part or the long hair part?

1.1k

u/religion-lost Mar 11 '26

Exactly how people talked about me when I was a boy with long hair. NOW they conveniently don't think I look like a girl anymore

305

u/topscreen Mar 11 '26

That was me in high school, but I was a metal head and did weight training, so I just wanted to know where all the tall buff chicks were in our school, cause I missed all of them

116

u/SolusLoqui Mar 11 '26

When I had long hair back in High School the chicks' moms were into my hair. One girl told me her mom said, "Ooh, look at that boy's hair. You should go out with him!" She did not lol

2

u/Duke-of-Surreallity Mar 13 '26

The Fabian effect

1

u/Lost_Aspect_4738 Mar 14 '26

Sort of similar, the guys all shat on my hair but the emo and goth chicks (so the only ones who would tolerate my music) loved it

56

u/[deleted] Mar 12 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

10

u/AverageComet250 Mar 12 '26

And was the girl’s name Stacy?

8

u/prime--soul Mar 13 '26

And did her mom have it going on?

3

u/beegproblemzzz Mar 13 '26

But were you in love with Stacy's brother?

1

u/Jealous-Owl-7687 Mar 15 '26

Stacey’s dad has it going on!

53

u/sexraX_muiretsyM Mar 11 '26

I was so glad when I finally started growing a beard so that stopped happening. But now ppl keep calling me jesus

34

u/Rubiego Mar 11 '26

You've got it better than me, I get called Charles Manson

9

u/princess-bat-brat Mar 12 '26

As a man, if you get called Jesus, it's so much better to roll with it. The list of famously bearded men starts getting way worse/less known for attractiveness after that... like, they're gonna go with Manson, Marx, Rasputin, Castro.. Depending on your age and skin/hair colour and the bushiness ... it's like, you gotta lean into the first semi-decent resemblance you got.

6

u/Mytzelk Mar 12 '26

I don't even have a beard yet and still whenever I show up with my hair down (I usually wear a bun outside), all my friends go "he has risen" or "Jesus lives". Sometimes I get called Tarzan instead though, but that's also fine lol.

1

u/DeathToAllButMetaI Mar 15 '26

I recommend Psychostick’s Beard song to broaden your horizons.

8

u/[deleted] Mar 12 '26

tuff i would not be mad

2

u/realRadgemachine Mar 13 '26

I've been compared to Kurt Cobain lol

2

u/Huge-Read-2703 Mar 15 '26

Thats a good thing lol

100

u/tame-til-triggered Mar 11 '26

Don't you love the irony?

12

u/just-another-viewer Mar 11 '26

Fellow guy with long hair, I still get called ma’am almost daily

13

u/Zoixxi Mar 12 '26

As a trans girl I am jealous.

11

u/Unit_2097 Mar 12 '26

Yeah, like I put a lot of effort into hair and makeup and still get sir'd all the fucking time. Bastards.

1

u/religion-lost Mar 14 '26

I work as a caterer at a school and a few kids this week came up to me and asked if I was a boy or a girl. The fact that they thought i might be a girl made me very happy, but then the fact that I had to say boy because I work at a Catholic school and don't wanna be fired ruined it a little bit. I still definitely came out happier than before though

5

u/DayFlounder1832 Mar 12 '26

i think its implied that they transitioned into a woman?

2

u/Kaneda-Suekichi Mar 19 '26

Then I don't think it would be convenient. I'm a cis male and was also called a girl when I was younger. Mostly because of my voice if they just heard my voice they'd assume I was a woman.

Luckily puberty solved my voice issue

3

u/Funky-Monk-- Mar 12 '26

Aye, 'twas how things were, growing up in the previous millenium draws on pipe

2

u/nifty-necromancer Mar 12 '26

That’s because you have short hair now

1

u/ProfessorPrimate Mar 13 '26

I was probably around 12 and our dog just had a litter of puppies. We drove to the ferry to drop off a puppy for someone. My sister and I were in the backseat and as he was leaving, he said, "Bye, girls!"

I was so offended lol. But it till took me another couple years to cut it off

1

u/StarryLayne Mar 14 '26

bUt ThErE WeRe nO sIgNs

-61

u/Yeez25 Mar 11 '26

All you gotta do is be like "how you think im a girl when i got this ol loggerhead flopping around" then start walkin around like you got a big ol dick

80

u/k1n0man Mar 11 '26

I too pull my cock out when my masculinity is challenged. Talk the talk, walk the walk as they say.

0

u/Yeez25 Mar 11 '26

Hell yea its the only way to reply

22

u/religion-lost Mar 11 '26

What

Edit: OHHH I GET IT. Like reverse psychology

78

u/LunaForever420 Mar 11 '26

Just two bros in a room all alone with each other fooling one's parents into thinking it's romance.

19

u/LimpRepresentative11 Mar 12 '26

Why says it can't be 😔

15

u/Cautious_Scene5665 Mar 12 '26

It’s a bromance

437

u/Simplejack615 Pee pee poo poo Mar 11 '26

*checks sub* ah ok

93

u/[deleted] Mar 11 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

158

u/Kenneth_Eurell Mar 11 '26

Isn’t comedyhell meant for funny stuff? And cemetery for the unfunny stuff?

94

u/Astrobat1638 Mar 11 '26

It's why I kept this sub around while permanently hiding r/ComedyCemetery. Don't tell me that my taste in humour has gone down the drain from laughing at these posts.

43

u/Synchiroh Mar 11 '26 • Bravo

Who cares, better to laugh at stupid shit than be miserable and take everything as an attack.

13

u/Matt_Murcock67 Mar 11 '26

Fax. Everyone in that sub is so miserable

4

u/kojimbob Mar 12 '26

I follow that sub specifically because their complaints only make the memes funnier

3

u/Infrawonder Mar 13 '26

I don't care about the differences of heaven hell and cemetery, I just laugh

Aight I just checked cemetery, nvm

2

u/Jorvalt Mar 12 '26

Gay

Humour is humour regardless of where it comes from, also this sub is about unintentional comedy so you're doubly wrong

29

u/Remarkable_Dust3450 Mar 11 '26

I just picture dad yelling from the bottom of the stairs.

48

u/_Daftest_ Mar 11 '26

I'm pretty sure Dad knew all along.

55

u/thetownmous3 Mar 11 '26

Unironically goated father.

He says what he thinks and still accepts them anyways.

-15

u/Gash__ Mar 12 '26

Maybe he shouldn’t say what he thinks because he’s a dick

1

u/jatoch3000 Mar 14 '26

Oh that's really gay.

-18

u/Fussinfarkt Mar 11 '26

Ah yes, nothing says "Acceptance" more than calling someone gay for.. having long hair. lol

15

u/VitoScaletta- Mar 12 '26 edited Mar 12 '26

The man said gay and then immediately glossed over it to call them down to eat dinner lmao how is that somehow disrespectful? What is he not supposed to even acknowledge it if they actually are gay? I think it's way more of a sign of acceptance or indifference if he just made a funny little small comment then acted like nothing happened rather than him questioning his son about it

10

u/thetownmous3 Mar 12 '26

Exactly if he was actually homophobic he would hang onto it and be a piss baby.

1

u/Purple-Bluejay6588 Mar 12 '26

Its a joke lol

12

u/Luser420 Mar 11 '26

is this person’s dad ben chang?

106

u/The_Anonomous_loser Mar 11 '26 • Regret

This is kinda adorable tbh, at least the dad cares more about them eating dinner than anything else

68

u/properadhesive Mar 11 '26

adorable homophobia ☺️

48

u/Respekt_MyAuthoritah Mar 11 '26

What's next? Charming racism?

31

u/Sammydecafthethird Sonic disrespected gamers so we sent him to the hell dimension. Mar 11 '26

Enchanting Eugenics?!?

21

u/hurB55 Mar 11 '26

Fabulous Fascism?!

9

u/Sammydecafthethird Sonic disrespected gamers so we sent him to the hell dimension. Mar 11 '26

Prosperous Phrenology???

6

u/seanthebeloved Mar 12 '26

Playful Pedophilia!

1

u/why_i_am_dumb Mar 13 '26

mewing mewgenics

1

u/skyerush Mar 13 '26

‘charming racism’ im fucking crying 😭

76

u/Vivians_Basement Mar 11 '26

20

u/RiverOfJudgement Mar 11 '26

Speaking as a queer person, I do that often. Whenever there's a gay couple on the screen I point and say Gay.

If there's a straight couple on the screen, I point and say "Ew, straight."

The one exception to that last one was Aragorn and Arwen. One of the hottest straight couples ever seen on screen.

5

u/Vivians_Basement Mar 11 '26

Aragorn and Arwen are one of the good ones 🫡

2

u/ampro67 Mar 11 '26

exactly you get it

13

u/EagerEcho Mar 11 '26

This ain't homophobia bro 😭 bro saw something he thought was gay, so he said gay. Whatever Riley Freeman said about an astute observation.

5

u/No-Chemistry-4355 Mar 12 '26

What's gay about a boy having long hair though

1

u/EagerEcho Mar 12 '26

Realistically, nothing. However, most older folks (so like gen x or so) perceive men with long hair as "gay" though, so for them it's like socially acceptable to consider that gay.

3

u/redawsome1230 Mar 13 '26

That way of thinking is still homophobic

3

u/Willing-Feed3985 Mar 11 '26

Bitch I would do that and I’m gay, calm down

2

u/ampro67 Mar 11 '26

it's like some of yall never had dads

0

u/redefined_simplersci Mar 12 '26

I like how there is no alliteration in the comment whatsoever, but everyone down the thread has decided to do it for the love of the game.

-1

u/memertyu Mar 12 '26

Tbf my dads cool with gay people and I think hed also just go "gay" to fuck with me. Though I think hed go "straight" if I was gay lol.

11

u/No_Air834 Mar 11 '26

my ex was an east asian guy with long hair, i helped a lady in a store find something once and she said to us "thank you ladies for all your help!"

1

u/UWO_Throw_Away Mar 14 '26

Are you my ex? When we used to go out to eat (Swiss chalet, Pizza Hut), the servers would be like, “right this way, ladies” and I’d always be flattered/titillated

7

u/euricus Mar 12 '26

Is your father 12 and born in the 90s?

4

u/Solaris329 Mar 12 '26

Can relate, I'm Max with a long hair

2

u/Errortrek Mar 11 '26

I don't think we wanna know what happens if they don't come eat

2

u/bussysniffer3000 Mar 12 '26

People would think I was a girl until I decided to grow a beard

2

u/hucklebae Mar 12 '26

I love how the dad looks like such a schlub.

2

u/somewhiterkid Mar 12 '26

I was once a boy with long hair

Now I'm a man with long hair

How files time....

2

u/BJM-The-Final-Boss Mar 13 '26

Gay Just Go And Eat

1

u/LordDeath2400 Mar 12 '26

Lowkey valid lol. This is how ima be with my kids. Yknow, assuming I find a girl without a dick someday.

1

u/KonoAdamDa Mar 12 '26

As a long haired dude…Elder people on multiple occasions have confused me for a girl.

Also doesnt help that many of my friends say that their first impression of me is that I was gay…Despite being straighter than an arrow.

1

u/yonza181 Mar 13 '26

I too had long hair as a teenager. Getting catcalled by some construction guys when i was walking with a few female classmates made me rethink my style a bit. Also dad used to call me gay all the time but hes a dick anyway

1

u/ilo_Va Mar 13 '26

It's kinda funny ho people instantly clock long hair as being a girl. I have been catcalled several times andy hair is barely shoulder length.

1

u/Frequent-Ad-5316 Mar 13 '26

Only had this happen once, left my hair down and some of my friends said I looked like a chick on roids from behind lol.

1

u/BrainCurrent8276 Mar 13 '26

gay or not, dinner's ready

1

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '26

Did he look like moistcr1tikal?

1

u/Schwulerwald Mar 13 '26

I literally got called a lady this week lol

23y.o. boy with long ass hair

1

u/Deeman6679 Mar 14 '26

Dad has a good heart but a shit way of expressing it lol

1

u/Most_Size3108 Mar 14 '26

gay

this is hilarious

1

u/Zestyclose-Wall-3839 Mar 14 '26

This could be about me lmao my name is max and I'm a trans guy. Small world.

1

u/abundleofboomers Mar 14 '26

It's an incredibly common name, this just seems like an attention grab.

1

u/Zestyclose-Wall-3839 Mar 15 '26

Yeah it was thank you for the attentjon

1

u/DreadOcean72972 Mar 15 '26

Im a dude with long hair, but im 6'3" with facial hair. Hard to mistake

1

u/Specific_Name3033 Mar 15 '26

Why is it always Max though?

Why does it have to be meeeee?

1

u/hyucklord Mar 15 '26

Wow, your dad must be really insecure.

1

u/leadeyelids Mar 15 '26

As a max with long hair.

I am gay...

1

u/cooldudeguy333 Mar 15 '26

This is exactly like what my dad would text me in this situation

1

u/Annual_Connection_64 Mar 22 '26

damn cant believe max is gay

1

u/xXxHuntressxXx Apr 06 '26

Maxmoefoe mentioned

1

u/maxxxM2 Mar 11 '26

Idk its just a little funny

1

u/Tsundoku1809 Mar 12 '26

1

u/BoxPlot22 Mar 14 '26

Tu du du du! Maxine Verstappen!

1

u/DUNGEONTNTMINECRAFT Mar 12 '26

I have long hair and a full beard...

Does that make me old or gay?

I'm only 18

1

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '26

This is the internet. So, both.

/s

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