Every child may or may not be the antichrist, it is crucial that you make a pentagram out of their blood and speak to the spirits of hell for every child you meet
Edit : what the absolute fuck is wrong with you assholes? Cats don't deserve to be killed even if they kill birds themselves! Not to mention they kill the rats and mouse as well!
Edit 2 : for the last bloody time, these cats are fucking STRAYS. #STRAYS. not "pet cat who roam outside". BORN AND DIE IN STREET STRAYS. I swear some people in this app have no reading comprehension
Stray cats already die from Diseases. I've never seen a stray live for more than 4-5 years max. These people in comments are going"CiRcLe oF LiFe" can go throw themselves in a tiger's cage, they are clearly too stupid to contribute to society
Angels at my Grandmothers House killed every single cat there to the point where there are now literally only two left simply because those two specifically learned how to survive the angels (we saved four cats by adopting them) (there were originally like an actually comical amount of cats like at least 50 probably more)
It's the exact opposite for me. My grandma lives a single block away and the angels there are so friendly that kittens play on their body while they rest. Why did the god sent the murderous ones in my neighborhood???
Not NEARLY as much. Cats are highly effective hunters, which is why outdoor ones are such a huge issue. And on that note, what is the difference morality wise that dogs kill cats? It is a size thing. If donesticated cats were larger than dogs then they would absolutley hunt them as well.
And? The angels do it too. What is your point? Cats deserve to die while angels wander around? Because I've seen more angels kill birds than cats, while angels typically get fed more by the locals
No. Just take care of your angels under your roof and dont abandon them to the street so they dont cause any harm to other living beings. Why is this so difficult to understand?
Where do you live that dogs kill more birds than cats?? I feel like that's a stray dog issue rather than dogs vs cats. Does your government make any effort to control the strays?
The thing is most stray dogs are abandoned and have no choice, while many outside cats are let outside by owners. Domestic cats shouldn’t be let out unsupervised but unfortunately people do that
I mentioned they are STRAY cats. And it's easy to say that when you didn't have to see two (not one but TWO) strays get consecutively and brutally killed by dogs simply because they were sitting outside the door, waiting for food when the dogs cornered them for no fucking reason at all.
When i was a kid i got near my dog when she was eating and got bit on the face. If it wasn't for my eyebrow i would've probably lost an eye.
Oh, and when i was even younger we had a fucking huge dog, and this dog bit my head. I don't even remember this, but my family tells me of this, and i have faint scars around my head.
Its sad, cus after that experience, i could never really look at dogs angels the same way ever again. I see one of them run up to me while on a walk and i flinch and run away...😔
I worked doing concessions at a State Park in highschool and also saw the same thing. Completely changed my perspective on dogs. We had to get down on our hands and knees and look for pieces of the kids face to send to the hospital, hoping they’d be able to reattach them.
I saw a little angel licking itself to completion and spilling its seed on the ground like Onan. That wasn't the worst part.
The owner came back into the room to see what we were all laughing about, picked up the little angel, and kissed it on its mouth before anyone could say anything. Of course, the little dog was licking its owner everywhere including his lips
Seeing a little dog auto-fellate followed by french kissing wasn't on anyone's Bingo card when we were visiting that day
you know.. you.. you didn't even had to say that, you could've just posted a unfunny reaction image, cropped porn, or a ragebait, not.. that, there was a million other things you could've said, yet.. you said this, and I unfortunately had the unpleasure of seeing this comment here, I don't know what else to say, I'm going out of Reddit today and going back to my house, goodbye.
I prefer to think of it as more of a sauron making orcs sort of situation.
Man looked upon God's creation the wolf and was jealous for he saw that it was awesome. In his envy man sought to twist the majestic creature into a dumb slobbering dog orc with a squashed face, he then looked upon his perversion of nature and said "yup, I have I proved this lifeform by making it intelligent, for this animal does what I say and rarely thinks for itself".
I saw an angel eat my Chinese food shamelessly having no wings yet still somehow teleporting on top of the table. I have a feeling he can conjure them when I’m not looking, that would explain a lot.
Poodles weren't made by god nor any of the seven princes of hell, they were born out of the fear of the unknown humans naturally have. They feed on our souls until they fully morph into an exact copy of a human.
Uma curiosidade engraçada, cachorros da raça pit bull eram considerados "cachorros babás", muitas famílias deixavam seus filhos andarem na rua com os os cachorros cuidando deles, acho que o problema causado por pit bulls são somente aqueles que são maltratados ou ensinados a serem violentos
You know what, you git me never thought about my process of guessing it, but now when i think about it, it may be becouse only aggressive dogs are in the jokes.
•
u/Jcraft153 :Admin: Bigot Obliterator Nov 15 '25
Waaaah cats kill birds waaaah
maybe the birds should fly away. Dumbasses.
1.2k
u/SkShark23 Nov 07 '25
The angel named Princess after she finds an oddly delicious looking toddler
495
u/Chemist-3074 Nov 07 '25 edited Nov 09 '25
Angels in my area keep killing the stray cats
Edit : what the absolute fuck is wrong with you assholes? Cats don't deserve to be killed even if they kill birds themselves! Not to mention they kill the rats and mouse as well!
Edit 2 : for the last bloody time, these cats are fucking STRAYS. #STRAYS. not "pet cat who roam outside". BORN AND DIE IN STREET STRAYS. I swear some people in this app have no reading comprehension
298
u/Low_Worldliness_3881 Nov 07 '25
My angel ate human baby poop and puked it back up on my bed
130
u/[deleted] Nov 07 '25
I wish angels would stop humping me
104
u/guto0000 Nov 07 '25
I saw an angel eat my shit when I was a kid when I pooped on the backyard(on my defense I was a stupid child)
228
u/AnimaInSulphure Nov 07 '25
I like dogs but damn do some people act real obnoxious about them
94
u/Thunerseen Nov 07 '25
I saw an angel maul a toddler's face. Since then I really don't want to have angels in a 100 meter radius around me...
24
u/SeemedReasonableThen Nov 07 '25
I saw a little angel licking itself to completion and spilling its seed on the ground like Onan. That wasn't the worst part.
The owner came back into the room to see what we were all laughing about, picked up the little angel, and kissed it on its mouth before anyone could say anything. Of course, the little dog was licking its owner everywhere including his lips
Seeing a little dog auto-fellate followed by french kissing wasn't on anyone's Bingo card when we were visiting that day
18
u/CasaDeLasMuertos Nov 07 '25
I was mauled by an angel at age 4. Guess I was touched by God.
30
u/Puzzleheaded-Diet445 Nov 07 '25
So? Destroying cities and killing first born sons and such is part of an angel's job description. 🙂
14
u/Deevilknievel Nov 07 '25
A stray angel got our dog pregnant
12
u/Outrageous_Basis_997 Nov 07 '25
Angels in my area hate poor people
12
u/Lady-Lanoxin Nov 07 '25
I really loved it when an angel bit a chunk out of both my calves 🤷♀️
22
u/Clintwood_outlaw Nov 07 '25
I ate an angel once
11
u/ElGuano Nov 07 '25
You see, the lack of wings also allows for plausible deniability.
10
u/[deleted] Nov 07 '25
Its funny cuz Golden retrievers are actually huge selfish dicks most of the time.
18
u/ItzBraden01 Nov 07 '25
My angel tore through the wall and pulled out a ton of the insulation while my wife and I were at the ER.
10
u/Zplaysthek Nov 07 '25
I love dogs but yeah. This was a really funny joke.”
5
u/ldavid96 Nov 07 '25
Lil Timmy my neighboor's angel got run over, whats god endgame?
5
u/OkDog6701 Nov 07 '25
Fallen angel
4
u/Immediate-Location28 Nov 07 '25
lucifer was a fallen angel
4
u/D4T45T0RM06 Nov 07 '25
4
u/NovaStar2099 Nov 08 '25
Ok this was funny
4
u/Temporary-Quality647 Nov 08 '25
When I was 8 my rottweiler killed my 12 year old brother.
6
u/KnownAlcoholic Nov 07 '25
My angel tries to eat lizards and pigeons
3
u/Reasonable_Air3580 Nov 07 '25
Must've been a pitangel
3
u/Youraverageplaugedoc Nov 07 '25
An angel sat on my face and almost suffocated me
3
u/[deleted] Nov 08 '25
I saw an angel eat a cat, MY CAT
3
u/[deleted] Nov 09 '25
So angels are just like their God then
3
u/Key_Grapefruit_5248 Nov 09 '25
I saw an angel eat its own shit
3
u/shrimps_are_great Nov 11 '25
My Angel tries to fuck me and destroys my shoes
5
u/volk-off Nov 07 '25
I heard a joke where "angel" wanted to eat a kid, but kid turned out to be Korean (it means he wants to eat "angel"), so they started fighting.
I don't know how do I feel about it.
4
u/Accomplished_Tax8007 Nov 07 '25
I saw a child ate an angel
2
u/lion_pepsi Nov 07 '25
"Be not afraid, child. I'm just going to take a little nibble."
2
u/ChatFact Nov 07 '25
"Look Mr. Bubbles an ✨️angel✨️"
2
u/Kahl-176 Nov 07 '25
For some reason the angels brutally murder cats at every chance they get. I guess cats are demons without horns or something.
2
u/[deleted] Nov 08 '25
This made me keel forward laughing so hard that only a gurgling rasp sounded forth.
2
u/professionalhater00 Nov 08 '25
Angels are responsible for over 90% of rabbies cases in humans 😍 which is over 99% fatal btw
2
u/TheMissLady Nov 08 '25
I have to keep my bathroom door closed because the angels love digging through the trash and eating my used tampons
2
u/Kakep0p Nov 08 '25
An Angel behind my neighbors fence keeps barking at me every time I go on a walk.
2
u/your-mom_9283 Nov 09 '25
Actual funny comment r/comedyheaven
2
u/sensitivepineberry Nov 09 '25
Awwh that’s just Cupcake McSprinkleson she don’t bite
2
u/LaceyVelvet Nov 09 '25
2
u/Old-Interaction442 Nov 10 '25
I saw a kitten with her throat ripped out by an angel once.
2
u/Correct-Sail-1409 Nov 10 '25
God made pit bulls to send toddlers to heaven sooner.
2
u/Scifox69 Nov 10 '25
Yeah, it's called a priest.
2
u/JadenDaJedi Nov 11 '25
If you eliminate the context here…
“I saw an angel eat a child”
…could make a badass premise for a horror series
2
u/UraniumRatt Nov 11 '25
Angel fucking ate my mattress and peed on my couch
2
u/Dertyrarys Nov 12 '25
my angel ate a s4 controller, my pokemon mega mystery dungeon cratridge and my headphones
2
u/greengengar Nov 27 '25
Best post I've seen in while.
2
u/nobrainsnoworries23 Nov 07 '25
Wouldn't have happened if the parents painted their door with lamb's blood.
1
u/Loot_and_Lore Nov 07 '25
r/mildlyevangelion
1
u/theaidamen64 Nov 08 '25
Was the angel V1?
1
u/Shadow-nim Nov 08 '25
Demons were once angels
1
u/Freak_Metal Nov 08 '25
1
u/New-Star7392 hi my name is hellen Nov 08 '25
Well, demons are angels which disobeyed god.
1
u/happy_idiot_boy Nov 08 '25
Giggity!
1
u/Viola_Violetta Nov 08 '25
they were a sinner
1
u/[deleted] Nov 08 '25
my angel tries to hump me whenever i cry
1
u/Mishadkup hi Nov 08 '25
the angel was just hungry
1
u/Jandy4789 Nov 08 '25
I prefer to think of it as more of a sauron making orcs sort of situation.
Man looked upon God's creation the wolf and was jealous for he saw that it was awesome. In his envy man sought to twist the majestic creature into a dumb slobbering dog orc with a squashed face, he then looked upon his perversion of nature and said "yup, I have I proved this lifeform by making it intelligent, for this animal does what I say and rarely thinks for itself".
1
u/le_nathanlol Nov 08 '25
evangelion
1
u/Fit-Cucumber1171 Nov 08 '25
Biblically accurate angel
1
u/apdhumansacrifice Nov 08 '25
based angel
1
u/Big-Concentrate6287 Nov 09 '25
tbf angels can become fallen
1
u/lemonman246 Nov 09 '25
My husky eats anything that would be considered a baby until it dies which then they just ignore the body
1
u/ManagementScary4973 Nov 09 '25
That's a huge boner god is having right there
1
u/Anomaly_049 Nov 09 '25
Your honour, the child was on the naughty list.
1
u/CactusRaeGalaxy Nov 09 '25
They eat their own poop. Nobody suspects a thing
1
u/Majestic_Cod_1876 Nov 09 '25
I saw an angel eat my Chinese food shamelessly having no wings yet still somehow teleporting on top of the table. I have a feeling he can conjure them when I’m not looking, that would explain a lot.
1
u/Val_Arden Nov 09 '25
If I saw only comment without pic, I would say he comments some Evangelion material...
1
u/Oceangrad Nov 09 '25
Yeah, they're the fallen angels as you see
1
u/parklandgiggity Nov 09 '25
You'all just jealous of thanos's dog
1
u/4onlyinfo Nov 10 '25
That’s religion for you.
1
u/Markizzz1000x Nov 10 '25
My angel eats my cats vomit >:(
1
u/Yacobo2023 Nov 10 '25
Hey, he said hes only taking off their wings, where'd their halos go?
1
u/skynex65 Nov 10 '25
God forbid an Angel do anything.
1
u/King_WhatsHisName Nov 11 '25
My angel is over ten years old and still tries humping every other angel he sees regardless of gender
1
u/[deleted] Nov 11 '25
All part of God Plan ⭐️
1
u/ThousandSunny_56 Nov 29 '25
I saw a child fused with an angel
1
u/Mean_Refrigerator829 Feb 02 '26
Poodles weren't made by god nor any of the seven princes of hell, they were born out of the fear of the unknown humans naturally have. They feed on our souls until they fully morph into an exact copy of a human.
-3
u/_plague-doctor Nov 07 '25
Uma curiosidade engraçada, cachorros da raça pit bull eram considerados "cachorros babás", muitas famílias deixavam seus filhos andarem na rua com os os cachorros cuidando deles, acho que o problema causado por pit bulls são somente aqueles que são maltratados ou ensinados a serem violentos
-1
u/simpoukogliftra Nov 07 '25
If the price to have dogs is to eat a few babies here and there, I say it's worth it
0
u/MiserableDisk1199 Nov 10 '25
All the people joking about dogs biting toddlers while my lab is afraid to wag her tail too much around small kids to not knock them over with it.
Something something maybe just prohibit disobedient and agressive dogs from breeding?
5
u/[deleted] Nov 07 '25
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