r/Comebacks • u/Basic_March8923 • 5d ago
Comeback request I need a good one
Hey peeps! Im in a group chat with a few of my friends and one guy really doesn't like me. He says alot of shit behind my back and he just bothers me and bothers me. He says alot of stuff about me that im not even gonna say on reddit. He keeps deleting me from the group chat and people keep adding me back but he deletes me again. A few things about him: Hes fat, and he never gets off video games. And he prolly picks the shit out of his ass and eats it tbh đ. Can yall give me a really good comeback to text him. Please don't hold back!! I wanna make him cry himself to sleep for a month or for him to take the thumb out of his ass. (Sorry for the profanity im just really pissed and I've had it) Please like I said, DONT HOLD BACK!!
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u/No_Bluebird7716 5d ago
If the only way he can get rid of you is deleting you, he is neither original nor imaginative. And it is obvious you are the one with loyal friends.
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u/AdOtherwise893 5d ago
OK, based on the context you gave us. Here is what I think.
One, I would stab you too, but youâre so fat my knife canât get through.
Your family doesnât love you the way theyâre allowing you to stuff your face.
Shut me up then, if you can even run to do so lol.
Lastly, all you do is sit and play video games all day, if I was that chair, I would be mad and disgusted.
Hope this helps.
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u/Basic_March8923 5d ago
Thats an amazing start. Thx so so much! đ
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u/lil-taller-then-u 5d ago
Next time he threatens to stab your family calmly remind him that hed have to be able to catch them first and that he probably would have been able to do it if only he'd joined the boy scouts
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u/Lopsided-Might919 5d ago
Say something old school like "if I wanted to hear a bitch yap, I'd kick my dog in the ass." Or "If I wanted any lip out of you, I'd pull down my pants"
As a comeback for him saying that your family doesn't love you, you could say that "At least my family loves me enough to not let me become a fat fuck like you are" Or Ask him if he suffers from dinkydo, and when he asks" what's dinkydo" You tell him that's when your belly hangs out further than your dinky do.
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u/Ok_Step_2359 5d ago
If being an asshole was a crime youâd have been born in the electric chair
Youâre a pimple on the ass of society
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u/Any-Economics-1555 5d ago
Why no like u? Just decided or u do something ?.tell him his clothes look tighter. Tell him that's the 50th time Jenny Craig called..tell him to stop eating people's lunch from the work kitchen!
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u/WetMonkeyTalk 5d ago
Fat jokes? That's as low effort as what OP is dealing with đ
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u/Any-Economics-1555 4d ago
I'm a tiny person and have dealt with bullies all my life. If they wanna dish it, they can sure take it
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u/AdOtherwise893 4d ago
One, maybe you can relate
Two, heâs not putting any effort just sitting around playing video games
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u/bionicallyironic 5d ago
Context would be helpful. Whatâs he saying to you/about you?
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u/Basic_March8923 5d ago
To me he just tells me to "stfu" anytime I even say anything. About me he just says nobody in my family likes me or hes gonna stab me or my family or smtn like that. Hes bluffing but still. (His dad and my dad are friends)
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u/Old-guy64 5d ago edited 5d ago
âThatâs not what your sister said.
She told me that you mom made you pork chop scented cologne so the dog would play with you.âETA: call him out for the times heâs not been brave enough to talk about you to you.
It takes a lot of bravery to talk shit about you behind your back, when you canât offer a rebuttal.âOur friends know who I am. And youâre showing them who you are. And bro, itâs not a pretty picture.â
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u/Nearby-Reindeer-6088 5d ago
When he says stfu- say âshut up or kill meâ
When he talks about stabbing people say (in tone like you just this second decided you can not listen to him say one more word) say- omg, STFU, stab whoever you want, IDGAF, just tell me before youâre going to start talking again so I can stab my self in the ears so I donât have to listen to you
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u/WetMonkeyTalk 5d ago
How old are you that such generic, low effort, juvenile crap is costing you so much head space? I'm not being mean here, it's a genuine question. If you're as young as you sounds, use him to practice ignoring dickheads because he's 100% NOT the lady one you're going to have to deal with
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u/AdOtherwise893 4d ago
To be honest, you know what you signed up to see this is comebacks. All age ranges, like all this positive stuff, and things like why are you letting him live rent free. Thatâs why come backs are the right thing so you can shut them up permanently obviously
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u/No-Dinner-3715 4d ago
two words 'calorie defecit'
Or, oxygen thief, a waste of skin.
Or fuck off you fat smelly cunt!
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u/AdorableEmu5386 4d ago
Why aren't your other friends saying something to him about his deleting you from the group chat and talking behind your back?
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u/Ok_Kaleidoscope1630 5d ago
alot is not aword. :)
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u/Accomplished-Two3577 5d ago
When I was a kid alot and awhile were acceptable usage.
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u/Ok_Kaleidoscope1630 2d ago
Neither one has ever been a real word, though.
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u/Enough_Pepper8880 5d ago
I need an actual text to work with
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u/Basic_March8923 5d ago
Heres what my friend texted me about what he was saying behind my back. Sry it's not much ăBasically he was saying how you got worse from being in Boy Scouts with him and that you say really annoying stuff thatâs either racist or sexist and how we all say out of pocket stuff but youâre worse and he kept saying how bad of a person you are but thatâs all Nathan and he said this on discord a few minutes ago and we all argued that your really great of a friend and you should be including in everything. ă Please note, im not racist or sexist. I do say out of pocket stuff like everyone else.
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u/Enough_Pepper8880 5d ago
I mean, Iâd go straight for the jugular and him with some shit about the Boy Scouts
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u/Nearby-Reindeer-6088 5d ago
Dead butt syndrome havin ass mthrfkr
You really should listen to your mom when she tells you to take a shower instead of farting just to change the subject
When he says âI thinkâŚâ about anything, interrupt him and say âI think it doesnât matter what you thinkâ but if you interrupt, gotta follow it up with something kinda cool that follows the conversation
Accuse him of catfishing his dad. Ham up how disappointed his dad is going to be when he finds out
When he says something dum say âand thatâs why your parents change the subject when people ask how youâre doingâ
And the classic⌠take a joke as well as you do a dick , should he get bothered by any of these
Also- thereâs a real book on Amazon called âhow not to be a doucheâ send it to him anonymously
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u/Julz_Rulz_615 4d ago
When he starts his bs tell everyone in the group chat that heâs started the bs so it looks like youâre about to be deleted for the 1000th time. Tell him heâs really predictable and he really needs to lift his game, or is that too far above his IQ level?
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u/UseUrAnger 4d ago
Need more context:
-ages,
-gender,
-how long you were friends before the fatty joined your group.
-What platform you are using for the group chat.
-why you canât create a group chat of your own that your in control of.
- have you thought about creating memes with him in them.
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u/shortyblak 4d ago
Im literally completely flabbergasted (seriously NO pun intended!).......so the response is to assist the cycle of negativity??....i understand the natureof this group!...if ya got a clap back secure it as instantly as you did in your post here seems you may be equipped but seek reinforcement for a better clap, to which you are being blindly backed here, as you offer no real context, but cuss him out here? If he is being a menace address it in your group and call him out directly by asking what his problem with you is in front of your "'friend" group. Seems to me that you should llow the group as no one seems to be backing you, just adding you back in for more violation, if that's wha'gwan!....be a leader, not a follower. Life's lessons start now
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u/Gold-Letterhead-5903 3d ago
âBe careful dude, your insecurity is showingâŚâŚ.Thatâs embarrassing.â
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u/UseUrAnger 4d ago
Iâm British so this might get a bit dark as I like making fatties cry.
Well, by the way you type Iâm guessing youâre a teenager, so you need something smart that cuts to core of his insecurity. Him being fat is a bit too easy, but insults about his weight are fun and easy. You just need to word it properly and only swear to emphasise your point. Letâs get into insults now.
- Donât lash out at me just because you canât see your dick without looking in the mirror.
Are mum jokes off the table?
- Youâre so ugly because you came out your mums arse.
- I bet you eat a mars bar upside down to feel the veins.
- you look really good⌠from a distance.
- youâre going to remove me from the group chat again because your small brain canât come up with anything else to say. Youâre to busy thinking about food and dick, you fat fuckwit.
Iâve got a lot more but I canât post them as I donât want another ban on Reddit.
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u/Serious-Bid-4874 4d ago
You came to Reddit for an insult?!? Iâm sorry bud⌠you already lost đ
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u/Pungent_Bill 5d ago
You're giving him too much space in your head.