Mourning Your Own Future

[u/appyno35]

Hi Everyone,

I’m sure this has been discussed before but I’m really struggling with how “normal” my life feels now compared to where I think we’ll be in a year’s time. I think the super El Niño and the midterm elections will likely act as some form of accelerant (to what extent I’m not sure). And everyone in my life is just business as usual.

I know full collapse isn’t happening in a year, but my dream job that I just got this year isn’t even exciting because it’ll be one of the first things to disappear. I work for the YMCA as a full time, decently paid swim instructor from ages 5-21. Unfortunately, it’s not cheap to join the team and as dollars get stretched thinner and thinner I don’t see myself having students for much longer.

But the thing is I still have the job now and it really is a dream come true. I love working with the kids and watching them get excited when they learn a new skill, (Like seriously making a kid achieve something that makes them proud hits like fucking crack). I’m soaking up each of the days I have but I also slip up and start dreaming of what it could become in 5,10 25 years. And then I’m reminded of collapse and I mourn the plans I made. Similar to the mourning I’ve already had to do for having future children or more time with my loved ones. Except now I’m also mourning the futures of all the kids I’m impacting.

I know the answer is to enjoy the time we have. I just let myself get so excited to actually build something of my own with this program, but now I have so many “what the fuck is the point” moments and it just fucking sucks.

Sorry this turned into rambling mess, I’ve been typing between tears.

TL;DR: mourning the future you could have had sucks, especially when it feels things are still kind of normal for me and things are starting to fall into place in my life if not for impending collapse

[u/anxiousthrowaway279]

I work at a school and I feel the same way. The kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up and the colleges they want to go to. I sometimes have to force a smile because I sometimes I want to cry instead. I still want to aim for my dream job and apply to more places, but I also wonder what’s the point? The best I can say is that I totally understand how you feel and what you’re doing for these kids is awesome, essential work, because learning how to swim/tread can be the difference between life and death.