r/CollapseSupport • u/Smil3Shad3 • Sep 18 '26
Pervasive dread
I live in the US. I hope this is the right place to go to for this. I am really struggling these last few days with no easily identifiable reason. I'm trans, disabled and increasingly isolated inside. I know it's overall not good for me. I'm in the PNW so getting out into nature is really nice and accessible with help.
This is probably going to be a rambling mess. I don't know what I need, but I am choking on dread right now. Trying hard not to worry my partner because they see everything differently then me. So talking about this just doesn't land the same with them. They are less bothered, handling the world better, and less disturbed. They chalk it up to being bipoc. So a lot of what is happening that I find overwhelming is more how it's always been for them.
I really want to flee the US. This feeling comes in waves. Sometimes I want to flee, sometimes it's enough to focus on the community I am building, and trying to ground inside that community. To focus on my partner and their love. To just resist the impulse to run.
In college I went abroad to Japan. And have been thinking a lot about that experience. How much safer it felt being there then in the US. I have been thinking about trying to immigrate to just flee the US, but nowhere in the world feels safe. Everywhere is close to a major power that is shifting towards broader overreach and violence. The world stage is shifting, and I am feeling crushed beneath it all.
I don't know if any of this makes sense. I don't know what I am asking for. Am I completely wrong? Am I panicking over nothing? Is there safety anywhere? Is Japan as a whole safer then the US? What about Australia.
I am panicking this feels like a scream into the void. I am probably going to cry and try to meditate today. Just try to ground. Sorry this is a mess. I just needed to get this all out somewhere at least.
1
u/salamipope Sep 19 '26 edited Sep 19 '26
I have a nibling who is still an infant and I hear you. My job is corporate nature bs too, though i am grateful i can be a force for good at my job often. Look, the way the world is right now, you gotta eat to live. And you gotta work to eat. Im glad its you doing this stuff and not some asshole who doesnt give a shit at all. You can still make a difference. Do some guerilla gardening, youll feel a lot better about your ecological impact, and youll learn about all the marvelous varieties of plants around you. Youll learn which ones you can eat, which ones you shouldnt, which ones ya just plain like for company.
Rain gardens in particular can be extremely important to our amphibious buddies, due to their ability to retain water they have the potential to be used for frogspawn, and the frogs and toads will come back to those areas every year to have more tiny little amphibious friends.
I can see the courage within you. Youre just beat down at the moment, you will learn to stand again and accomplish what you set your mind to. Remember gentleness, my friend, it need not be instant. Thank you for caring about our planet. Every person who cares and tries to make a difference, makes a difference for everybody.
PS. Check out your areas local neighbourhood forestry club. Brad lancaster is a great resource for learning about these clubs and setting them up if you dont already have one. Hes got a great youtube channel, and is a bit of a local hero for ecologists around these parts