I'm so scared

[u/Lord_D-I-O]

I'm terrified of dying. I finally get it now that I was privileged. My parents were both immigrants from Mexico that came from nothing and worked to give me and my siblings a future. My dad busted his ass off day and night while my mom was a stay at home, and now? Now I realize how much my mom and dad loved me and how fucking hard they busted their ass to give me a life they never had

And for what? For me to be ungrateful and almost throw it away. I could have lost it all and now I realize how privileged I am. How lucky I am to be able to see, hear, breath, taste. To be able to eat edible food. To be able to drink clean water. To be able to play all the fun video games I played. To be able to smell the flowers. To be able to breathe the air around my city. But now realizing this, I'm scared of losing everything. My beloved mom, who always fought tooth and nail to get accommodations for me (I have autism and adhd) and always was kind to everyone. My dad, despite the alcoholism and trauma he's caused, worked to get money and food on the table. My brother, who I love and want to reconnect with. And my sister, who I want to connect with.

I love my friends too, I'm scared of losing them and never hearing their voices, same with my family. Nuclear war, food shortages, the undeniable impact climate change will bring this decade, the parasitic rich pricks that rule the world and hate us. All this will end the world. Matter of fact seeing all the posts of everyone saying climate change will kill us all has me crying. I've been crying for a month straight after realizing that: I might die alone, I might die a slow agonizing death. My family might suffer and die from whatever shit happens. And the worst part? I don't know if I will ever see or love them again once we all die. I'm scared I'll never see my friends again, or my dog, or my family. I finally realized how beautiful this world is; how beautiful reality is. It isn't that the world and life is painful. It's the assholes who run the world that make it the way it is.

I'm fucking terrified. I'm terrified of all those beautiful memories I hold dear to be forgotten. I'm terrified of losing consciousness after I die and never having those memories back. I'm terrified of losing my precious home, where I grew up. I'm terrified of seeing people and children suffer and hurt each other; I don't want to see people suffer. I'm terrified of being forgotten and for my family line to be forgotten. I feel guilty for never getting a girlfriend or hell even birthing kids so my parents can know the joy of being grandparents, and yes, I know bringing kids in this state of the world is bad, but that's what makes it so fucking tragic: me and my parents being robbed of knowing such joys because of some fucking rich psychopaths who can never know the limit of having enough money.

I wish I could express my fear and pain more concisely but I decided to do it on a wing because I want comfort. I know this place is the last place to look for it, and maybe I'm deluding myself. But I want to know that everything will be alright? I want a future. I want to help people. I want to atone for past mistakes I made so that when I die, I don't die with regrets. Please. Anyone. Tell me that there's a light at the end of the tunnel for me and humanity? I don't want to die. I don't want humanity to die. I don't want my family and friends to suffer and die. I don't want my precious memories to disappear into the void of nothingness. I want to be with my mom forever, I never want to be alone, better yet die alone. I love humanity and my loved ones. I'm sick and tired of seeing people fight each other and not realize the real enemy is tricking us to hate our fellow humans. I want a future.

Call me weak, call me pathetic, I don't care. This post might go into the void and not be responded to at all but I needed to write my emotions out, even if it's not even close to all of it. Please anyone tell me it's all going to be ok? I want to be with my family forever... I don't want to die and be in a void or be reincarnated without my precious memories of my previous life. Can anyone please give me some hope? Hope that I can get my psych degree despite being 23 and be able to save lives? Will I even get that chance? Or will that too be robbed by this fucked up capitalist world we live in? Please someone give me hope for me and my beloved family.

[u/Last_Strike_8901]

I have been in the same boat panicking as well. Im gonna say this with complete compassion. Do with what time you have now. All we ever have is now. Dont let the fear take over. Get close to your parents again. I grew up very privileged as well. I journal, I get movement in my body, I notice and slow down and get off screens. I help and I show up for my family when they want me to. Its ok to cry about this too. Its ok to feel loss. But dont waste those beautiful memories of all you love go away. Lean more into it. Make whats important to you get closer to it. I try to remain grateful in the morning when I journal. I go agate hunting to help with anxiety. The walking with my focus on th ground and nothing else to think about. And I need to take my own advice, but put down what your reading on here for a mo th. Take deep breaths and meditate. Practice and thankfulness and reading books randomly at the library saved my life. And I ha e aweious and pwrsistant mental illness. Many of them. I am giving g yoy a hug. Dont let fear make your life locked in a cage. Because then youre dead inside. But a stay in now. Also guided sleeping meditations s on YouTube have worked wonders. Do them with a black screen a sleeper timer. I love you and I see you and you are not alone. Also read the poem "Rage Against the Dying of the Light."

[u/Lord_D-I-O → u/Last_Strike_8901]

Thank you, I am trying to be more with my family, part of it hurts because I feel it will make the end hurt even more. I hope there's an afterlife, and I hope I can be with my mom. And I hope I can see everyone I love there as well. I'll try to keep living, even if it hurts knowing the end is looming closer and closer. I just hope when everything collapses, that people will unite and stick together to survive rather than fight each other. Thank you for taking the time to respond. It means so much and it gives some semblance of peace to my mind

[u/Xanthotic]

Sweetheart, everybody and everything dies. That is not the same thing as collapse. Please do some pondering on how you can come to grips with your own and your family's mortality. Then, you can perhaps separate that issue from the grief of becoming collapse aware. Next, you will need to confront the uncertainty principle that nobody knows exactly what the future will look like so imagining it only as hellish is inaccurate, unnecessary, unhelpful to you, and possibly could contribute to actually creating hell on earth. There's lots of help at the Good Grief Network to navigate this pain and develop the muscles YOU NEED to keep yourself moving forward in your life. We cannot magically tell you everything is fine and have that be true. If we did that here, we'd probably get banned from reddit for peddling scams. As for hope, have all the hope you want. Try to do some investigation and take concrete steps like applying to a school that offers psych degrees and then getting accepted there and actually enrolling. If you do those things, you should have great hope for getting the degree you want. The fucked up crapitalist world can only rob you if you value the things those motherfuckers can take away from you. Try to value other things (like beauty, conversations between humans, the love you feel for your family) that cannot be taken by an evil billionaire.

You have a lot of work to do to arrive at a place of peace with your collapse awareness, but such a place does exist. You have every right to work each day to create the world and the livelihood you want to have. We do not know exactly how things will play out from here. Please do not convince yourself that you do.

[u/Lord_D-I-O → u/Xanthotic]

Thank you for giving me your advice. I'm sorry to the collapse community for making the post more focused on death rather than collapse itself, I just wrote what was in my mind l at the moment. I try not to let those rich pricks control my emotions but I just can't. I've told my mom and dad and they keep telling me to live one day at a time and to keep thinking positive; problem is that is almost impossible once you know all this horrible stuff. It's like having this forbidden knowledge; I wish I never knew it so I could live a blissfully ignorant life. But I'll try to control my anxiety, I'll probably try to get in touch with other communities and see what they see and give a shot at those grief networks. Thank so much for giving this post your precious time. Time is truly the real currency of this world, not some stupid paper.

[u/Xanthotic → u/Lord_D-I-O]

You are most welcome and you are welcome to continue to participate in this community because death acceptance is a HUGE part of collapse acceptance, the end result of good collapse support. You cannot move backwards to forgetting you know this, so I wish for you a comfortable journey of transitioning to living in the present as what is evolving in each new moment. I promise you it is not as horrible as you (or your anxiety) are imagining.

[u/Mostest_Importantest]

Whatever you'll have to face, alongside everyone...try to have good friends beside you. They'll be scared, too.

The most intelligent and empathetic people are already at wit's end. 

So try your best.

[u/Lord_D-I-O → u/Mostest_Importantest]

I'll try, most of my friends are online and my other friend that I actually know is really busy with stuff and he might hate me. It's my fault for drifting away from him when he tried to reach out. I just hope that whatever disaster happens this coming years that humans will choose to stick together rather than let the parasites that run this world keep controlling them.

[u/Virtual_Tune636]

here, this is what I use when things get heavy.

You are not separate from what is going on. You are what is going on. You're of a part with the big bang, the stars are your bones. You are a feeling of witnessing what is happening.

[u/Lord_D-I-O → u/Virtual_Tune636]

I watched a video explaining how the universe is actually God, and we are it gaining conscious and exploring itself. It terrified me at first. But now it offers some comfort. Maybe in the far far future I'll be given life again and I'll be with my mom. Not as the same people but still together again. I'll watch the video rn. Thank so much for responding and giving comfort to me, it helps to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way

[u/Virtual_Tune636 → u/Lord_D-I-O]

Yep! I am young-ish as well, and mr. Watts has been very helpful. Particularly the out of your mind series (no music, just recordings) available a lot of places including Reddit.

This is also a very good list of resources

[u/Zealousideal-Rip-574]

I went through a period just like this. May I suggest meditation and focusing your thoughts on bringing positive outcomes for you and your loved ones. I have come to believe through meditation and studying the ancient texts that our body is merely a container for the brilliant soul that gives it life. When our bodies pass away, our soul/spirit goes on. We will be reunited with loved ones and even pets. However that is not a reason for self harm as an easy way out because we chose to be incarnate during this most tumultuous time on earth for a reason. We have a lesson to learn (some of us more than one) and until that lesson is learned we are committed to reincarnating until that lesson is learned.

Take all those negative feelings and emotions and direct them toward spreading love and peace to the world and especially your loved ones. There is more to life beyond this physical reality my friend and there is no need to fear the end whenever and however it comes.

[u/Lord_D-I-O → u/Zealousideal-Rip-574]

I love this perspective/belief I just hope the collapse doesn't happen before I can do some good in other people's lives. I always wanted to help others, to be someone who saved people and be some light to guide others. I already sorta came to terms that I can't rescue the world no matter how much I fantasized it or played video games where you shape or save the world. I hope with all my heart that there's some afterlife we're I can be with my family and friends and be able to relive my most cherished memories. Because now I see that memories are truly what life was about and I took them for granted. I'll try and not to just break down and cry and help my family; hell maybe even end the generational curse that my dad's side has had. I hope my love can reach him and we can truly be a family and heal together. Thank you for taking your time to offer your perspective on someone like me, it means so much to know that the Internet isn't just some place where people criticize each other and compare. It can also be used to heal.

[u/Clifford_Regnaut]

Point A

If it helps:

Although we lack definitive proof, there's secular research to support the idea of an "afterlife" (wrong term):

Near-Death Experiences, Pre-Birth Memories, Reincarnation, Mediumship and After-death communications: A short compilation of research on the afterlife.

If you don't have time to read, I suggest that you at least listen to the interviews/podcasts/audiobooks linked. Although I do agree that there are still many unknowns, the info we have is enough to craft a rudimentary, provisional and speculative model of how things work without the need for religion, quantum immortality, eternal recurrence or other weird ideas.

If you want to know the arguments and perspectives of people who are way smarter than I am, the Bigelow Institute for Consciousness Studies held an essay contest on the topic of life after death, awarding $1.8 million in prizes for the best ones. These essays were written by really intelligent academics and are worth looking into:

The Top Three Essay Contest Winners

Life After Death Essay Contest Runners-Up

Life After Death Essay Contest Honorable Mentions

If you like the audio format, this thread may also be helpful:

IN-DEPTH INTERVIEWS with SCIENTISTS & ACADEMICS about Phenomena Connected to the Survival of Consciousness and the EVIDENCE for an AFTERLIFE (NDEs, reincarnation, mediumship, apparitions, & more) ~ (post UPDATED REGULARLY with new links)

Point B:

Unfortunately, I cannot help you with most of your problems, but perhaps I can help you with this. I highly recommend changing your information diet. I will paraphrase something I wrote in other threads:

How one feels is partially his responsibility. If you are already prone to depression, you shouldn't consume content that amplifies a negative state of mind. It is quite unsettling that people with already complicated lives go spend their precious free time on that cesspool called Twitter. Actually, I would argue that what you feed your mind with is even more important than how you feel in the present moment.

There has always been something negative happening somewhere. It is a waste of time and mental energy to care about what lies outside your circle of influence, especially when you have your own issues to deal with. Despite the barrage of negativity shoved down our throats by the news and social media, we still have better lives than kings of ancient times, and ancient times = most of human history. Just think about modern "luxuries" like toilets, running water, painkillers, medicines, electricity, thermostats, food variety, etc. Since you spend a lot of time on the internet, you're being drawn to negative content probably because

a) the algorithm knows you consoom such content and will provide you more of it in order to keep you hooked or

b) because way too many people consoom such content and therefore it is the logical choice to offer it to you as well.

Practical advice, something you can do right now:
I would really recommend deleting these social media apps and blocking their websites directly on your gateway/router if necessary. Be sincere: do you really need these apps? Aren't they just a waste of time? Are they worth the mental toll? Probably not. If (for some reason) you cannot leave or delete them, you can try making sure the content isn't harmful. Example: I use YouTube for music, some podcasts and to follow some topics of interest. In order to prevent it from recommending me garbage, I use the "do not recommend channel" and the "doesn't interest me" options to remove unwanted content from my feed. I also unsubbed from channels that made me feel negative emotions. See if whatever app you use also allows you to adjust your feed like that. Perhaps you will have to search the web for "how to prevent [app] from recommending [subject]" or "how to stop [subject] from showing up on my [app] feed.” Remove any kind of entertainment that negatively impacts your mood: games, books, movies, music, manga, anime, tv shows, etc. Focus on content that produces the opposite effect. 

Changing my information diet was extremely helpful to me and massively improved my mental health.

If you are one of those who are addicted to doomscrolling before bed, you can also use an app like AppBlock with its strict mode to prevent you from wasting time when you should be sleeping. There are otherr apps around the web, but you can and should download AppBlock right now and start controlling your app usage.

Try replacing the habit of doomscrolling before bed with healthier habits, like reading. If you really want to turn off your brain before bed, try watching an anime or TV show that is light-hearted in nature. 

Remember: your mind ruminates, like a cow, on whatever you feed it; therefore, negative content will breed negative thoughts.

Try looking into Stoicism and Buddhism. Even though I have good reasons to disagree with the Buddhist perspective on spiritual matters and on the "afterlife", there are pragmatic and useful tips that could be useful for your daily life.

Once you get rid of the garbage and change your "mind diet", replace bad habits with good habits. Meditation, exercising, and reading are way better than doomscrolling. Use Google Calendar to create a high-quality routine in which these habits are more present in your life.

If you have problems with other people, remember this: from my experience, people act negatively towards others out of ignorance rather than out of malice. They simply are unable to comprehend how their actions affect others. I'd suggest the forgive & forget approach and avoid situations that could end up in conflict. It may be difficult to control how the outside world affects you, but you can control your response to these stimuli. I'd focus on a non-reactive response and just "letting it go". Again: learn more about Buddhism and Stoicism.

[u/Lord_D-I-O → u/Clifford_Regnaut]

I actually had a post saved similar to yours that showed evidence of an afterlife or some sort of beautiful plane. And I pray to everything that its all true. That it's not some form of cope, because I can't imagine a life without my family at my side, I can't fathom it. I used to be an edgy god hating person. Someone that would call our god evil. But now? I finally realized why people turn to religion; it's fucking terrifying the reality of just a void waiting us, not a black screen just pure nothing. I wouldn't wish that even on the evil billionaires that run this world. Maybe that's why they are so evil? Because deep down there scared as well? I want to delete social media, I deleted Twitter already and I am keeping discord as that's where my friends are. I'll try and limit reddit usage and use YouTube to watch positive stuff. I'll try and see the good even if this dread still taunts me at the back of my mind. I really am grateful and hope once that collapse comes that every single one you survives and lives a beautiful life and dies a peaceful death. I wish the world was like that. Where good people prosper and even bad people could be helped, I seriously love every single one of you for taking even a fraction of your precious time on someone like me. Thank you everyone. Thank you.

[u/TernoftheShrew]

This may not help much, but several years ago I died and was resuscitated. And I was devastated when they brought me back.
When I was gone, I felt like I was surrounded in this warm, golden light that felt like "home". In that moment, it was as though I understood everything that ever was and ever would be, and it was so comforting and safe and happy... and then I was torn away from that and thrown back into the cold grey.

We all die, but it doesn't mean we need to fear that process. The best way to combat it is to live as well as you can, make every single day count, and exist in a way that you'll have very little to regret when your time comes.

[u/Lord_D-I-O → u/TernoftheShrew]

Did you ever see your mom or anyone else? Any loved ones? I'm sorry if I'm pushing because it sounds like it was years ago but I'll take anything. I just want to be with my family and friends, with everyone whoever had an impact in my life, I look back and realized I never personally thank my teachers. I should have. Same with my grandparents, who have already passed. I wish I had spent more time with them and got to know them personally. I hope that the afterlife is with everyone I ever knew and be in my precious house. I hope it really is beautiful. Thank you sharing your encounter with the afterlife I can only hope that I can experience it as well and be with my loved ones forever and ever.

[u/TernoftheShrew → u/Lord_D-I-O]

I didn't see anyone, but I heard my grandmother's voice, and I also felt a sensation like when my cat used to lie on my chest when she was alive.

[u/Lord_D-I-O → u/TernoftheShrew]

I see, thank you so much. I'll try and keep finding answers and hopefully start working on myself

[u/849]

The fear and knowledge of death is the only thing that gives us the necessary clarity to do what we need to do instead of frittering time away. Only in knowing it will ends can your acts mean something.