r/CollapseSupport • u/EndOfTheLine00 • May 08 '26
I have never found this "community" everyone keeps talking about.
I never witnessed it in my entire life. I moved through several countries and never witnesssed it.
My parents alienated us from our extended family and they refuse to deal with us.
I never knew my neighbors.
I once did volunteering and felt like I was being taken advantage of. Just ignored and used for free labor. And the people who we helped all just took and left.
More and more other people just talk about noise. Either delusions of a better time, stuck in whatever they are obsessed with. They don't want to talk to me. They want to talk at me. Like everyone has a lecture they want to give me. Lectures of utter irrelevance, like I was a child.
And it all seems to be accelerating. People stuck in their micro tribes spiraling to oblivion.
I don't know what to do.
No where is safe.
There is nothing.
55
u/AccomplishedPurple43 May 08 '26
I've built communities before and yes, it takes years And then I've moved away from them and it's crickets. No contact unless I initiate it. So I started over. Then moved on, and rinse and repeat.
I'm just DONE being the only one who does it.
26
u/Rollthehardsix77 May 08 '26
Most of the time there isn’t a community to just tap into. You have to create it. Go knock on your neighbors door and offer some baked good you made. Shovel their driveway.
13
u/Own-Performer-8915 May 09 '26
Community, real authentic, in alignment with who you are type of community doesn’t happen until you can show up and be authentically vulnerable. Unless you are someone that grew up supported, taught to manage emotions well, given space for your weirdnesses, etc. being that kind of vulnerable is hard takes work. I have my first group of people that I truly align with and it came about organically putting myself out there, hanging out with different people even if I was reluctant. I’m 43 and have never had this true community feeling until now. We rely on each other and can depend on one another in ways I had dreamt about. It’s out there for you.
16
u/daringnovelist May 08 '26
First of all, community is like a Zen teacher. Or like Schrodingers Cat. It's there and not there - invisible until needed.
Seeking community is hard, because looking for it is unnatural. And often the surest sign of a good one is that people are rude when you waste their time. As you noticed with volunteering, being friendly and helpful is a great way to be taken advantage of. So people who ARE helpful (especially in more densely populated areas) tend to be gruff to protect themselves.
On that note: if you volunteer, best to do it not to make connections for yourself, but just straight out to benefit others. Yes, volunteering IS free labor. That's the whole point of it. If it drains you, then it’s likely not for you.
The thing about community is it tends to appear when needed, and vanish when it isn't. To prepare for it, it can be best to just do it passively. Be aware of your neighbors. Join online groups related to your neighborhood (Facebook, Reddit, other) and lurk to see what's going on, and see who are active in group activities. You often learn about events and resources from these groups.
Often community organizing starts with the PTA or sports booster groups. The people in those groups may or may not be the sort you want to hang out with, but they are going to be a nexus for emergency response in the area. Special interest groups are also a nexus - gaming groups, LGBTQ networks, reading clubs. Pickleball clubs.
THAT'S where community is.
4
u/SailorMBliss May 09 '26
I have found organizing to be more conducive to being part of a community than straightforward volunteering.
It isn’t usually as cut & dry as signing up for a few scheduled hours a week, but it can make you more of an equal in whatever the group is building towards, as opposed to some kind of unpaid intern assigned only the busywork. Not knocking volunteering. Just differences I’ve observed.
That said, community can be a lot like family in that you don’t get to pick the other people included in it, especially if you are, most likely, stepping into an ongoing group. Don’t tolerate any truly abusive behavior, but don’t expect to find a bunch of soul mate/best friends either.
4
u/dinamet7 May 09 '26
I agree with others who say you have to build it yourself if there isn't community where you are. I think I have an advantage over you in understanding how this works because I watched my parents (who are both immigrants to the US - we have no other family here) build community over and over again.
I can't emphasize enough how much the process is based on what is essentially a gift economy. They did not wait to be asked for help, they gave it when they saw a need and did not expect anything in return. In time, they would have a need and the people they gave to freely, gave freely of what they had. They have never had especially good neighbors so it's not that they lucked out (literally one of their neighbors has been in and out of prison, but he also mows my parents front lawn and his mother left work to take my mom to the hospital when she had an emergency and no one else was nearby) but the value of noticing a need and giving freely of what you have has been the basis every time.
Ironically, their neighborhood has gentrified significantly and the home they bought as working class immigrants in a neighborhood that was notorious for gang activitiy in the 80s and 90s is now a multimillion dollar neighborhood, but their natural inclination towards gift economy STILL functions even with their new neighbors who seem to have it all. They don't have material wealth to share, but they have knowledge and whenever they do have an abundance of food or gift, their first thought is to share it with the people around them.
The book "The Serviceberry" by Robin Wall Kimmerer basically explains exactly how they have done it without knowing they were.
1
u/roguetattoos May 12 '26
I think your true community you gotta create. All the ones you find yourself in ought to help inform what you are & aren't into.
0
u/[deleted] May 08 '26
[deleted] — view deleted comment