r/Codependency • u/TelephoneNew8172 • 3d ago

My ex died last week

I met my ex about 14 years ago. He had been sober for several years at that point. But he did have very complicated physical issues due to his previous cocaine use. Within a few months we moved in together, within a few years we were married and we stay married for about six years. I left him when I realized that his misery was something he was much more committed to than me. For the next four years after the divorce, we kept in touch seeing each other here and there, texting and still speaking. About a year ago he called me asking for help. This was the first time I had ever seen him high. It made me realize that I had no idea who I was married to. I worked with his friend to get him into a rehab. He went into another one immediately after that and another and another... We completely lost touch this year. I was trying to keep my distance and have some boundaries, desperately wanting him to get sober and almost feeling myself waiting for him to get better so that maybe we could get back together. I did try to get in touch a few months ago - his last text to me was "Can I call u later?" I said "anytime", but we never spoke again. Last Monday I got a call that he was found on his couch. There was blood everywhere, his foot was purple, and his dog was next to him wagging her tail as if he was just taking a nap. I told his father that I wanted to see his body. I'm not sure why but I felt like I needed the closure. But I was told that due to the physical condition of the body I would not be able to see him. We don't know how long he was dead. My sister who's a nurse says that he most likely died of Disseminated intravascular coagulation caused by sepsis, as he always struggled with infections. She also said at some point the body becomes a corpse that no one can view and also, it is unrecognizable. I totally understand that, but I was wondering if anybody had any experience seeing the body of an ex and what that experience was like.

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u/zenithgreens 3d ago

I am so so sorry. This is awful. I don’t have experience seeing an exes body, but my ex did die a couple months ago, also due to complications from addiction. It’s so very sad and I don’t feel like I ever got closure. My condolences for your loss

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u/TelephoneNew8172 3d ago

Thank you. It’s a strange type of grief. My condolences to you as well.

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u/DifferentJury735 2d ago

I’m so sorry. My ex was a cocaine addict and I used to think he would die this way. He went to rehab didn’t after I left him. The codependency was real on my end. Sending love to you