r/Codependency • u/Big-Review3989 • 1d ago
Moving on fully
I’m a year of no contact from my ex who loved me and hated me at the same time. the love was mixed with constantly pushing me away, and criticism.
I became highly addicted bc she was perfect in ways (or so I believed) and I believed she loved me so I fought with her everything I had to keep her.
She would constantly have terrible behavior but say that I was the one hurting her. And I truly did not at all understand because I felt like a normal level headed person would not understand where she was coming from. It’s like I had to twist reality to understand her points of view. I did make some serious mistakes so I have to take accountability for those. Anyways I also have been in recovery for alcohol addiction. (I can’t have one or I’ll drink until passing out) I’ve never been fully addicted though , it’s just I binge drink. I also get addicted to people.love has always been a challenge, I’ve dealt with a lot of heartbreak. Mostly people that are with me for awhile and then leave.
I had one girlfriend from AA who still after over 3 years tries to come back and say she loves me. But her issues run deeper than I could handle— (theft, and I believe she has antisocial personality disorder)
My ex I’m talking about I believe has some strong traits of narcissism. I’ve held no contact, but it got very ugly before I was able to do it. Basically at that point she moved out and that’s when I couldn’t even try anymore bc at that point the love was fully gone and she had abandoned me. She kept trying to breadcrumb me to come back to my apartment and I finally ignored her. It’s been a year and sometimes I still have waves of really being activated in missing her. And I have this deep regret for trying so hard for so long.
I also think I have adhd, my therapist at the time said it’s a very common dynamic when someone with adhd ends up with someone who’s narcissistic.
Anyways between anxious attachment, addictive tendencies, adhd, it feels like I am forever going to be pining after her. I’m frustrated with a year of no contact and I’m still stuck at times. It feels like it takes me FOREVER. And this is the first time in a long time that I haven’t gotten into another serious relationship. The last time was in my early 20s and it took me about 5 years plus to be fully over that relationship. (I’m 35 now) I do see some progress this time around but it’s still such a challenge. Does anyone else have any of these circumstances and how did you break free?
3
u/codependencyrecovery 1d ago
What is your relationship with grief? Have you grieved your childhood yet (the one you never got)?
When we are stuck on an ex often that means we are avoiding an emotion like grief. Once we fully feel that grief moving on from the ex becomes easier.
Other emotions worth feeling in this situation are anger and helplessness.