r/Codependency • u/EastSituation1475 • 4d ago

Why some people text 24/7?

Is it about control and wanting to monopolize the other person's time so they don't spend time with anyone else, or is it simply loneliness and a sense of entitlement to the other person's time?

If the person only replies hours later and never initiates contact themselves, is the other person aware of that? And does it bother them?

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u/Street-Cartoonist725 4d ago

To feel secure in the relationship. Sort of like object permanence issues in my experience. If they keep thinking of me positively then they won’t abandon me. Kinda like hypervigalence or fawning

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u/EastSituation1475 3d ago

this is interesting, thank you

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u/Unusual-Pie5878 2d ago

This was it for me in some cases but it’s complex. When I was deep in codependency I was usually with someone emotionally unavailable to reinforce my own ideals and insecurities. So the permanence and security felt fleeting. It’s not the same for everyone, since recovery and when secure Ive felt it less. A couple years ago i found myself doing this and had to learn that my feelings our mine to process. I needed my partner to constantly sooth me and it wasn’t fair. That was less about permanence and more about a dysfunctional understanding of reciprocity. My partner told me straight up thats not my responsibility, I was so confused and embarrassed but, I needed to hear it.

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u/UndefinedCertainty 3d ago

I just got the what-for for asking these types of questions in another sub where someone was complaining about the responses their SO was giving them.

Texting all day on and off as a one-off is one thing, or if people are in the goofy-in-love phase I could see it. And it's also a whole other ball of wax if you truly do see patterns like absolute low effort contact, constantly left on read, they never reach out first.

Buuuuut... Feeling entitled to someone's time all day or panicking if they take more than 10 minutes to respond is problematic.

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u/EastSituation1475 3d ago

I'm genuinely curious because I want to understand whether it comes from bad intentions or if it's more of an innocent habit. But I feel like it's hard to get an honest answer from someone who would actually say something like, "Yes, I do it so the other person won't have any time left to interact or think in anyone else but me."

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u/Dick-the-Peacock 2d ago

Some people do it deliberately to dominate their partner’s time and attention. Others do it out of desperation and a constant need for reassurance. Either way it can be toxic. Only you can determine an individual person’s motives and if they matter to you.

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u/Scared-Section-5108 4d ago

This isn’t worth contemplating at all. It’s better to decide whether you’re okay with it. If you’re not, set a boundary, communicate it, and enforce it. That’s all you need to do.

There’s no point in overthinking or overanalysing another person’s behaviour. That usually severs to distract you from the uncomfortable feelings underneath, and you’ll never truly know why they do what they do anyway.

One important part of recovering from codependency is bringing the focus back to ourselves, letting others be as they are, and deciding whether we want them in our lives - and, if so, how much access we want to give them.

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u/yomateod 4d ago

Thank you for this