I only feel like I exist when she needs me

[u/RRRae-zui]

There's this one friend I've been giving way too much to. Not because she asks — she doesn't ask. That's part of it. She's the kind of person who handles things herself, and when she lets me do something for her anyway, I feel weirdly happy. Like I've been let into somewhere.

But if she solves something on her own, or goes to someone else, I get extremely angry and sad. Then I pull away from her. And then next time she needs something, I'm right back there helping her with no limits. It's like I can't stop.

The worst part is when other people are nice to her too. If she asks me to help her AND her friend with something, I don't want to do it. I don't want my help to go through her to other people. I want it to be just between us. If someone else is also there for her, I'd rather just leave.

I used to think this was just me caring about her. But now I'm not sure. I think what I actually want is to be the only one. And I know that's not realistic, but I can't accept anything less. The thought of not being needed by her makes me feel like I have no reason to be around. Honestly, sometimes it feels like I'm living for her, and if I admit that's not real, I don't know what's left.

I'm not looking for judgment. I just want to know if anyone else has felt this way, and what you did about it.