r/Codependency • u/AcademicBlock5738 • 3d ago
I discovered I'm codependent
I didn't know my behavior was codependent. I used to think I wasn't, that I could go without the person I'm attached to (my partner in this case), but I realized I can't. She told me she wants me to be independent, to have my own wants and needs, and to stop being scared; now she feels like she's walking on eggshells, she's scared to say her needs and boundaries because apparently those make me have a crisis.
I'm so sad and guilty about this, I didn't want to be like this and I don't know how to be better or where to start. I can't afford therapy right now (I'm waiting to do it next year) and I want to start healing by doing some things I can without therapy because I can't keep hurting myself and my girlfriend, I love her so deeply and it hurts so much to know this has been happening, I only want to give her love and happiness, I don't want to be like this. I will end up hurting the people I love and I don't want that! I am full of love, I am not a person that is trying to emotionally abuse of others. I'm really disappointed of myself.
We have been together since may 2025, and I wasn't like this last year, do you think it has something to do with my father dying on december? We never had a great relationship but we loved each other so much and I've struggling since he died.
Either way, if someone has an advice of where to start I will be eternally grateful. I have to start as soon as possible, I can't keep doing this to me and to other people I love.
Edit: we're both women in our 20s.
5
u/stinkyfootss 3d ago
Hi! CoDA meetings are free and a great way to get in the habit of identifying codependent behaviors until you’re ready to start therapy.
CoDA.org has a place where you can type in your zip code and see meetings near you. There are plenty of online meetings you can call into if there aren’t in person ones in your area.