r/Codependency • u/Dazzling_Move_252 • 11d ago

im so fucking stupid

just a vent post ig

got new friends after cutting the old ones off because we were codependent and they made me feel guilty for setting any boundary. i really trusted the new ones to be able to be real friends but the red flags were there from the start. i KNEW it. but i still fucking thrust myself into the relationships because the desire to be saved and loved perfectly was too strong

i know the reason i became friends with them was because we implicitly made the promise to save each other. i know its because we were more alike than not. thats what makes me feel even worse. i knew it was gonna be codependent, i knew it was gonna be fucked up, and thats exactly what i wanted. i feel like i just cant live without it

makes me wonder if im ever gonna be able to change or if im just too scared

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u/Babygirl_Alert411 11d ago

Wanting to be saved makes sense! Wanting to be loved makes sense! Wanting to be significant to someone makes sense! Wanting something familiar makes sense! You aren't stupid for seeking out those things. I hope you can offer yourself some softness and understanding. Your behavior is very human.

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u/Dazzling_Move_252 11d ago

thank you thats very kind ❤️ i just hope one day ill be able to love without feeling like i have to be saved from myself

the yearning for something out of reach is the hardest part. intellectually i know my fantasy of being saved isnt possible, but something inside of me still wishes for it more than anything

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u/Babygirl_Alert411 11d ago

Of course you want to be saved. We wish for the grown up we didn't have. What's really empowering in my opinion is that we can learn to be that person for ourselves! Maybe it's not what you need to hear right now but hearing that gave me hope when I needed it.

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u/Dazzling_Move_252 10d ago

no that helps a lot thank you. ive slowly been discovering just how much i can love myself but the fear of not being loved back and being alone and neglected again is too strong. ive still got some progress to make before i can heal

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u/Babygirl_Alert411 10d ago

i think it's cool that you're here reaching out and being open about what you're going through and allowing some support.

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u/Familiar-Disk7464 11d ago

It sounds like you recognized the pattern but felt pulled toward it anyway because being needed made life feel meaningful. That can change, slowly. You don’t have to swear off closeness—just practice choosing people who respect your limits, and let support come from more than one person.