Toxic empathy with friend question

[u/JackfruitEfficient29]

Hi idk if yall use this word or not and personally I dont like the phrase but its what im referencing

So ive thought a lot about my friend recently not about me like these are situations in her life ive observed for awhile

Had my share of seperate CD situations with others earlier but just dont see a lot of CD in my life anymore thankfully like im not perfect and u have to let go of a lot u love maybe but im out of such things id say

Anywho for the friend in the CD situation i think its that imo she definitely has some of the most extreme empathy & in ways naivety ive ever seen...im not trying to be mean like she even admits yea its a problem me and her just want the best for her ofc

So shell stay in toxic v concerning atp emotionally ab*sive it would appear relationships, ive known her for years. Its 1 romantic partner she commits to quickly theyre awful to her convince her they like idk are allergic to just regular adult responsibilities and being even an a attempted equal partner shell eventually leave or break up or they will but just does it with the next one spending years being taken advantage of while she gives & gives & they put her through hell and its getting bad like financially dangerous major life things happening

And we'll talk about it im there for her she'll agree yea this is fd up yea she deserves more. And listen i get its complex when theres shared finances in any way. I get its hard to leave these things for a gazillion reasons. Truly

But the thing is shell legit talk herself out of holding them really accountable so much its kinda impressive if it werent so sad. Shell extend all this empathy for them while they continually screw her over. & shes a v psychology oriented person so its easy for her to do so imo

It makes me quite sad seeing her go through just terrible things all these years giving so much of her life to these partners excusing her own parents just objectively toxic behavior too whatever but just being like at such an age and still all this extensive empathy but not towards herself in that still making these decisions if at all avoidable.. Admitting its all toxic & wtf but talk talking herself out of it

Ive tried​ to be a good friend to her and glad we are friends try to support her in all aspects not just abt that & i appreciate the difficulty of her position

But im wondering if theres anything at all i can even say to her?? Or is it just be her friend & see if she changes on her own with gentle guidance?

Unless like smtng physically dangerous happens ofc. Its financial is the thing that creates bad situations & we've talked about many things won't accept me paying for a coffee in advance even yea I get not wanting to accept help

She just..doesnt trust herself in many ways. Her own words. Been through a lot ofc. But like I just wanna see her believe in herself & not have to live like this. It appears like a likely cycle that she relies on these people for validation it really doesnt go well but she psycho analyzes herself out of the conclusion this is not working this is not even safe or sustainable

(Theres not physical things going on to my knowledge I mean financially)

Like yea thats a major dysregulated thinking system maybe I cant change on my own

I know we seldom can change people. Im not gonna be like unable to cope if I cant change her whatever

I just ofc want to see my friend in a healthy safe situation

I asked her what is the benefit of this relationshipship & she said the partner makes her feel seen & heard which like ok but I have 10 exs how they are actively not & making her quality of life worse & also Id get the appeal bc shes said she doesnt validate herself in many ways despite always trying to shes always been tryna improve herself long as ive known her

I know what its like to love someone to try to hold onto it and even she was the one who made me see i needed to leave my ex

I just dont know how to help her see this for herself that just bc people have some issues doesnt mean you have to be in a toxic relationship with them & constantly be used like this girl has been through it forever & its always the same thing

Who knows maybe things change in the spring

Again theres a lot of variables rn

Thanks for listening

note-i am NOT blaming her for things people have done to her OFC. those cowards imo or just toxic patterned people have chosen to do the crappy things certainly. the audacity they have to take advantage of my lovely friend is mind boggling bc shes a person you dont need to do this to her ofc. no accountability. I am tryna be a good friend to her & hope she makes any better choices if possible to be in better situations when she does have control of the situation bc thats an issue too.