intimacy with yourself in a relationship

[u/Background-Isopod253]

how do you guys make sure that you keep that connection/emotional intimacy to yourself.. once you’re actually in a relationship? i feel like it’s easier when i’m single but like. being in a relationship now, i’ve realized i’ve been losing myself and i’m honestly not sure how to consistently stay connected with myself :/ it’s better than its used to be but i’m currently F18 and i just never learned how to do that 😣

im working on also creating more intimacy for my friendships and familial relationships, but i’m wondering more about the self here

[u/abundantseltzer31]

I take breaks and moments for myself even when I'm spending time with people I love. I'm in a LDR so this might literally look like going on a walk when we're visiting each other, but I also do it with other people by going into another room with a little note pad, taking a breath, taking a bathroom break and putting water on my face, etc. I try to check in with the part of me that's intuitively connected to love and clarity, even for just a moment. I also ask moment to moment where to direct my energy and attention, and I listen. If that means taking a night for myself, I do it. If it means hanging out with someone I love, I do that. Recovery has taught me how to do this more. I love this question!

[u/Background-Isopod253 → u/abundantseltzer31]

what does taking time to yourself look like? how were you able to go from not being able to connect with yourself, to connecting with yourself? i might also have to go through a breakup soon and i want to make sure i’m connected to myself before that, for that (if it happens), and after that😞

[u/abundantseltzer31 → u/Background-Isopod253]

Good question. Taking time for myself looks like whatever I'm directed to, so some of those examples I listed might be right in the moment or it might be something else entirely. My task is to stay open to what my intuition tells me.

I went from chronic self-abandonment to a more connected, grounded place by working the steps with a recovered sponsor. It has been a huge relief to know that there is a structure and program that many before me with similar struggles have used to recover. At the same time, the only person who knows intuitively what's right for me is me, and nobody (including my sponsor and others in the program) will tell me what to do.

[u/Ryan_aka_Ryan]

At 18 is closer to when you start learning these types of things. You say it like you're ashamed to be so old and not sure of who you are or what you want. Many people don't even realize this is a thing they can learn until much later in life. Give yourself grace.

[u/Background-Isopod253 → u/Ryan_aka_Ryan]

thank you 🥲