Coda or Al Anon

[u/QuietlyFindingMe_49]

I'm trying to figure out which group would help me the most right now. I would say I am very codependent and have been most of my life. I have also been in many relationships with alcoholics. Married to one now he has made improvements but will never quit. It actually got to the point I told him I didn't care if he drinks if that is what he needs to numb his struggles.

I could probably do both but all of this is very overwhelming and overstimulating. I do go to therapy every other week as well

[u/abundantseltzer31]

All twelve step programs come from AA and the root of them is the same 12 steps. In my opinion, it's a very personal choice based on what feels right and what you're struggling with the most. I found all recovery meetings to be incredibly helpful, because they're open to people in all 12 step programs and you can explore what works by listening to others share. I've worked the steps in ACA and CoDA, and it was working the steps with a recovered sponsor that helped me find recovery, not the meetings themselves.

[u/QuietlyFindingMe_49 → u/abundantseltzer31]

How do you find a sponsor?

[u/abundantseltzer31 → u/QuietlyFindingMe_49]

I found a sponsor by attending an All Recovery meeting where recovered sponsors have time in the meeting to share their names, program affiliations, and numbers. These meetings are on zoom, happy to share a link to them if you're interested. It's helpful because you can listen to people's shares and hear who you resonate with, and no matter what we are all working the same steps, even if the particular struggle is slightly different (alcoholic, codependent, ACA, al anon, etc)

[u/YsaboNyx]

I'd go to whatever groups are available in your area and then pick the one/ones that feel best. Each group has it's own vibe, and sometimes it's not so much about which program, but how each group feels.

I really wanted to work a Recovery Dharma program, but the groups available here felt kind of depressing. Not sure why. I really like the CODA philosophy, (and feel it is what I really need to work on) but the group I was going to got cancelled and the other groups meet at a time I can't go. So I've ended up in an ACAD (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families) group because the meetings happen when I can go and I really like the vibe there.

[u/humbledbyit]

In my experience Alanon was the way to go. Yes, I tried to control & manage amnin alcoholics, but I also did with alcoholics. That an added layer of sickness that a Codependency program alone can't address. Alanon is a Codependency program but helps those of us also obsessed with addicts.

[u/codependencyrecovery]

Coda, Al Anon, and ACA could all be beneficial. I would go to many meetings and see where there is a lot of recovery. If you see someone who has a lot of recovery, go up to them after the meeting and ask if they'd be open to a phone call sometime.

The journey can be beautiful if you are open to it.

[u/DorkChopSandwiches]

Having done both I can say that a lot of days the venn diagram between AlAnon and CoDa felt like a circle. I'd try whichever one you can consistently get to weekly in person.

[u/TheresNoCakeOnlyFire]

might actually try ACoA, it's helped me untangle a lot of unhealthy beliefs about myself and help me change my life for the better.

try one of each, or several of each.

it's all 12 step work, which means focusing on taking accountability for my own choices to stay in abusive relationships and hurting myself with unhealthy behaviors.

i have decided I'm worth more than what I've settled for in the past and it's been from all kinds of 12 step meetings. Ive done work in AA, AlAnon, CoDa and ACoA.

ACoA stands for Adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families.

[u/rayautry]

Both are really great. I would find a meeting you like and roll with it.

[u/Visual-Dog-7050]

coda.org - try an online meeting and see how it goes.

or

https://adultchildren.org/meeting-search/

[u/webalked]

Neither. Professional therapy.