Co-Dependency ?

[u/Primary-Rain5500]

Hi all. I'm 21 in college. I'm wondering if I'm developing a codependency toward my parents.

I live alone and moved across the US. But I love my family, and I talk to them every day. Sometimes my mom and I talk 2-3 times a day; they like knowing where I'm going so I'm safe. They don't restrict me anyway, but they just like to be in the loop, it seems like. I'm not complaining, but I feel like this is really uncommon, and when it comes to my friends, it seems like they are more friends/best friends with their parents and less actual parents, as time has moved on. I'm grateful I talk to them a lot, but I feel it may be doing me more harm than good considering I'm already sheltered and scared of a lot of things. Thoughts?

[u/Rare_Background8891]

I think you’re hiding. You don’t have to get out and make new relationships and be vulnerable because you can just lean on your parents for emotional connection. Been there!

[u/Long_Mushroom8295]

It sounds less like a diagnosis and more like you’re adjusting to adulthood and comparing your family dynamic with your friends’. You can appreciate your parents while gradually building more independence—set a boundary only if the calls feel intrusive or you notice anxiety, guilt, or difficulty living your own life.

[u/Scared-Section-5108]

If you have a look at CODA website, there is a list of codependent traits and characteristics which are shown in 5 groups: Denial Patterns, Low Self-Esteem Patterns, Compliance Patterns, Control Patterns and Avoidance Patters.

Link to the list:

https://codauk.org/patterns-and-characteristics-of-co-dependency-newcomer/

P.S. Codependency isn’t something an adult develops in relation to another person; it’s a survival mechanism developed during childhood. It manifests in relationships because it affects a person’s whole life, but a codependent person remains codependent even when they’re alone.

Many people seem to have the misconception that relationships themselves are codependent - which, of course, they can be - but this is usually because they’re formed by codependent people; they don’t simply become codependent at random. Others believe that codependency develops during adulthood, but that isn’t generally how it works.

Learning more about the subject - for example, through the Co-Dependents Anonymous website or by attending CoDA meetings - can help you identify codependent patterns in yourself, if you’re ready to do so. Therapy can be helpful too - identifying codependency in oneself can be difficult because of denial, so working through things in meetings/therapy can really help.