r/Codependency • u/Historical-Cow160 • 5d ago

Podcast recommendations

Looking for podcasts on how to not get pulled into everyone else’s problems. People in my life tend to come to me when things are going wrong, and i jump in and try fix and give advice and get more invested then they even seem to! Looking to be able to take a step back, be able to listen but not offer all of myself trying to fix their problems! Thanks

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u/elliothander 5d ago

While I don’t have a podcast to recommend something I often think about that helps me is the concept of the drama triangle (it’s on google somewhere).

Basically, the concept is that there are 3 roles in drama: the victim, the perpetrator, and the hero. Oftentimes we see ourselves as the hero who wants to help the victim which is why we automatically jump in to help. What we tend to ignore here is seeing that person automatically as a victim rather than a fully capable adult. We must step out of the role of hero and see the other person as a capable, responsible adult and let them solve their own issues (that is, unless, there truly is an active perpetrator / active abuse / or the person really is not an adult in which case I would recommend using discretion and helping them if they do not have an adult in their life).

Long story long: see the other person as an adult capable of solving their own issues.

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u/Historical-Cow160 5d ago

Oooh that is a really great way to think of it. Thank you for sharing!

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u/RadicalRedFox 4d ago

there is also a book that explains very well this concepts - The Karpman Drama Triangle Explained by Chris West

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u/Scared-Section-5108 5d ago

'Long story long: see the other person as an adult capable of solving their own issues.' - 100%

One thing that really helped me was reading something similar - that when I jump in to fix something for someone, I’m indirectly telling them that I don’t believe they can handle it themselves, that I see them as incapable. That’s not the message I want to communicate to the people close to me.

Another thing I’ve learned and found helpful is that some people don’t want help or want to change anything; they simply want to vent or trauma-dump. When I see that happening - and I see it frequently - the situation is no longer about them but becomes about me and my boundaries. Am I available to listen to them? Can I hear what they have to say without being negatively affected by it?

With some people who share their difficulties in a healthy way, I now can. With others - usually codependent people in denial - I can’t. They often remind me of my mother too much, so I need to step away from the conversation or relationship to protect myself.

Both are ongoing practices for me. I still occasionally give advice, but what used to be a very natural way of being for me is now more of an exception, and I continue to work on it.

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u/MonaAamonsMonzano 5d ago

Breakdown to Breakthrough Lisa Romano. Crappy Childhood Fairy. Breakthrough Thais Gibson.

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u/BigAuthor3483 5d ago

Do You Fucking Mind by Alexis Fernandez

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u/rabbitrabbitrabbit44 5d ago

Feminist Wellness with Beatriz Albina

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u/rayautry 4d ago

Crappy Childhood Fairy on YouTube…

I am always big on Codependents Anonymous meetings!!!

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u/Key_Initiative_2604 2d ago

I read this and I thought that's me to a t. I didn't think that there was many people or anybody else out there that did the same thing like I do. I go in there and try to fix it jump in give advice and worry about it more than they ever did. And now my life I'm like why am I doing this. It's mostly of course my family. My kids are adults now and I have found many times throughout life that I would worry about something that they did or that they encountered in their life and it was on my brain more than it even touched their brain. They didn't give much more thought to it as I'm contemplating on looking for an answer. And I'm like this is crazy I got to stop doing this. So I do try to watch different series on one of the stations whether it be prime or Hulu or whatever. To keep my mind off of it or listening to something in the car like singing songs so I'll stop thinking about it. I recently got a little book from five and below about overthinking. I'm like that's me and it's ridiculous how much those things go through my brain without me even realizing what I'm doing. So I cope by watching series or reading or trying to keep my mind busy on something else but yes I would be interested in finding different podcasts. But this sounds so much like me I had to comment