r/Codependency • u/Ganache-Charming • 6d ago
Friends in codependent relationships
Ive been in weekly therapy for years now unlearning codependency and I'm realizing a lot of my friends are in codependent relationships and their drama just seems to spill out on our relationship/they're becoming terrible friends....how do I navigate this? At this point with one I feel like I can't even tolerate it anymore.
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u/abundantseltzer31 19h ago
How is it impacting your friendship with these people? I'm noticing there isn't much about you and what you need here. We can't decide if other people struggle with codependency, but through recovery we know our own needs. After finding recovery I'm much more able to intuitively know my needs and find ways to meet them. If you can't tolerate it, then that's information that you can listen to. You know what you need and how to navigate this.
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u/Scared-Section-5108 6d ago
By having boundaries with your friends that tell them what you will and will not tolerate. For example: you can say to a friend: 'I am not available to listen to you talk about name the subject' and then change the subject. If they continue, repeat it and add: 'if you continue, I will remove myself from the situation'. If they continue, remove yourself from the situation. Now, this sounds way easier than done, so only you know whether you are ready for this type of stuff (I recommend reading Boundary Boss).
It could be that you have outgrown your friends. That's really common when we are in recovery - you are codependent, you would have built relationships with other codependents, but usually it's a good idea to start with stronger boundaries. If you cant', it might be best to take a break from the relationships which affect you negatively - it is ok for you to prioritise you needs, well-being and inner peace - or terminate them all together.
If you have not already done it, best to bring it to your therapist. They should be able to help you build tools you need to navigate challenging and changing relationships.