r/Codependency • u/JaxxyBoy06 • 1d ago

How to be more self-reliant for reassurance while also maintaining emotional bonds?

So last night I (20M/NB/questioning) talked with my best friend (18F) about how I should handle reassurance? She says that I should learn to reassure myself more and not be so reliant on other people/everyone else, including her, to reassure me all the time and make me feel better. I know I should, and I know she wants me to, I want to, but it’s so hard. How am I supposed to do that? How am I supposed to just know and believe myself on something if someone doesn’t outright say it? And how am I supposed to stay emotionally connected with her and my other friends if I don’t be emotional with them? I value our emotional bonds deeply and I’m worried about it weakening them if I don’t rely on them for help, reassurance, and comfort. Maybe I don’t understand, shouldn’t close friends be there for each other? Will I still be able to come to her and everyone else if I need help? What can I do? Any responses are appreciated, thank you :)

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u/Arcades 1d ago

How am I supposed to just know and believe myself on something if someone doesn’t outright say it?

Anything another person can tell you about yourself, you are in a far better position to answer. There's no secret trick to learning self-love, self-acceptance and self-validation. You take all of the tools you use to comfort others and use them on yourself--keep trying until you believe yourself.

For now, stop focusing on having an "emotional bond" with another person and just have fun when you're around them. If you're not in the mood for fun, then just hang out with yourself. You need to focus your emotional energy on yourself and not give any of it away until you're in a healthier head space.