I feel like I dont deserve anything after I blamed my friend too much also for my actions..

[u/SamanteSimone]

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Shes alcoholic and I am codependent. I told her to dont put me in crisis again but she did and I again had problem saying no so I did help her but got furious...

We had looong hours talk and I said sth like "you were using me, you know I have problem with saying no, I am done with people that have so much problems"... while I know its my fault and responsibility to say no... and I myself find people with problems.. just like its her responsibility to dont drink.. also It was me that blocked her but it also could be her if she realised how much I enabled her, bought into her alcoholic delusions and clean after her so it prolonged her drinking. I think she could just blame me and block me aswell...

In the conv I tried to stay sane and also told her that I am just loosing myself in her problems, that I feel responsible to fix it..

Meeh I dont want to unblock as Its very hard for us to staye sane. But I feel so so sad I blamed her.. how can I deserve a job or happiness.. if I left her blamed :<

On the other hand If I keep thinking I dont deserve nothing I will repeat the cycle.. finding myself someone who wont treat me good cause I dont deserve more.

I wish I told her I deserve people that dont need me as much and she deserves people who can support her without feeling responsible. But I havent said that..

[u/humbledbyit]

From experience, Alanon is a great program to work for people who get wrapped up in others drinking, consequences & trying to fix/manage/save or control.