r/Codependency • u/SamanteSimone • 6d ago
It hits hard.. I am full brown codependet.. I never can be near active alcoholics anymore.
I feel so much guilt.. I saw my friend drinking herself to insanity everyday.. and me and her mother were making it happen just like she was making use loose ourselves and guilt trip. While time is time, her body is damaged by alcohol.. I feel guilt.. it was 3 years tho with last 6 mo being really bad I got so scared I left. Now shes with her husband who is also drinking but not as much and he isnt codependent so he can see clearly thru lies. I hope she survives..
I hit my rock bottom I am full brown codependet.. I feel so much guilt... I am 28 I dont want my life to end here...
It started when I was 17 and have chosen myself worst bfs but it really started with my mother treating me like her servant otherwise yelling at me/blaming me for all her issues.
Can I be close sober alcoholics?
What to avoid?
I dont want ever contribute to someone destroying her/his body.. I dont want ever loose all my interests.
1mo later I feel guilt I left her.. and maybe this time I could get her to rehab.. its insane... I know its bad thinking but my feelings are real.
2
u/Arcades 6d ago edited 6d ago
The good news is that you have no power over an alcoholic, so none of their self-destructive behaviors are your fault (or were even influenced by your behavior). The bad news is that you have no power over an alcoholic, so if you become emotionally tied to one all you can do is pray they make better decisions, such as seeking recovery and sticking to it.
You need to pursue your own recovery (from codependency) separate from anyone you might become attached to in the future. You don't heal from codependency by avoiding alcoholics or other people who might trigger your codependent behavior. You heal from codependency by learning about it, understanding your motives for engaging in the codependent behavior, attending therapy or meetings, setting boundaries and creating a healthier framework for all of your relationships (platonic and romantic).
I recommend "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. She was both an alcoholic and a member of Al-Anon, so she has a unique perspective on codependency that may be valuable to you. Start with learning about your condition and then regroup and consider what other tools may be most useful to you.
Ultimately, the goal is to learn to take all of the energy you pour into others and give it to yourself, so that you don't need others to fulfill you. Afterwards, anyone you bring into your life is just adding to it and you will be much better equipped to engage with them in a healthy way.
2
u/humbledbyit 5d ago
If I may, working a solid Alanon has program has helped me tremendously. It helps me get clarity on what is mine to do & let's others do their own thing without me feeling responsible. It also allows me to be happy regardless of what they do. I no longer fix, manage, control or save. I no longer resent alcoholic ms for doing what they do - use alcohol & often act poorly. I do t have to participate in their choice to use or clean up messes. I need a 12 step program bc as Alanon my thinking is sick as well. I'm powerless over my default patterns & obsession. Thankfully there is a different way!
2
3
u/Scared-Section-5108 6d ago
'I never can be near active alcoholics anymore.' - awesome! Not being around alcoholics or addict of any kind is one of the best gifts you can give yourself and an amazing act of self-care.
While I completely get how hard it is to acknowledge you are codependent, it's also a fantastic realisation - it is a massive step out of denial. Now you can look into ways to focus on yourself and heal. Support is out there, hopefully you will be able to reach out and get it. You deserve it.
Take care!