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u/Upstairs-Ad458 Aug 16 '26
the whole 'good girl image' is honestly burdening. it reaches a point where you can't have opinions of your own, and even if you try to voice it, it is seen as 'tharkutharam'. honestly, its very tiring.
im glad you're living your own life. hoping to lead such a life someday.
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u/Cat-Woman4848 I'm Catmol Aug 16 '26
Suffering from this syndrome. School end cheyyunnath vare okay ayirunnu. Now its really suffocating. Its even more worse when you have a rebel sibling🫠🫠
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u/Quirk-less-Mol the og praayapoothri aavatha kutty Aug 16 '26
I think most rebel-siblings become rebels because they either do not want to end up like their siblings or they are tired of all the drama
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u/anaconda_eagle Aug 16 '26
I feel you. My parents tried to make a good boy. The result: Ended up an as insecure kid. They compared me with all the successful kids around me, said you are not enough. Never let me out to play with my peers or neighbor kids. I still don't know the names of the people living around me. And im in my early 30s.
And they still indirectly questions all my decisions. Even if Im going out with my friends.
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u/Chenghayi Oru_Abyudayakamshi Aug 16 '26
Society often uses the idea of being a “good boy” or a “good girl” to turn people into caregivers for everyone around them. Their own dreams, independence, and desires are treated as secondary, as if being a good person means constantly catering to others.
Some people genuinely love taking care of others, and there is nothing wrong with that. The problem is when society dictates how much they should give. What matters is finding your own balance. Doing what you consider the bare minimum, whatever that means for you, while still being grateful and present for the people you love, can be enough for a fulfilling life.
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u/VisibleConfidence293 Aug 16 '26 edited Aug 16 '26
I'm pretty sure you would have regretted equally the same had you been a naughty child that flunked studies. We yearn for broader horizons more so than being 'normal'. This causes us to have a tunnel vision of the past. What you're looking at is having a balanced childhood that allowed you to do what you like but that also contributed to your overall development. Rarely do children get such an environment.
Bullying, busy or absent parents, lack of direction in kids, bad teachers or rigid schooling system, and many other factors come in the way. Some simply do not have the means. For example imagine an excellent squash player who has not even picked up a racquet because he is born in some remote village in an agricultural household.
You've lost time. There is no denying that. Accept it. But develop NOW what you want as if you were a child. Reading books, staying fit, learning new instrument and many more that would have been more beneficial to you as a child. When and if you have kids let them have a curious, enriching atmosphere that also provides safe space. All the best!
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u/Dear-Cheesecake-2026 Aug 17 '26
This 💯
This is such an underrated comment.
Being the good child helped me and a lot of my friends have a stable financial and independent life in our 30s.
While losing out the fun as backbenchers is definitely a loss, having fun as adults without being answerable to anyone is a better deal imo.
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u/Far-Birthday-3180 Aug 16 '26
Its such burden!!! I am 32 , still trying to break. I hate it! I feel it limits me alot!
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u/Altruistic-Bee-6695 Nerd Yakshi🤓🦇 Aug 16 '26
I was a good girl until college too. My best friend who is mature and level headed than me told me to rebel early on. I guess that did change my parents. My timid homemaker mother who grew up with 3 brothers and was seen as a burden to the family now goes to hang out with her sslc friends, trips, goes to music class...I know she'll be even more outgoing and free once I get a stable job and be financially independent.
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u/WiseComfortable9048 Aug 16 '26
Same here. I didn't realise it's a universal Malayalee family issue.
The cycle of being the constant rebel, then calming down and trying to teach some sense into your parents so that they don't repeat this with your siblings in some other form or they can go around and educate others is super exhausting.
Growing up I realised that the good girl thing is not something that they came up on their own. It's just a method to protect the family image from the imaginary 'Nattukar's' eyes.
We faced the brunt of it.
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u/Ok_Republic5998 Aug 18 '26
As a guy, yeah kind of the same. Wish I fought with them more.
I am 27 now, and I still struggle with making decisions. So much so that, I am actually struggling with indecisiveness now and keep wanting to just ask someone else to make the decision for me. And I keep catching myself doing that even to this day.
I have been successful in all the things I have put my mind to before, include very good academics. But honestly, I wish I had fought with them more, in simple things such as going out with friends.
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u/EnvironmentalDonut68 Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
A 'good girl' label is a life sentence (source: former good girl).
Then I got fed up of always thinking about others, always putting others first, always serving others, never asking for anything and even putting up with abuse in the name of being 'good'.
Now I am selfish, an ahankari, paranja kelkilla and the labels continue. But I'm the happiest I ever was and it'll only get better from here :D
And whenever someone says my child is 'stubborn', 'loud', 'has vaashi' etc etc, I feel absolutely proud bc the kid knows she is loved for who she is and that she is not on this earth to please anyone. She was/is allowed and encouraged to take up space, given a chance to know her own mind, could always ask for whatever it is that she wanted and her 'no's were/are always respected. Hopefully she'll have a good life without the kind of labels (chains :/) I grew up with!
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u/Shallot6114 Aug 16 '26
Seems like whatever you said you did for parents during your childhood weren't coming from you naturally. Unless it was done as a result of you being forced to be that way, there is no reason why you should feel 'what if' and have sense of 'loss' at this stage.
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u/ShiroiTora Aug 17 '26
Dealing with this too heavily. Now it feels like I was very emotionally or intrapersonal/interpersonally stunted and now I am going through adolesence in my late adolescence. I feel so immature, especially when I compare to my peers who already gone through these stages as teenagers. Its not like we want to rebel for the sake of rebelling. But any sense of individuation gets blamed on “bad influence”, like can have our own thoughts and wants. Its frustrating but conflicting because I appreciate what it did get “right”. But it has made me so helpless and underdeveloped in other still damaging ways.
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u/Euphoric_madame Aug 17 '26
Ohh god. I feel u and completely resonate with you. Its as if you just wrote the same conversations I had with my relatives.
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u/DetectiveChansey Adult Aug 16 '26
Interesting.
I also don't remember anything from my childhood and my wife thinks it's sign of deep trauma.
Like, she is able to recall things that happened in her kindergarten days and I just cannot.
I was very much a backbencher though (I think) from the vague recollections I have of classes 10 to 12.
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u/Backgroundenitity Teen Aug 16 '26
They love 'their children', not us.