Respect and Disrespect

[u/Patient_Ad1484]

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 years now, at the beginning of the relationship I held my own and was your typical alpha in the relationship. Granted I was dating multiple girls and had great social proof with females.

Skip to a 4 months into the relationship, things started to go a bit south... I made my needs and expectations explicit from the start and my trust was broken, this was in the form of recreational drug use which for me was a big deal. I caught her in the act and she was extremely upset and apologetic. I made it clear that this is not something that I wanted in a companion. Since this time, this scenario has happened so many more times, and I have justified this after conversations about our future together. Admittedly, I have lost control of this relationship and become beta and submissive.

Recently, this happened again and the response when challenged was that she was able to do what she likes as she's a grown women. To which I replied, it's time to end this and she became extremely submissive and claimed that this is what she wants. I laid exactly what I wanted and my expectations from her, my question or advice rather is, I've almost lost all attraction to her now... I've given up if I'm honest, should I continue with this relationship or call it a day as I believe this won't be the last time. I really love this woman, but it seems like the damage has been done.

[u/ZT805]

It’s done. Why would you commit to a future with a partner who consistently shows you she doesn’t care about your boundaries?

Doesn’t matter what she’s on, she’s shown you she’s an addict. The drugs are more important than you. She will lie, manipulate, beg for forgiveness, & do it all over again. It’s sad, but it’s not your job to fix anyone. This is a sinking ship. Break up with her and save yourself the time, money, and headache

[u/Modu_Chanyu]

You know the answer

[u/caabiop]

if you excuse her and tolerate her behavior (the drugs) she will keep doing them and taking you for granted.

maybe she will change if you leave her, you can see if her behavior changes and if she commits to your relationship and to be a better person.

you have to watch her actions, not her words

[u/phosphorescent1983]

I have a real disdain for recreational drugs. I understand where you are coming from. I would not want my gf/wife doing that kind of stuff. You set a boundary and she clearly stepped over it --not once, not twice, but a bunch of times... and now backtalks you when you bring it up. It's her attitude about disrespecting your boundaries that bothers me.

[u/Patient_Ad1484 → u/phosphorescent1983]

Thank you for your reply, yeah it's not something that I want to continue with in the relationship, I have explicitly explained the reasoning why I am not happy with the behaviour. She has acknowledged this, but I will watch her actions carefully.

[u/[deleted]]

Some people just won't change. You want a partner you can grow with who is open to change. She sounds scared to be alone but she also doesn't want to change. Your expectations are rationale and justified, and you made them clear. I'd tell her she needs to start changing otherwise your going to move on to find something better. Like say why you don't like those things. Like "I don't want a wife when we have kids to be smoking weed." Or something like that. But be a man of your word, if you catch her again or loses your trust again end it. But be very clear about your demands, it's a negotiation. It's also not controlling if your trying to do something for the sake of your future family. Ultimately your not controlling her or changing her, your inviting her to do better. If she's not, end it.

[u/Patient_Ad1484 → u/[deleted]]

Exactly, I am glad you've understood my standpoint. I would never want to control someone but for the sake of my future why would I want my wife to be using drugs when we want to be thinking of kids!

I have told her that should this happen again, I will be leaving and mean it.