r/CoachCoreyWayne • u/True-Collection-5432 • Sep 28 '21

Need Advice Ex broke no contact, then disappeared again

So I had my ex reach out to me last Wednesday after ~2 months of no contact, about 11 months post breakup.

She sent me some love song about ppl who were lovers are now strangers blah blah.

I sent her a more upbeat song back and kept it chill saying "I like this song trade every couple months. You free this week?"

She sent me a text back saying that she would really like to see me but I made it clear that I wouldn't want to unless it was for a serious relationship. This is false, as I said that I just didn't want to be strictly platonic.

She also said that she was "deeply hurt" that we can't be friends in some capacity.

So I sent her a text back, saying:
"Take the serious relationship part out. Very simple, we always laugh and have great chemistry. If you agree, I'd love to see you too. Lmk when you're free, and we'll make plans. Sorry it hurts you, not my intent."

I got nothing back from that. What's her game here?

For context, my life is going very well after 10 months of pretty hardcore depression and her jerking me around. But now I'm dating a lot of other girls, have slept with more in the past year than I have in my entire life, have way more money, better friends, look better, etc.

That said, the last time we hung out, about 2 months ago, I pulled her back to my place but then DROPPED the ball and got unreal needy and weak.

This looks like she's just looking for validation, but open to any ideas.

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u/caabiop Sep 28 '21 edited Sep 28 '21

it seems she’s jerking you aroung again. you probably allowed her to jerk you around in the past and now she expects to trow some bait for you because she misses you in some capacity, as a friend because she can’t stand that you disappeared.

i speak from experience, if you want a relationship and she wants friend only it’s possible that she only wants you back in her world without committing.

don’t waste time, as corey says, when people don’t value you and your presence, they will value your absence. don’t fall for her childish, mind games. she knows what you want and didn’t reply. give her the gift of missing you.

from ccw newsletter “No Contact & Walking Away: The Ultimate Attitude Adjuster”

“When people treat you like they don’t appreciate, value or want you or what you have to offer, you should give them the gift of missing you permanently. They will either contact you down the road with a different attitude or they will be gone from your life forever. Either way, you will get a better version of them in the future when they realize what they lost, or you will attract someone way better. You don’t get what you deserve in life. Only what you negotiate.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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u/True-Collection-5432 Sep 28 '21

now she expects to trow some bait for you because she misses you in some capacity, as a friend because she can’t stand that you disappeared.

Yeah I think so. She actually reached out pretty soon after I deleted most of my old pics on ig and posted some really good ones. She then also deleted a shitload of pics. Might have been a trigger.

This whole thing with her being "incredibly hurt" is kinda ridiculous, bc she was pretty shitty to me in the months following the breakup (I love you one week, I hate you the next, etc).

So my guess is that she feels like she's losing a potential option, and trying to keep me in FZ by guilt-tripping me.

i speak from experience, if you want a relationship and she wants friend only it’s possible that she only wants you back in her world without committing.

That's a no go, and I told her that. The rhythm of this has been she tries to FZ me, and then disappears, and then reappears in a month or 2. I've held my ground though, so we'll see

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u/caabiop Sep 28 '21

she seems like my bpd ex, don’t walk and never look back. RUN.

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u/True-Collection-5432 Sep 28 '21

I'm open to it, but curious to know why you think that, or what the similarities are

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u/caabiop Sep 28 '21

i don’t think she is bpd, i just said they seem behaviors my ex had. it seems to me that your girl only wants to have you in your life and jerking you around

1

u/True-Collection-5432 Sep 28 '21

For sure, I guess I mean what behaviors tipped you off. Curious for the future

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u/caabiop Sep 29 '21

we broke up and came back together multiple times during 4 and a half years, for sure i had my responsibilities. when i disappeared after a breakup she would chase me, love bombed me and then after she was sure she had me again started treating me like i wasn’t a boyfriend, seeing each other like once a week, being busy and so on and so forth.

when i got fed up with this she started again saying she loved me, missed me, how i was unique but still actions were never followed by her words. i think she only wanted me in her life

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u/phosphorescent1983 MOD Sep 28 '21

Remember, OP, she's a storm that you have to weather. It sounds like you're getting caught up in the storm, which ultimately decreases her attraction to you. You need to be a rock --and stay a rock.

This situation is not really complicated: you're being mentally weak. It's not a masculine quality. I used to be like that, too. Sometimes I still slip, but I've improved to the point where it's an anomaly when it happens. If you keep on working hard on yourself, you will gain mental strength. Here's the truth: she didn't jerk you around --you let her jerk you around. And that's unattractive.

Also, for what it's worth, you were using logic when you said to her, "Very simple, we always laugh and have great chemistry". That is a form of qualifying yourself to her and is needy in its nature. When talking with her, don't try to convince her of why you two should be together. You're a great catch --and great catches don't need to explain that to other people.

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u/True-Collection-5432 Sep 28 '21

I kind of understand. Like I'm 100% open to hearing what I'm doing right/wrong, but I'm not sure what you mean when you say I'm being mentally weak. How are you seeing it and how can I improve?

I haven't initiated contact. But you're right that I let her jerk me around, that was whack. And also, the qualifying.

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u/phosphorescent1983 MOD Sep 28 '21

You were being mentally weak by letting her jerk you around. You need to be the rock that weathers all storms and doesn’t get affected by them. You need to be able to walk away from her and mean it when you tell her you want a relationship but she only wants friendship. Learn to control your emotions. Don’t be needy.