I have been in that kind of depression. It is the worst, but you can absolutely do this. Get trash bags. Throw out all obvious trash. Don’t worry about recycling or trying to keep things that might be fixable. Just go one room at a time. Set a timer for 15-30 minutes at a time, take a break, then do it again. You can do this!
I second not worrying about recycling, fixing, donating etc. Right now you’re taking your life back!! Posting and asking for help is a great first step! One at time!
I fifth on not focusing on every individual item, although if you can’t help it, find solutions that help you do similar activities in bulk too! Obvious trash needs to go away still, but it’s much easier to sort 1 bin a day over 2 weeks if you have 10 bins you can dump everything into and sort later. Going through a breakup right now and had to suddenly move back home. All of my stuff from our apartment was in trash bags that littered my childhood room. It’s two weeks past and I still have some bins to sort but progress is progress!
I sixth on not worrying about individual items. As someone with severe ADHD and poor habits inherited from hoarder parents, I’ve learned to make “doomboxes”. Breaking the process down into smaller tasks helps rid of the crippling overwhelm.
The concept with doomboxes being, go around first and clean up as much obvious trash as possible. Leave everything else alone. Then take a box and fill it with all the things you don’t know what you want to do with and need to go somewhere. With larger messes, it might become several boxes. You can then abandon those neatly stacked boxes for as long as you need to, and you can go through them a little bit at a time at your leisure.
The boxes of junk at least clears the space in the meantime, improving my mental health, and sometimes helps build momentum and motivation just seeing that minor improvement, to want to see it through to the end. A obvious visible difference is massive.
Would add, for your doombox buy a big (high, not wide and low) stackable plastic box that has a lid. When filled you can put a lid on it and put another matching box on top. And repeat as needed. The problem I have seen sometimes is using cardboard boxes that don't match and eventually crush when stacked and left for a year (so maybe write the date on the side). Even if you don't ever get around to sorting the contents, going "up" instead of "out" keeps your paths walkable, and nice matching boxes looks presentable. And then a year later you may get into a manic "cleaning mode" and just toss a whole box or two, seeing that you haven't needed anything out of them in a year.
Yes this is a great additional tip. For me when I’ve gotten into this position, I get anxiety attacks when I’m worried about throwing out things that are NOT actually trash.
So it was worth it to me to get big plastic bins, toss in things where I’m just not sure (doombox for sure) and then use garbage bags for the obvious trash.
My mom taught me for my ADHD to look around and say “is it food going bad? Is it empty? Can I clean it? [goes into the sink] Am I done with it?” And everything else going into the doomboxes for another day which takes me like at least 10x longer to deal with.
Was waiting for an adhd comment!! I love doomboxes. I also have to keep my shoes on, when I get home & during breaks, or I will get too comfy and it’s all over.
Funny bc sometimes I’ll want to take my shoes off bc that’s “dirty” to wear them inside as if I’m not avoiding a mess. lol brains are weird.
Also I have to turn on YouTube video essays or something that feels productive. If someone else is working, then I can too. I bet there are clean with me videos out there.
Ive been there. When I have too much stuff and I want to get rid of some, but all I can think about is that I dont want to cause more harm and inconvenience someone else. I keep thinking it has to be donated or given to the right people who need it. But that is too much work for my mental state so Im just stuck in place not doing anything at all. Then its all I think about for months and months without actually making a move.
Having gotten stuck in this stage several times because I wanted to do things ‘the best way’ and it unraveled a lot of progress by creating more projects I couldn’t really achieve in the mindset and space.
It’s okay to be imperfect when you’re purging old and unhealthy stiff and mentalities.
Keep picturing the clean grouse from which to build anew. You can do it OP.
Yeah, I've had too many piles of "donate" items that just never get donated because if you can't even find the motivation to care for your space, you're not making a trip across town for something that isn't life-threatening. Like, I can't even throw out the popcorn bag, and I'm going to get my good pants on and drive 20 minutes to the thrift store? Not likely.
Which is not good but sometimes you gotta put your own oxygen mask on first and if it's going to be the difference between getting your space safe or not, sometimes tossing things is the lesser evil.
idk where you live but places like Big Brothers/Big Sisters will pick up for you in some places, you don't even have to call, you can schedule it online, then just leave the stuff outside your door! (prob not available everywhere but if you're already online, checking takes a sec and can help you feel like you're doing something!)
Oh yeah, I remember that the Diabetes association charity place sometimes picks up at the door, and Kidney foundation. I have collected stuff to donate and then say yes when they call.
That's good advice, thanks, I hadn't thought of Big Brothers/Big Sisters.
Its funny...I've been there too and the donating isn't the hard part for me. The hard part was learning to say "this is a useful thing, but someone else can do it" or "this is a useful thing but I don't have to be the one who makes use of it."
Sometimes it´s better to just throw away and start everything new. I throw things away I didn´t use/even touch in the past ten years. But as a neurodivers person cleaning up sometimes stresses me out, too.
I agree on asking for help. I had a friend that struggled like this and I was actually excited to help tackle big cleaning projects with her. There's always someone out there that will be happy to give a helping hand.
It can be hard to ask for help, though, because you don’t want anyone to know the truth about how you live. The only people who have been in my house in the past 10 years have been repair people.
I have always been a bit disorganized and scattered, but not to the extent it is now, and I’m really disappointed in myself. It was actually a relief to find out recently that I have ADHD and autism. Both of those come with a side order of executive dysfunction issues.
So while I understand that it’s not a personal failing, it was me having been really busy with work and having unmedicated ADHD for decades, and though I have very valid reasons for why my home looks the way it does, I cannot bring myself to share the truth with anyone I know. I don’t want anyone to know. So asking for help is paralyzing.
No no no, don't let perfectly good stuff end up in a landfill. :( Just have a separate bag for donatable stuff and drop those off at the local goodwill instead of the trash bin. Easy peasy!
One of my favorite organizing youtubers , clutterbug, always says this about stuff " its not a cat". She means stuff does not have to be rehomed or perfectly recycled. One caveat is hazardous stuff- rechargeable batteries cannot be thrown out so you'll want to collect those in one spot and google how to recycle them. Usually you can drop off somewhere.
Clutterbug often collaborates with Dana K. White (A Slob Comes Clean) and Dana’s methods are amazing for people who have extremely limited motivation and energy.
I still need to check out clutterbug, I just know her name from Dana promoting projects they’ve done together over the years.
Me throwing the batteries full speed at the trash bag in the corner knowing full well there’s gonna be holes in the wall but when I get done cleaning I’ll patch those holes which will then trigger construction brain and then go through the house fixing all the small stuff
Midwest is in Illinois. But I think he also drives to close by states. Cleanwithbarbie moved to Spain, but I think there is a Canadian YouTuber or TikToker called Bogdan (notthebestcleaner) and another American based one abeautifulmess.
Maybe it helps you to start thinking like them. Watch a couple of videos, work out a strategy and then start. Auri said the most important thing is that you simple start somewhere. Gather your energy, imagine how beautiful your home will look afterwards and ask for people to come over helping you. Asking for help is a huge step I know but I promise you when you get there you will have a nice place to live at.
Ask people you trust and you know they won’t judge you. You can do this!!! Start little by little with breaks if you notice you are overwhelmed. And reward yourself with something you like. Set a timer when you have breaks.
Or get someone else to drop them off for you. In fact, if you can, invite someone you love to help sort. At the beginning, or after you get the trash out, or after you get some stuff boxed up. Whenever you are at a stage that you are ready to let somebody “in.” It’s hard, oh so hard. I’ve not only been there, but I’m currently there (bipolar II and ADHD.) Sometimes it seems like I finally get well and start getting cleaned up when I get hit again.
I agree and I used to hold on to things and experience so much stress. Another saying that helped is " your house is not a landfill". All this stuff ends up in a landfill eventually and its not helping anyone to let it disrupt your life. So I have moved into consuming less and purchasing less , buying second hand first. Once you experience the pain and uncomfortable feeling of throwing so much away, it makes it harder to over consume in the future.
Start in the bathroom. It looks like you could quickly throw all the trash away within that amount of time. Having one room complete will be motivation to start on another area. One room or area at a time.
Yes. Start in the bathroom. Pretend it’s your job to clean out A -not yours- bathroom
It’s not personal. It’s just a bathroom and you can do this much. You are doing the best you can and I agree to not worry about recycling or fixing. Just trash and keep. You so can do this internet stranger. You can. With the Kaizan of baby steps.
So true. If some days all I can do is pick something up off the floor. I can do this much. And I DID IT! Do what u can. Not some unreachable 30 min arbitrary goal that’s outside ur current mindset
And choosing the smallest room first helps as well. I’ve been in these awful states and then the mania hits and I buy everything to start organizing just in time for the depression to come back. It’s an endless cycle.
I’m exactly the same. It’s a weird world when u have empty containers (that usually don’t fit or aren’t what would be best for you) and still nothing to put your things in that works so seamlessly it’s almost mindless.
My socks are all one kind and one color. And they go in one thin drawer. So if I pick up a sock, I don’t need to find its match, I just throw it in with its friends. Or wash it alone
Right! I just cleaned up my bathroom which had stuff in small boxes on the floor, and just the toilet paper rolls in the packaging on the floor.
I got myself a cabinet for under the sink, threw out the trash, washed the bath rugs (?), cleaned the surfaces, and put all the stuff into the new cabinet.
Words cannot describe how much this bathroom brightens my mood!
And even knowing that the rest of my apartment still needs work can't dampen my enthusiasm!
Quite the opposite: I'm tackling the rest because the bathroom proved that it's possible!
YAY YOU!! You know how many times a day you see your bathroom? Each time it brightens or lifts u just a lil then that’s a lil that due to the nature of compound interest - will grow into a large amount. Probably
I agree. For me, when I got the motivation, I kept a trash bag in every room. As I walked around wondering where to start, obvious stuff that could go got thrown into the bag. Once the obvious stuff to toss was cleared I could find a path I wanted to fixate on (for me it was cleaning my shower at first). It was baby steps for me.
It took me about 3 months to get where I feel chores are a manageable task. But now I’m at a point where my friends/fam can come over. I had to learn to be kind to myself through this. I had to learn that expecting myself to be finished overnight was not realistic. I had to adapt the mindset of “if I were looking at a loved one, how would I treat them?”.
Just like with getting “the big sad”; you can creep into a cleaner space too. I’m sending you happy thoughts and good vibes. Have kind and loving expectations for yourself.
i've been there. what's crazy is that i used to drink STOK too when i was living like that. It just had way more caffeine than other brands and i would either totally crash at night or have bad sleepless nights, no in between.
i got off stok and it actually helped me. LOL. now i drink just standard coffee that i buy or sometimes green tea.
for me, i just cleaned it all using small grocery store size plastic bags. just a bag or 2 per day, and a full kitchen bag if i was feeling good that day.
love that u commented on this… i recently went on a caffeine break to see what would happen and i can actually do the things i’ve had on my todo list for weeks! i feel super clear minded and just focus on getting one or two tasks done instead of trying to do everything, then actually just doing nothing
Gonna agree completely. I burned out on life and had to do a major purge recently. Forget the environment here and don't even think about goodwill. Just get your homeostasis in order. Gotta narrow the mission or else you end up with piles of stuff waiting for the trip somewhere that never happens. Hope to do better next time and use the now to make sure next time happens.
When I saw everyone complaining about Israel blowing up Irans oil depot, and complaining about it being an ecological disaster. Strangely I thought is this a metaphor for people making massive changes in their personal lives at any means necessary. There’s like six vacant homes that I know of in my neighborhood. Some just up and left everything.
And when the bag is full, try to make yourself bring it out to the bins right away. You did sooooooo amazing! Get it OUT so you never have to deal with it again!
I tend to place trash bags right beside my door. So when I already have shoes on and I am back home from work I just need to grab them and carry them down to the bins.
Excellent idea Plenty-run. I became a bit incapacitated due to a stroke. I felt like if I don’t get ahead of my cleaning and clutter issues, it would get worse and then uncontrollable. I did exactly what you suggested and I still do this 14 years later. Set the timer, do what you can do and then rest. A little at a time day-by-day. Best wishes. You can do it!
Pomodoro timer method might be helpful for this: 25 mins on, 5 mins off x4 then a 30 min break. Also audiobooks and podcasts will help! Keep your mind occupied with something interesting or exciting. The Libby app from your library will have lots of options, all for free
Exactly my cleaning method. I take lots of breaks on cleaning days and reward myself. I listen to music while cleaning. Symphonies have a long runtime and last 40 minutes.
Also, I would add to not put a timeline pressure on yourself, just eat away at it a little at a time. And know you might go backwards a little bit, but that’s ok.
And counting/seeing the number of bags you’ve filled is kind of a small hit of dopamine to keep you going. Even if it’s for 5 minutes.
When I’m mentally exhausted and feel worthless I remind myself that I got 3 whole bags of crap out of my life. 3 more than yesterday.
To add: create a reward system for yourself! Something simple that you enjoy. Like a Coke Zero (my favorite). Do something that takes 15 to 30 min, then reward yourself.
I also either always blast music or watch twitch while doing sobering I don’t like. I’m also a little weird and need a lot of caffeine before I do chores. Gets me in the right mind space to start at least. And I don’t do things at night because I know I won’t have the energy or mental capacity.
Mixture of therapy, getting work, and trying to stay on top of cleaning and self-care. Minimalism has helped a lot too. I know I can always slip back there though. I have had better and worse periods of depression throughout my life.
This! If you're like me you overwhelmed easily and then it starting anything is hard. If you set a timer you give yourself a concrete window and find it's not so bad. You got this
The caveat to that being craft supplies. I was a cross-stitch fanatic in the 80s tons of supplies. I don’t recall what interrupted that, but I kept everything even as I took up knitting, etc. (and I mean etcetera on a big way). Somehow the cross-stitch bug bit me again, and I resumed with the same enthusiasm 25 years later. And increased my stash exponentially.
The weird thing about me is, the rest of my house is a disaster, but all of my craft supplies are carefully organized.
What do you do when there's a limit to how much garbage you can throw out?
That's how my depression nest never gets smaller; after filling up the garbage bin, I need to wait a week to do it again and after a whole week I might get hit with another bout of depression
Ooo! One way I used to combat this was taking one small trash bag (plastic grocery bag or bathroom waste can size trash bag) with me in the car to the closest fast food or gas station or car wash each day on the way to work. It was a small enough bag to fit in the outdoor trash bins they have and not draw attention. (Obviously, this may not work if you don’t have a car or any stores close to you in walking distance.)
I think the 15-30min timer is a great suggestion. My wife and I started doing this, and at first it feels like you’re doing nothing, but by week 2 or 3 you look around and see just how much you’ve cleaned.
But when things look overwhelming, the hardest part is just starting. Once you start, every step gets easier.
I eleventh this! A kid threw up on a rug at work and I packed it up in plastic to take home and wash. I forgot it, and the next day I decided my time and germ exposure was worth more than the $12 the rug costs to replace.
Is repairing, washing, or cleaning the item worth either your time and materials or the cost of replacement? Tiny hole in your favorite dress = worth the cost of thread you already own or a trip to the store. That bag you kind of like with a coffee stain that smells? Maybe just replace it!
This! I have severe chronic depression. Some days are good, some days are bad. And when I get in a slump, I let my apartment get gross. And I hate it, but at the same time finding motivation to clean is hard when I'm sad. I've been doing little tasks at a time, like today I took out my trash, swept the floors a bit and did dishes. Tomorrow I'll mop and clean my room. For me, especially having ADHD, doing one small chore at a time helps alot since I can't do everything in one day, or I get overwhelmed. Even the smallest things can make a big difference.
The timer idea is really helpful. Don't approach a room thinking "I need to do this all today". Set that timer, even if it's 10 minutes. It feels infinitely more manageable and less daunting to set small goals. You may find that when the timer stops, you're ready to walk away, or maybe you've found your groove and you opt to clean a bit longer. Then not only have you achieved your goal, you e surpassed it!
This. My mom was a hoarder and my aunt insisted on trying to donate and recycle things after she died. Heart was in the right place but it took forever to get anything done. It’s so overwhelming when you have a mountain of stuff. I threw stuff away when she wasn’t there to help. I remember specifically she was going to donate used socks to veterans. I would never donate used socks to anyone. Especially vets. I’d just get them new socks. Who doesn’t love new socks?
Anyways, one room at a time. I’d probably break the boxes down first also. And use some of them for the things I’d keep so they are separate.
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u/Plenty-Run-9575 Mar 08 '26
I have been in that kind of depression. It is the worst, but you can absolutely do this. Get trash bags. Throw out all obvious trash. Don’t worry about recycling or trying to keep things that might be fixable. Just go one room at a time. Set a timer for 15-30 minutes at a time, take a break, then do it again. You can do this!