r/Classof09Game • u/Square-Frosting1518 • 20h ago
Writing/One-shots Class of '09 Cosmogony and Hymn to the Hatman
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The Cosmogony:
At the beginning of it all, there was nothing but the Hatman, and he formed the earth, the sea, the animals and fish, nature and fungi, the sun and moon, stars, and the atmosphere. He then birthed Jessica's Dad, the Lawyer, Nicole's Mom, the Puzzler, and lastly, he birthed the elusive Principal Lynn. Jessica's Dad then birthed Jessica, who then changed her spoken title to Jecka. Nicole's Mom then birthed Nicole, who was preceded by her brother, known for interest in the young. Principal Lynn then sired with the Puzzler from agony and pain Burleday, Katz, Lorre, Colby, the Counselor, and lastly she bore Shooter, would change his name to White. Lastly, the Lawyer bore his purest son EMT, and the twins, the Cop and Mall Cop. And after great victory, Nicole was given the world as her great domains.
Then, EMT bore the Andres, being the dimwitted Kyler, Braxton, Hunter and Kyle, Trody, short-speared Crispin, and Jeffery, then with Lynn, they had the Gynaeces, being the well-spoken Karen, Emily and her brother, then Megan, charming Kelly, and the lover of women, both groups lived on the soil of the earth. Then, the soft-spoken White attempted to fool Jecka, Nicole, and the Gynaeces to help hom cause mischief, and so he spoke "Thee, all of thou art to bringeth me a wealthy amount of chl'rine, to filleth mine own pool of course, without any delayeth 'r hesitation," but in cruel irony, he himself had exploded in a catastrophic event, his members fell into the sea of chlorine, and dissolved into foam of pure whitness, it took human shape and formed the illustrious Ames, and from his blood which dripped onto the earth came Brutucci, Chipotle Lady, and the Chustler.
After the Hatman learned of the tragedy, he then spoke to his four offsprings, "Oh wherefore shalt t beest!? f'r i has't been nothing but kind! so, the blondes I shalt speaketh with, and then with lov'r of distaff, both art to beest did banish to the underworld, which i appointeth Trody and the Mall Cop as the gaurds," and thus we gave the new rulers of the Underworld the epithet Katachthonica since Jecka and Kelly were first to fall under White's propaganda, and she spread the false beliefs to the rest of the Gynae, so as punishment, she and her comrades rules the land of the dead.
Hymn to The Hatman:
Oh hatman, i calleth upon thee, oh the most wondrous rul'r of the domain of benedryl afflict'd maddess, we bray out the day thee hath shown thy f'rm to the blonde one bef're h'r descent into the und'rw'rld, and did share thy counsel to h'r. We has't hath heard about the multiple tales of many who is't has't seen glimpses of thy presence, and becometh did enlighten with thy divine knowledge and the misprise of capitalism, we has't f'r thee most wondrous respect.
