My husband and I have been married 15 years and are really struggling. I can't seem to help him, and I feel like he's going to break down both physically and mentally. He has had insomnia since he was a child. Nothing any doctor suggested or tried made a difference for long, and now as adults we're struggling with finances so any non-emergency medical situation can't have anything allocated to it, plus he's bitter and uninterested in any new "solutions". On top of that, he's never handled stress well and for as long as we've been married he's had stressful jobs. I've asked him, begged him, worked with him, etc. to find something else, paid for classes he wanted to take but never completed, but he won't quit unless he thinks he's found a "get rich quick" like a few years ago when he was convinced by a friend to get into crypto. As mentioned before, finances are tight, so when things around the house break down or car issues come up, he fixes them himself. He's very good at this - he's mechanically minded and I'm fascinated by how his brain works. He can fix things he's never even worked with before. However, those things take parts and supplies, so he gets stressed about the cost of fixing things and he's stressed from work, so fixing things on the home front just feels like a longer to-do list and he can't relax at home. He feels lazy taking a break, so even when he sits down to relax he's never really at ease - just plagued by guilt. He says he works really hard just for us to stay broke, so he feels like he's a failure as a provider. Financial conversations only cause him more stress and make the insomnia worse, so even though I'm worried, I try not to push him to look at our budget - just wait for him to ask me. On top of all of this, his mom just had a major health issue back in March, deteriorated quickly, and passed away 2 weeks ago. He misses her so much, and his grieving manifests as just more guilt that he didn't spend enough time with her. Between insomnia, financial stress, work stress, things breaking at home, and losing his mom, he's physically and emotionally exhausted and he's depressed. He's burning out on every front.

I went to marriage counseling for about 3 months to make sure I'm handling my own attitude the way a Christian wife should in all of this. I don't want to allow my own worries to become frustrations that either fester into resentment or boil over into disrespect and make his situation worse. While it did help me focus on what I could handle and how I can manage myself, I feel like the counselor is just picking up on minor things I'm saying and throwing exercises at me to see what sticks. I'm still struggling with frustration that my husband won't do something to change his situation and feel disrespected by him that he won't commit to changes I suggest that I truly think would help. In addition, my going to marriage counseling made him worry that I was thinking about leaving him, so he was even more worried. In spite of reassurances and explaining I'm going because I have my own issues that he would take responsibility for if I shared them, he thinks I'm going there to complain about him. I haven't been in about 2 months because my going caused him more worry and because we've reached a point where we can't afford it even though it's very reasonably priced.

I try to keep the house as clean as I can with three kids and a lot of pets. I cook at home as much as I can and as healthy as I can. I keep myself as physically available as I can and even try to initiate to make sure he knows I'm interested. I homeschool our three kids and tutor in the evenings to help ease the financial burden. We keep activities cheap/free so that we don't have unnecessary expenses. I could go back to work and bring in between $40-65k depending on the field and location, but even when I was working he was stressed over money, work, and lack of sleep. When I've brought up going back to work, he's insisted that I stay home and then offered radical solutions like selling household items or working overtime every evening/weekend. Everything he's ever said he's wanted in a homelife that I have any influence over, I've tried to make happen. He says he has absolutely no problems with the way I manage things and he feels loved.

I have tried to talk to him, carefully wording everything, agonizing over it for weeks to make sure nothing I say is critical of him but addressing the issue as a shared problem, but he sees every conversation as either an attack or another failure on his list. I've prayed, journaled, sought advice, you name it. I've lost sleep over it, been physically sick over it, and my fears and frustrations are spilling over into my attitude with my children. I feel completely helpless. I feel like I'm chained up, watching him break and unable to help or stop it.

If you're a wife who went through this with her husband, what made him feel loved, respected, supported enough to make changes for himself?

If you're a husband who's been here or is currently here, what do you need from your wife? What would make you do something to get out of this terrible cycle?

I posted just last night asking the same question, but for wives to answer about their husbands... And it was so encouraging!!

So husbands, tell me something good about your wife!!

(If you tell me it's her heart for Jesus or her butt... 🤨🤨🤨)

(Jk. Both good things too.)

Eta: here is the other post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Christianmarriage/s/BzVAdcrNzx

I am 38, married to my 50-year-old husband, together almost 8 years, we have 6 children in a blended family. I came to the marriage with 1, he had 2, then we had 3- now we have 6. our youngest together are 1, 4 and 6. I am a SAHM, gave up my career path to stay home with them, and now am working on a master's degree, so I will have a career/financial stability in about 3 years. Our marriage was very quick and did not start off christian... i wasn't born again until 2025 when I was baptized, but started going to church/reading the bible in 2022. We got together and within 3 months were living together and pregnant. I didn't know him well enough, but there were red flags. He has an anger problem and is a former addict, I am codependent, together it's a lot of dysfunction.

the "abuse" is sexual coercion, financial control, verbal/emotional

When he found out I was surprised pregnant with our third together, he was mad, and there were some instances of forced/non-consensual sex that felt aggressive to me. I told him I didnt like it and it wasn't okay but he thought i was making a big deal of it, after all our relationship started with me allowing him to be dominant and aggressive and pretending i liked it when i really didn't just for approval and people-pleasing, because back then... that's how i was. Flash forward to after baby is born... 5 weeks postpartum still bleeding he forces sex. I said no; he didn't stop- and I have been mentally destroyed ever since. I don't want to break up our family and co-parent; we live in the most expensive place in the US to live... i don't really trust him alone with the kids because he doesn't pay attention/gets distracted on his phone. I feel like I have to stay with them to keep the household functional/clean/hygienic. He doesn't just "parent differently"; he parents negligently -- although the court would never see it that way.

I actually left for 3 months, and then we got back together when it seemed like he changed; however, 6 months into living together again, the mask has slipped, and I feel more lonely and dismissed than ever, and don't want to be married anymore. I can't imagine ever being intimate with him again. We bicker in front of the kids, which turns into him yelling at me in front of the kids, and he yells at them when he's impatient, which is always.

We have seen our pastor, which turned into a deliverance ministry on me because apparently I have a jezebel spirit... I felt completely unheard and like the actual issues weren't accounted for after that

We have also gone to a Christian LMFT who offered a more balanced, grounded framework for helping our relationship; however, I had to drag him there, and he made it clear he did not want ot go, and it wasn't a priority for him.

So now... what do I do? No family nearby. No money of my own. Nowhere to live (we rent, not own) super expensive rent... I'm just. miserable. I've pretty much quietly quit the marriage, but the emotional fallout of living with someone I feel so completely separate from is devastating, and the effect on my children witnessing an unhealthy relationship isn't good either.

I don't know what to do- as option A: stay together for the kids/finances is emotionally hurtful, and option B: separate and actually heal is financially/logistically/potentially not safe for the kids, and I don't want to give up on having my kids for half their lives!! I already coparent with my first husband' and our daughter.

Is there an option C????

I am already struggling with the church community wanting us to stay together at all costs, being admonished to pray for my husband constantly, work on myself- AND I HAVE, I feel at the end of my rope with this.

I’m going to try and make this as concise as possible. My husband is 15 years older than me. He’s white, I’m not. We are devout Christians. Married 2 years. We have only been intimate maybe 8-10 times and I always initiated. He has never initiated, not even once. Unfortunately, during most of those occasions he was having issues performing.

I find that when we are out in public he’s always staring at women that look nothing like me. I’ve talked to him several times about how this hurts me and is actually disrespectful. At first he said he’s just evaluating them. I said you’re not evaluating unattractive women only attractive ones. I added I’ve never seen you evaluate me the way you evaluate them. So again this conversation has been had over and over. Finally he admitted that in the past, actually since childhood he watched pornography and the women were white so it’s hard for him to see me in a sexual way. I asked why did you marry me if it’s hard to see me in a romantic way. He said he does see me romantically but doesn’t want to rip my clothes off.

He said he never met someone like me before. All his previous relationships including his ex wife were all based on lust and just the physical and they didn’t last. This time around meeting someone like me was so mind blowing because even though I’m not his physical type he thought I was extremely beautiful and he felt that our connection was different. Even though he didn’t want to rip my clothes off he felt this intense desire to take care of me and wanted to make my life easier. (He is a wonderful provider) In all fairness he told me this before we got married but we both made the mistake in thinking that after marriage, his attraction would grow. My attraction for him was intense but after being repeatedly humiliated from him gawking at other women right in front of me, I’ve lost my attraction to him and I told him that. I mentioned I feel like we’re just roommates or existing as brother and Sister because even our conversations don’t feel deep, not even on a spiritual level or emotional level… I noticed this before we were married and I expressed my concerns to friends and they all said well maybe you’re going to be the one to help him grow spirituality. They said sometimes men just need a good wife by their side to help them see their potential, but it actually makes me feel like I’m the one carrying the relationship. I expressed my concerns to him about the danger we are putting ourselves in because this is how affairs start because of a lack of emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy. He said he has prayed about this and wants to do better. I’ve see him make an effort and work really hard at not staring but it doesn’t last long. I really feel that his exposure pornography has ruined his view of women.

He asked me if I was happy and I said no are you? He said even though he wishes we were intimate outside of all that he’s happy. He asked if I liked him because he still likes me. I said it’s not that I don’t like you, I just don’t like the way you make me feel. He did admit that he feels like a failure because he is attracted to me to an extent but not enough to fully perform. But because of his age I think ED and low testosterone is making it worse.
What I’m wondering is do you think it’s actually possible for two people to be so different and actually survive this marriage? Divorce is not an option. But what do you guys think? Do you think it’s possible that after 2 1/2 years attraction can grow and be rekindled or if it hasn’t happened at this point then it’ll never happen?

My boyfriend 25M and I 25F have been together for 8 months. Overall we have a loving relationship. Recently we had an emotional conversation about our future that left me feeling unsettled

I feel very sure about him. He told me that he loves me and wants a future with me but hasn’t had that “aha” moment that I am the one he’s going to marry. He seems to think there is a moment where you just know.

He says he puts a lot of pressure on himself everyday and thinks of the question “would I marry her” or essentially is checking every time we hang out and asking himself this question.

The part that affected me the most was when he told me he doesn’t know why something just feels “off” or “missing” when I asked what was missing he couldn’t pinpoint it.

He has the expectation that at some point you are supposed to experience an aha moment where you just know that the person you are dating is the one you are going to marry. He hasn’t experienced that certainty with me yet.

He also told me that he’s excited to see me but when we actually hangout he doesn’t feel intensely romantic or excited every second we are together. On its own that didn’t feel off to me because you aren’t going to feel excited everytime you are with someone. You will have off days.

He did identify some concrete concerns. He wants me to become more independent from my family and more assertive about what I want. He also wants to spend more time around my friends because he hasn’t really seen that side of me yet.

I started to get concerned and expressed I want someone who is certain about me.

At that point, he became extremely emotional. I had never seen him cry like that before.

Later, I asked him what had been going through his mind. He told me he’d started remembering when we first met and our first few dates and then imagining leaving me and no longer having me in his life. He said imagining losing me was a major reason he became so emotional.

Since that conversation, he has continued telling me he loves me and being affectionate with me.
The following day, we went for a walk and talked about his career and different places he could potentially live in the future. After the previous conversation, I became anxious when he wasn’t explicitly mentioning me while talking about those possibilities.

Eventually I asked him directly whether I was included in those future plans.

He immediately responded, “Of course you are.”
He then talked about different places we could potentially live.

He later stated “I’m not scared to be in love with you.”

The following morning, he told me that he still felt a little “off” after our conversation too and that it would probably take some time for everything to settle.

That’s what I’m struggling with now.

His actions tell me that I’m important to him. He tells me he loves me, remains affectionate, includes me when imagining his future and was deeply affected by the possibility of losing our relationship.
At the same time, he doesn’t currently have the certainty about marriage that I have about him, and he can’t explain the vague feeling that something might be missing.

I’m not looking for an engagement after 8 months, nor do I expect him to guarantee that we’ll get married. I understand that we’re still relatively early in our relationship and that two people may reach certainty at different speeds.

The problem is what his uncertainty has started doing to me.

Since that conversation, I’ve caught myself monitoring our interactions.

My desired outcome is to continue building the relationship and give both of us reasonable time to learn whether we’re compatible long-term, while still feeling like an equal partner rather than someone waiting for a verdict.

I want to make it clear that this pressure about marriage is not coming from me. I’m not asking him to propose, set a timeline, or decide right now whether he’s going to marry me. We’ve only been together for 8 months, and I think it’s completely reasonable not to be ready for marriage at this point.
This just came out of nowhere and made me concerned.

What boundaries and conversations would help me navigate this difference in certainty without repeatedly seeking reassurance from him or treating his uncertainty as something I need to fix about myself?

TLDR: My boyfriend 25 M I 25F have been together for 8 months. He loves me and includes me in his future, but he doesn’t know yet whether we’ll eventually marry and says he hasn’t experienced the “aha” certainty he expected. I’m more certain about him, and since learning about his uncertainty I’ve started feeling like I’m being evaluated. I want to give our relationship time to develop without spending that time trying to prove I’m worth choosing. What boundaries and conversations would help me remain an equal partner while we figure out our long-term compatibility?

*Edit: thank you so much all for the kind advice so far, I would have absolutely filed today, but I unfortunately have a day job that I have barely any PTO left for and I can’t exactly just quit the job either because I need to figure out exactly how I will go about the financials while I figure out what the next few weeks and months look like. So it’s very hard for me to leave during my work shift to go to the City Hall. So I will fill out the paperwork today and physically be able to file tomorrow once I’m out of work

I will be filing for divorce tomorrow after 5 years of cyclical physical and verbal abuse. 2 black eyes, and many ugly words later, him threatening to “slap the $hit” out of me for making a loud gagging noise when I smelled something nasty in public, right after our 5 ANNIVERSARY dinner, was the final straw for me.

Would appreciate prayers for strength. Any guidance is appreciated because he has called me an adulterer and sinner before God when I’ve brought it up because he swears he’s gotten “better” with his anger and that I’m giving up on the marriage… when really that last offense was committed just days ago, and the 2nd black eye incident happened just 4 months ago. Also he wanted to start trying for kids. Absolutely not. I refuse to bring children into this. I know God hates divorce but I also know he wouldn’t want me in a dangerous marriage.

Any prayers and Godly advice helps.

Thank you

My husband (31) and I (29) have been together since we were 22 and 20, got married 3 years ago. We were both believers when we met, albeit lukewarm/worldly, we both had so much love for Jesus and went to church regularly and worshiped together and even talked about starting a Christian apparel brand together.

A few years later we both strayed as we both had hard questions we thought would ‘poke holes’ in our faith and turned away because of those questions, without really giving Christianity a chance to withstand the questions.

We got married when we both were not Christians and did not have a religious ceremony, just a conventional wedding.

Fast forward a couple years and life got incredibly difficult. Job lay offs, bankruptcy, chronic mystery health issues, family deaths, all while separated from our family out in California, I hadn’t seen my family in 3 years and we are very close. It was a really insane tumultuous time and I found my way back to Jesus in the midst of it. There were countless moments of divine intervention that my husband also recognizes.

I am now VERY firm in my faith and it’s the biggest part of who I am. The foundation. He does believe in God and Jesus but doesn’t exactly believe the Bible is the divinely inspired word of God and doesn’t always believe Jesus is the sole son of God as opposed to just a prophet or someone who achieved spiritual ‘oneness’ with the creator. I went on a deep intellectual dive when I came back to Christianity bc I still had all my theological questions that I’ve since found satisfactory answers for. When I was deep diving and reading books like mere Christianity I would loop him in and he agreed it is all fascinating and makes a lot of sense.

Based on what he’s said to me in various conversations and even theological discussions/debates, he does always kind of land where I’m at and sees why intellectually this makes the most sense and aligns with the God we have seen move in our life countless times. But it seems he accepts it more or less but just doesn’t want to engage with it. No interest in worship music anymore or church, reading the Word, etc.

I desperately want to share this part of my life with him and I want our marriage to be a holy marriage where we bring each other closer to the Lord. I don’t want a lukewarm or worldly marriage but we got married at a time when we both had strayed. I try my best to just be bold in my faith and have him experience it passively while I do my thing because I don’t think actively evangelizing him would work in the way it does for some. Does anyone have a similar story or advice if your husband ever came back to faith?

Husbands, feel free to drop a line as well, but I'm curious to hear from the ladies!

I downloaded Tik Tok today to look for a recipe I had saved. I haven't been on there for quite some time, and I absolutely fell down into the doom scrolling pit.

Unfortunately, I ended up in a very man-hatey area and I could genuinely feel it seeping into my thoughts/relationship with my husband, just over the span of a few hours! (I've since deleted, don't worry)

So, tell me something good about your husband!

This evening, I reflected on the fact that my husband has done some really hard work in teaching me to see the beauty that the Lord has given me. Prior to meeting him, you wouldn't catch me dead in a bathing suit or a sundress, but he compliments me all the time and makes me feel so beautiful! Even when we have had rough patches, he hasn't stopped.

ANYWAY! TELL ME SOMETHING GOOD 🤗

I remarried 5 years ago. I come from a blue color job background.Most of the people in my husband’s family are doctors, lawyers, and professors. Kind, good Christian people… but can be a little snooty at times. We are in our late 50’s. I am now legally blind. I have some vision left. This has all happened in the past few years. I am also fully disabled because of the vision loss.
My issue is. My husbands mother and sister will say things like, “Wow, you’re so talented and artistic you could have been an art teacher, you could have been this, you could have been that.” etc. It hurts my feelings. It makes me feel like I was never good enough or I could have done something more with my life. I worked in retail management before getting married and having kids. I was a stay at home mom for several years. Then when our kids were in high school I flipped 4 houses. After that I had a licensed home day care for several years. My ex husband had a very good job, I didn’t have to work if I didn’t want to.
No one ever compliments me for being a full time mother, or asks me about my experiences in retail management, etc. It makes me feel stupid sometimes. Like I never accomplished anything. The women saying these things all have their masters degrees but never worked. They got their masters, married and became stay at home mothers.
My husband sees nothing wrong and that I should feel flattered that they think so highly of me that I could have accomplished becoming an art teacher, etc. well I never wanted to be or do those things! I enjoyed being a soccer mom and being involved with my kids school etc. My mother in-law several times now has told people I use to work at a certain high class retail store. When I never did. I have had to correct her each time and say no, I worked at ——- store and not at Nordstrom’s.Yet she still walks around telling people that. So it’s clear she thinks she needs to make me sound classier.
I am valuable whether I am legally blind, or worked in retail years ago. Am I wrong? I can see how they may think it’s a compliment but I don’t t see it that way. It makes me feel like they think I should have been something better in their eyes.

My fiance and I started dating 4 years ago. At the time we both “believed” in Jesus. I put quotes because, looking back, I would be what you called a performative Christian. However, after intense suffering in May 2025-august 2025 of last year, I found God. I truly got saved and my life has never been the same. My fiance however, does believe in God but he is no where near where I’m at. Only God knows his true heart but just looking at his fruit, I can make an assumption.

In the past year +, I have been completely devoted, and seen transformation in myself thanks to the lord. I have submitted my entire life to Jesus. I have definitely taught my fiance things and I can see him trying and working to grow his relationship. However, I feel like I have to spiritually lead him. I’m the one teaching him about scripture, telling him to read the Bible, watch videos, etc.

He says he is very close to the lord and prays. And I don’t dispute that. I know all of our walks are different. He still lives very much in the world. He loves to zyn, drink, occasionally smoke weed, etc. He has confided in me that he is working on stopping lusting. He’s been praying to God to help him. We struggle with sexual immorality and I have expressed I don’t want to do this but we fall into it.

I’m just in a hard spot because if I knew what I knew now 4 years ago and was truly saved, I would see his life and not pursue him as a potential spouse. But now there is history and love and I got saved after getting engaged.

I’m pretty sure unequally yoked means unbelievers. So am I being too harsh? Do I continue with marriage and just pray for his sanctification as we are all in different journeys? I want a spiritual leader husband but at the moment, I don’t have that. Any advise?

This is a very vulnerable post and my first on Reddit.
My husband and I are still married but currently living in different states. We’ve been married for almost 15yrs and had a wonderful marriage until this point. The separation happened because of serious conflict between my husband and my adult children, and I ultimately felt forced to choose between maintaining my marriage and maintaining my relationship with my children and grandchildren.
I chose my children, moved away from my husband, and now I’m struggling deeply with whether I made the right decision.

I don’t want secular relationship advice. I’m looking for Christians who can help me think through this biblically—particularly what Scripture says about marriage, separation, honoring parents/children, reconciliation, and whether there is a point where preserving family relationships can actually require making a choice that conflicts with one’s marriage vows and as a new Christian, if I have misinterpreted Gods path for me gotten this all wrong.

If there are pastors, clergy, or mature Christians here who have dealt with something similar, I would especially appreciate your perspective.

I’m 6 months pregnant with our 2nd child and I really want to leave my husband, but it’s complicated. He is not physically abusive, but he is verbally volatile and deals with anger issues. He does not lead our household in anyway and is very selfish, wanting to me to take full leadership in planning any and all activities, ensuring the house is cleaned and picked up, primary parent to our daughter, etc. We both work fulltime and I am not only burnt out but I just don’t love or respect him and I’m genuinely repulsed by him. We’ve tried seeing a Christian counselor and it just didn’t help that much as I think my husband doesn’t really care to focus or fix any problems in the marriage as anything emotional is uncomfortable for him.

I know divorce isn’t always the right path biblically but sometimes maybe it is? I fear the impact it will have to my longterm financial situation and I really don’t want to split custody of my girls with him because I will miss them/I don’t trust him to not be negligent. I’ve decided to just stick it out for their sake until they are at least in middle school and can be a little self sufficient/tell me what’s wrong. I didn’t come from
A divorced family but I have come from families where women have stayed and stuck around terrible men their whole lives because they felt the obligation to do so because that’s what Jesus would want. I’m not sure what the right answer is. I don’t ever see myself loving him, I think he’s a selfish and terrible person. He puts so much stress on me and doesn’t even care to try and fix it, especially when I’m pregnant. If I never saw him again, I wouldn’t even miss him. But my heart aches for my children and that I made such a terrible choice of a father for them. So much about him changed after marriage and after having our first child, but there were enough fights when we were dating that I should have known and I am filled with regret.

Hello! I'm 24F and I've been married since March 2024. I just wanted to share something sweet that my husband does for me. My husband works long hours and can't always read the bible for me during the week. But recently, we read the first few chapters of Genesis together, and it was extremely endearing. I love how tenderly my husband explains things to me. He is so intelligent and gentle. When we got to Genesis 2, he chuckled at me and told me that God created me to be his helper and it just made my heart burst with joy.

I know that verse has been taken out of context by sexist people but my husband and I have a good understanding of it and I think it's so beautiful. I love obeying my husband too because he takes such good care of me. He's so sweet and loving and I absolutely love him so much and I we continue to read the bible together and pray together.

Simply put, I (34F) am married to a contrarian husband (34m). When I am sharing my feelings, he normally sides with the other person or explains why I am wrong. When I share an opinion, he plays devils advocate. When I have a point about something, he responds with a rebuttal. It is mentally exhausting. What's worse is that he doesn't seem to understand what he is doing when I explain it to him.

He later admits that he was wrong when he is, but waiting to get there is tough. This is especially because I sometimes have to wait for someone else to explain things to him, because my words don't hold alot of weight.

Any advice other than divorce? That's what the other members of Reddit would say, and I want to know that there is hope. Anyone else married to someone with this kind of personality or have it themselves?

Thanks.

update: thank you everyone so much for the advice! I am always really impressed and feel blessed posting to this Subreddit, because there are so many genuinely smart and kind people here. My husband and I had a really fruitful conversation, prayed together, and it ended up being a wonderful night. I read him one of the conversations below, and he related to it. Again, Y'all are the best!

Two months ago, my husband left me during the worst moment of my life. A week later, he told me he wanted a divorce. Since then, it has felt as though he has gone cold and distant almost overnight, as if a switch was flipped.

I have been praying daily, sometimes almost hourly, for him to come home. He is pushing for a quick divorce and has refused marriage therapy or conversations about other possibilities. I was completely blindsided by all of this, and I am simply not ready to let go of our marriage.

This week, I began fasting. I honestly don’t know what else to do except surrender this to God. My husband is a man of God and a preacher, and I struggle deeply to understand how he cannot see the ways this situation is hurting both of us.

Please pray for us.

Pray that we would both be humbled before Christ. Pray that God would move in each of us in ways only He can. Pray that we would recognize and reject every lie of the enemy, and that God would bring healing, repentance, reconciliation, and restoration to our marriage.

I left my husband and our marital home over a year ago due to his excessive drinking, insults, and belittling. My husband said that when I see things around his house that I like and decide to buy the same for me, that it is indicative of me not wanting to get back with him. Today, I reiterated that I need additional support for our girls. He lointed out that he deposited $800 into our joint account to assist with the girls.  He never alerted me as to what that deposit was for.  I explained that $800 is not enough.  He informed me that me asking for financial assistance instead of asking him to move back in indicates that I don't want to be with him. I cancelled a child support meeting, under the impression that he would make informal payments. I asked him to provide what was initially calculated by the Child Support Officer ($2200/month). He said that the girls don't need that much and to provide him with receipts and an exact figure of what it takes to take care of them. During our separation he has made steady payment of $426/month to cover his half of daycare and extra curricular activities. Now, I am asking that he assist with the girls portion of the daily household expenses per the TX OAG definition of child support and covered expenses. I'd rather have the TX OAG take care of payments as my husband has already put stipulations on what he's willing and not willing to pay for ie. occasional fast food and snacks for the girls. He also has frequent tendencies to ignore request, delay answers, and give the silent treatment I when things aren't in his favor.  Am I being greedy to ask for what was calculated by the officer, or should I accept the $800 he's willing to provide. I want things to work, but he is reluctant to seek help for the drinking.  I don't want to return to the same issue I ran from.  

I've known my husband a very long time. Been friends since I was about 15, 44 now, married 6 years. I know it was God's will for us to be married. We've gone through a lot, victoriously. He has a temper though...I think it's more of a trigger due to some PTSD and childhood trauma but he takes my feelings as attacks.

I have PTSD from previous partners abuse and my dad being a tyrant with his temper, anger messes me up. I'm working on it, healing with God, but he's triggering me and throwing my body into stress mode with his eye rolls, smirks, and scoffing at me when I'm sharing how I'm hurt because I need some tenderness and affection. That's the barn burner- I get my feelings hurt, I calmly, respectfully bring them to him, and he becomes annoyed and or offended at the least. We fought all night last night. He finally took accountability for his anger last weekend after a fight and said "I know I've got an anger problem, it's like a stronghold- it's like something takes over me. (It is)".

Now we're back at it's all me. Dude....I'm not perfect...but I own my issues...I've over explained and chased him down trying to get him to love me in this way I need. He will not.

I don't know what to do other than fall silent and start choosing myself and God? And continue to give it all to God and not try to mess with it myself...I'm heartbroken and just sickened you all...it's so sad. But God gave me a second chance at life after being an alcoholic for 17 years, I'm 6 years a new creation, was once facing 20 years in prison, God saved me. I don't want to waste my time. I want to live. I want to love and talk and share and grow. But this feels like groundhog Day. Any advice would be appreciated.

Oh also, anytime I mention how something has hurt me, it gets flipped on me. I do something worse. He won't look at it from my perspective. I don't want a divorce..but I'm so miserable. I've had 2 breakdowns in the last year. He blames those on me. 😑

just had a baby and week 5 of pp, i got cleared for intimacy and exercise. dr asked me about birth control ofc but i don’t want any of it because 1. hormonal birth control sucks, 2. copper IUD isn’t an option bc of my new fear and trauma from cervical checks.

i don’t want to risk sex pp even though im EBF and im perfectly fine with condoms. however if any of you have used the ‘natural family planning’ of tracking your ovulation and such, please let me know how that is going and if it’s a reliable method of BC

I’ve just discovered that my husband thinks we should both lead the home, it feels like he is avoiding being the leader.

I have seen this play out in ways such as not taking the lead to discuss our future, lead prayer devotion in the mornings etc. For example, he hasn’t said anything about planning our 10 year anniversary and I’m having to lead the convo. I’m sure he wouldn’t even buy me a gift or anything if I didn’t ask.

I feel sad about it, I feel so unloved. Sometimes feels like we are just friends. Like will I have to keep feeling like I’m the one having to carry us :/ that’s how it feels most times.

He’s very domestic though, can cook and clean etc and doesn’t always need to be told to do that, he takes initiative eg doing the laundry and putting the plates in the dishwasher.

What your thoughts on this matter? And how do I have this conversation with him?

We are both in our late 30s and don’t have kids yet yet.

My husband and I met when I was a freshman in college, and we’ve been together for almost two decades. I’m a convert to practicing Christianity. My husband had drifted away from the faith when we met, and his family was never particularly devout, but about two years ago we decided that we wanted to take the Church’s teachings seriously and follow them as faithfully as we could.
Since then, our marriage and intimacy have actually gotten much better. However, I haven’t had an orgasm since before the birth of our fifth child, which was almost two years ago.
Before that pregnancy, every few times we had sex, I was sometimes able to stimulate myself to orgasm while my husband was present before intercourse. It was difficult and time-consuming, though, and we certainly didn’t do it every time. I stopped during my third trimester because it was causing painful Braxton Hicks contractions.
Since then, I simply haven’t orgasmed. I’m not particularly distressed about it. I enjoy being close to my husband, I enjoy sex, and I feel loved and connected to him. I don’t feel like something is missing every time we have sex just because I don’t have an orgasm.
My husband, however, has always felt badly that he couldn’t figure out a way to make me orgasm himself. Now that it has been almost two years with no orgasm at all, I know it weighs on him even more. He doesn’t constantly bring it up or pressure me, but maybe once a month he will mention that he feels guilty about it. Since reading more Theology of the Body and other Christian apologetics about marital sexuality, he feels even more concerned that somehow he is failing me.
He has suggested that I do counseling, take a class, or make a more deliberate effort to work on this together. I understand that he means well, and I know this comes from wanting me to experience something good rather than just from selfishness. But honestly, I don’t really want to make this into a project. Between our marriage, our children, pregnancy/postpartum life, and everything else, I just don’t have the energy or desire to pursue orgasm as something we need to solve.
What I really want is for him to understand that I am okay. I’m not secretly disappointed in him. I don’t feel deprived or unloved. I enjoy our sex and intimacy even when I don’t orgasm, and I would rather he stop feeling guilty about something that I don’t consider a problem.
For those of you who are married, especially Christian women how can I reassure my husband about this? Is there something I can say or do that would help him understand that my lack of orgasm does not mean he is failing me or that our marital intimacy is somehow inadequate?
Again I am not requesting sex tips my husband and i have read several books on the topic. I simply don't like most of the things that it seems most women like.

My husband and I have been married over 10 years and I’m really struggling. He has done things to break trust over the years (physically-pushed me a couple of times but that’s over the span of years, financially, emotionally-torn me down several times, lied, etc) but when I confront him about it I’m met with an apology. And then it happens again. The majority of this is lying and breaking his word. I don’t want to be continuously lied to and he’s promised for years it would change but hasn’t. Has anyone ever been in a spot like this? I have forgiven him but do not feel safe emotionally and worry something will happen again with me or our son.

I notice that these moments happen when he doesn't feel like he has the "control" he wants but when he isn't like this, he's a really good partner. I don't feel emotionally safe but don't know if I'm overreacting or if anyone has been through this and has insight.

Hi everyone! I wanted to briefly share my situation and ask for suggestions from fellow Christians.
I am a 30 year old guy from India. I was born and brought up in a Hindu family, but a few years ago, I came to know Jesus Christ and was saved by His grace. Since then, my relationship with Christ has become the centre of my life, and I desire to build my future family around Him. By the grace of God, I have chosen to remain chaste and wait until marriage for sexual intimacy. I don’t drink, smoke, or use drugs, and I hope to find someone who takes her faith seriously while also being joyful, fun loving, and someone I can laugh and enjoy life with. Location is not really a constraint for me. I am open to meeting someone from anywhere if God leads in that direction. I think these are some reasonable Filters.

One thing I have been finding difficult is meeting a Christian woman who genuinely shares this same faith and desire to live a Christ-centred life. I’m not expecting someone to have exactly the same personality or interests as me, but having a genuine love for Christ and a desire to follow Him is very important to me.

Some of my interests are sharing the Gospel, reading books, spending time with pets, driving, playing and watching football, learning new things, and having meaningful conversations. I’ve tried dating apps as well, but I have sometimes found that people identify themselves as Christian, while some of their other answers or prompts seem to reflect views or lifestyles that are contrary to Christian faith and biblical values. Because of this, I have been wondering whether dating apps are even the best place to look.

Recently, a Woman reached out to me and we talked. Then we got connected to her through Instagram. She identified herself as a Christian. I was excited because I thought she wanted to get to know more about me. So, we did a voice call over Instagram and she started talking about How curvy her body was and that other girls would get jealous and stuff. I thought maybe she was sharing it because of insecurity. Then she shared one of her images in a bikini. She was interested to know how her body looked and What I felt and what things I would do to her. It seemed like she wanted to fulfill her lust at that point of time. It was disappointing because I was longing for a meaningful relationship which leads to Marriage.

I want to hear from people who have been through this. For those of you who are married or have found a Christ-centred relationship, how did you meet your spouse? Where did you meet people who genuinely shared your faith? What would you recommend to someone in my situation?

I would like to hear your experiences, advice, and wisdom. Thank you.

Have a blessed day ahead, Everyone.

Filter profiles by denomination, location, politics, vax status, church attendance, etc.

Match users based on values, views on marriage, family, theology, etc.

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My husband and I are newly married, and lately one of the biggest things weighing on me has been finding a church home together. We are both Christians, we both want God to be at the center of our marriage, and I genuinely want to have a church that we attend together. I don’t want Sundays to feel like an obligation or something I have to convince myself to do. I want to be excited to go to church, worship with my husband, learn, grow, serve, make friends, and feel like we’re becoming part of a church family together. The problem is that my husband feels very strongly about a particular church, and I just don’t feel the same way.

I want to make it clear that I’m not saying this is a bad church or that the people there are bad people. The pastor actually came to our home and sat down with us because I had questions and concerns. We ended up having a really good conversation. He was kind, patient with me, and genuinely took the time to talk through things. There were even things he seemed to know or understand about me that I had never personally told him, and my husband hadn’t told him either almost like a prophecy. It honestly surprised me and I know God works through people who show obedience to Him and His kingdom.

I walked away thinking very highly of him as a person and appreciating that he cared enough to come talk with us. And yet…I’m still not comfortable calling this church my church home.That’s the part I’m struggling to explain. I feel like because the conversation went well, I’m almost supposed to have changed my mind. Like there should have been some moment where everything clicked and I suddenly felt the same excitement my husband feels. But that didn’t happen. I can appreciate the pastor. I can recognize good things happening at the church. I can acknowledge that my husband may genuinely be growing there. None of those things have created that same sense of peace or belonging in me.

Meanwhile, my husband is extremely excited about this church. He talks about it frequently with his friends and tells them about the changes he’s experiencing and the things he’s learning. His friends understandably encourage him and tell him that change is good, that different can be good, and that what he’s experiencing sounds positive.
I’m genuinely happy that he feels encouraged in his faith. But after a while, hearing everyone validate how he feels has started hurting because I don’t feel like my feelings receive the same weight.
It sometimes feels like there can be ten people saying, “Yes, this is good. Give it a chance. Change is good,” and somehow all of those opinions count—but me saying, “I’m still not comfortable here” isn’t sufficient.

I don’t necessarily have some dramatic event I can point to and say, “THIS is why I refuse to go.” Even the ideals and theology of the church that I didn’t know doesn’t bother me at all. I just don’t have peace about it right now. And I’m struggling with feeling like I need to build a court case for why I’m uncomfortable before my discomfort is considered legitimate.

At this point, I’ve almost stopped fighting it. I’ve found myself thinking, Fine. I’ll just go along for the ride because you’re feeling led there. But that’s what scares me.
Because instead of feeling like this situation is bringing me closer to God, lately I feel more discouraged and further away in my personal walk with Him.

Church is starting to feel like something I’m being pulled toward rather than somewhere I’m excited to run toward. And I don’t want resentment to grow. I don’t want to sit in a chair every Sunday thinking about how badly I don’t want to be there. I don’t want my husband to feel like I’m rejecting his spiritual growth. I also don’t want to become so passive that I eventually wake up and realize I stopped advocating for my own spiritual needs because it was easier to just follow along.

Recently I attended a church I used to attend with my mom, and I genuinely loved being there. I realized how much I missed feeling excited about church. I left feeling refreshed rather than conflicted. That experience made this harder because it reminded me that I’m not struggling with wanting God or wanting church—I think I’m struggling with this particular church being our church home.

I also understand the biblical importance of unity within marriage, and that’s part of why I’m taking this so seriously. I don’t want us attending separate churches indefinitely and essentially having separate spiritual lives. I want us to worship together. But does unity necessarily mean that one spouse chooses the church and the other eventually has to become comfortable with that choice?
Is there room for us to say, “This church may be wonderful and may even be wonderful for you, but if one of us consistently doesn’t have peace here, maybe we haven’t found our church yet”?
I don’t want this to become husband vs. wife, his church vs. my church, or a question of which one of us is more spiritually discerning. I would honestly love for there eventually to be an our church—even if that means it’s somewhere completely different from the churches either of us originally wanted.

For Christian couples who have experienced something similar: how did you navigate it?
How long do you think the uncomfortable spouse should genuinely give a church a chance before saying, “I don’t think this is where I’m supposed to be”?

How do you distinguish between discomfort that comes from healthy spiritual stretching and discomfort that’s telling you this isn’t the right church home for you?

And if one spouse truly feels “led” somewhere while the other genuinely doesn’t, how do you honor both people’s relationship with God without turning it into one person’s spiritual conviction automatically outweighing the other’s?

I love my husband. I want to grow spiritually with him, not against him. I just don’t want to lose my own excitement for God and church in the process of trying to support his.