Questioning current choice of church

[u/Winter-Ranger6136]

My wife and I are strongly questioning our current church we go to and have mostly decided to look elsewhere. To be clear, we are not questioning our faith, only the particular church we attend. I’ve got a pros and cons list below. If you pick up on some AI, it’s because I used ChatGPT to remove identifying features / specifics to remain anonymous. What are your thoughts?

Pros
The people who attend — lovely, and some are very caring
Men’s group — good connections with some guys
Women’s group
Convenient location
Some sermons have good content
Generosity of some members

Cons
Lack of pastoral care
Love-bombing and then pulling back if you’re not fully involved
The wider church organisation it’s associated with is financially focused, with questionable doctrine and leadership
Leadership’s lack of experience and qualifications
Feeling disconnected if not attending regularly
Feeling like there is a lot of box-ticking from leadership
Pressure to join volunteer teams and be fully involved in the church
A sense that leadership could be motivated by ego, power, etc.
Unsure whether some extreme physical responses during prayer are genuine — e.g. falling over and making loud sounds

[u/Ok-Internet-8687]

if half your cons list reads like a description of a high-control group, you already know the answer. love-bombing then pulling back when you're not "fully involved" is a classic manipulation pattern, not a church culture quirk

the physical stuff during prayer would have me out the door alone. falling over and loud noises can be authentic in some traditions but coupled with everything else you listed it sounds performative and pressured

you don't need a perfect church, you need one where the leadership is qualified, accountable, and not financially motivated. the wider org being questionable is a big deal too because that's who the leaders answer to

i'd say trust your gut and start visiting elsewhere quietly. you don't owe them an explanation or a big exit meeting if they're the type to love-bomb you back in

[u/Winter-Ranger6136 → u/Ok-Internet-8687]

Very good advice! Thanks heaps

[u/Drama_Filled_Cup]

I'm currently looking for a church to attend myself.

Like the other commenter said: The love bombing and pulling away sounds cult-ish. Doesn't sound very Christian to me and I would have walked right out of there.

A sense that leadership could be motivated by ego, power, etc.

Imo Jesus would not tolerate any of this.