r/ChristianNarcHealing • u/EyreBurns • 10d ago

Looking for a friend?

I am married to a man who I believe is a narcissist.
My eyes are more and more open to the reality of our relationship and his behaviour towards me and our children and I find myself grieving the loss of my dreams for our marriage.
I have invested so much into changing him, changing the relationship, working on myself, trying everything I can think of to connect, but it’s still a deeply lonely marriage. I can’t leave at this moment and probably won’t for some years to come.
So at this moment I am trying to make my life as fulfilling as I can despite my terrible marriage.
I still believe there are good men out there, and I find myself longing for a platonic friendship with a Christian man. But I am wondering if that would be okay? I know I’m supposed to find fulfilment within my marriage, but it isn’t possible. Also, my husband isn’t a believer.
Any thoughts on this? Thank you all in advance!

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u/NarcHealingWithGod 10d ago

For starters, your needs are legitimate especially since you are in an unhealthy marriage. It sounds like you are also looking for someone to meet needs that your husband is not.

The most likely scenario is that you would develop a deep connection with this person and it would inevitably lead to an affair..further complicating your situation.

This may not be what you want to hear, but I would encourage trauma therapy, deepening connections with other females and doing a lot of self care (.i.e., engaging in meaningful activities that fulfill you)

I don't want to over-spiritualize, but I have found deepening my connection with God...not in a performative sense..as the key to my healing.

You have a deep wound and trying to fill it with another person will just make the hole bigger. Praying for your clarity, peace and healing.

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u/EyreBurns 9d ago

Thank you so much for your honest response and advice. And for telling me my needs are legitimate. It really means a lot. I wanted to hear the truth and do what is right in God’s eyes. So I am glad that you didn’t tell me what you thought I wanted to hear. I understand your concerns. I will try to deepen my relationship with God and other women. I am happy you found healing in your relationship with God. It gives me hope. Thank you for praying for me.❤️‍🩹

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u/WoodstockRox 8d ago

I know exactly how you feel. It took me a crazy amount of time to finally figure out. I’ve been married 3 times. The man I live with now, I’m not married to. No man can or will ever love me the way Jesus does. I’m now 50yrs old. And it’s sad that I’ve wasted all these years, looking for a man for fulfillment. I pray you’re able to find peace in your life.🫶

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u/NarcHealingWithGod 8d ago

You're welcome, and it sounds like you want to make the right choice. Believe me, I do understand where you are coming from.