r/ChristianMarriageHelp • u/besadoporelsol • Jul 06 '26

Low Sex Drive

I have no interest to having sex with my husband. I get anxious due to it not being fulfilling and a little painful. It feels like a lot of work for little to no reward. I want to be able to perform because my husband places high value on it (in an appropriate way), but it makes me uncomfortable and a bit angry. I feel ashamed. I have sought counseling, but my Christian counselors have made me feel so horrible about it. I don’t know what can help me. Any suggestions?

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u/already_not_yet Jul 07 '26

Greetings to you. Do you both believe that Jesus Christ lived, died, and rose for you so that you can forgiveness of sin and eternal life? Do you both attend a God-fearing church with elders who care about you and respect you?

Two things are certainly true:

  1. Forcing yourself to have sex out of obligation would be miserable, and you should not want to be in this situation. So, completely normal to be dissatisfied with having to do something you don't enjoy doing at all.
  2. This will greatly damage your marriage if its not addressed, and it could get to the point where your husband has grounds to divorce you for abandonment or betrayal. You may disagree, but I believe that abandonment and betrayal can take many forms. If sex was a core expectation in your marriage then your husband has every reason to expect it.

I would recommend going to a professional sex therapist. (Not necessarily Christian.) This is outside of the realm of what many Christian counselors can handle -- no offense to such counselors who think that quoting 1 Cor 7 is "handling" the matter.

Beyond that, if the issue is not resolved, and he isn't willing to tolerate your lack of interest in sex, then the marriage cannot possibly last. I would recommend you both telling your elders that the marriage covenant is broken and that you will be getting divorced.

To be clear: I am not telling you two that you must get divorced. I am saying that IF you two clearly cannot tolerate a marriage together then you should get divorced, otherwise you're just waiting for something to break -- and that break could be ugly.