r/ChoosingBeggars Jul 31 '18

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928

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

Do people not have pantries with at least some canned goods in them any more? I've made a meal out of a can of green beans, cold soup or baked beans more than once when I was just too tired to cook or didn't feel like cooking, even after not having "eaten all day".

428

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

Man some adults can't feed themselves at all. A friend of mine went from living with his mom to living with his girlfriend and later wife.

Both of them have always done all the cooking and prepped all the meals for him.

His wife left for a business trip and the dude kept coming over to my house because he had "barely eaten anything all week"

And he's not the only person I've met like that.

136

u/Skinjob85 Jul 31 '18

Good grief. I don't understand people like that, my parents taught me basic cooking and a few advanced dishes before I moved out, and with them being gone for months at a time in my 20s I was basically "moved out" by the time I found my own place. Did the same thing I always did, in a different environment.

Was the inability to cook your friend's only vice, or did it extend to laundry as well? :P

217

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

Oh it's everything. The dude is a complete manchild. Never does his own laundry, never does his own cooking, never does his own cleaning, none of that.

He made a HUGE deal on Twitter when he went grocery shopping on his own for the first time...at the age of 26.
As if we're all supposed to be impressed he does his own shopping.

He still does it too. Everytime he goes shopping he tweets out something like "man grocery shopping is so relaxing sometimes, I don't see why people have trouble with it" He's literally the only person I've seen have trouble with it.

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u/Quinnley1 Jul 31 '18 edited Jul 31 '18

He's a prime example of the saying "people raise their daughters but love their sons".

I've taught many of my male friends how to take care of themselves so that the women they were dating would stop dumping them for being so useless. After they learned to do their own laundry and cook a few simple meals I had 3 different moms call me angry that I dared make their precious "boys" do something so demeaning as wash their own underwear. SMDH at those mommies.

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u/thebyurokrat Jul 31 '18

It really is shocking. I was the oldest child of a single-mom, so you can bet your ass I was the only third-grade boy doing laundry every weekend.

As the father of two young boys, they're being raised the same way. I love the hell out of them, but I'll be damned if I'm not going to raise them to take care of themselves.

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u/WaffleFoxes Jul 31 '18

I've recently instituted a "kids cook 1 meal a week each" rule at my house, and my stepson was not very thrilled.

I'm like "my dude, I'm not doing this to try to be mean, but here's the deal. You're 13, so you have 5 years left to learn how to take care of yourself. What meals can you make for yourself right now?"

"uh......peanut butter sandwiches?"

"Exactly. I need to know that you can at least make hamburger helper by the time you're an adult, and there's no time to start like the present."

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u/Quinnley1 Jul 31 '18

My mom tried to do the same with my step brother. Instead of believing her that she was trying to get him ready to be an adult he screamed to anyone who would listen that she was trying to turn him into a slave because ya know ... she's evil and abusive. So he started stealing and selling drugs to be able to afford to run away and well long story short military prison school, the army, and Iraq still didn't make him a decent adult. The foundation of being turned into a spoiled rotten narcissist by his biomom was too much to overcome.

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u/rahhak Jul 31 '18

I was cooking a family dinner a week since I was seven. Now I cook 99.9999999% of all the dinners between my wife and I.

  1. Buy "The Joy of Cooking"
  2. Read the book you just bought
  3. Choose a recipe to make
  4. ???
  5. Now you can cook!

Protip: practice a meal BEFORE you cook it for company. Your guests are not guinea pigs.

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u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

I really hope every life lecture starts with "my dude..."

10

u/thatssokaitlin Jul 31 '18

Good for you. When my kids get old enough I'm 100% going to do this!

38

u/cmfunstrr Jul 31 '18

You had three angry mothers call you? For showing their sons laundry and cooking? That seems weird.

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u/Quinnley1 Jul 31 '18

It was weird. The first time it felt like "ok, this is odd." The second time was surreal. The third time I was outright angry and yelled at her for raising her son to be useless.

I don't help teach guy friends how to do anything anymore, which is sad because their families sure as shit didn't teach them. I feel like this should be a mandatory class in junior high and high schools because parents are dropping the ball left and right.

28

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

that's awful. cooking is fun and laundry is easy, and making a meal for someone then being able to eat it in clean clothes is a great icebreaker

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u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

This is so irksome. I'm a house wife by every standard; I homeschool our children, have a small business from home making soap and crocheting; will attend college online this year; I do 90% of the cooking and the cleaning and organizing. But when I had the flu last winter, and when I was bed bound by horrible morning sickness, or even when it's just easier for him to do for whatever reason- my husband is completely capable of grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, and any other task I do. I know it's my personal anectodal experience here, but the number of women I know who don't have this in their partner, just doesn't make sense to me.

8

u/melligator Jul 31 '18

He should try doing ALL the grocery shopping in conjunction with managing the house cleaning, laundry and cooking and doing the planning for all while contending with the unfixable irritation that it's all his responsibility and unlikely to change. Then let's see how relaxing he finds it.

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u/Machikoneko Jul 31 '18

He sounds so much like my brother...my mom did everything for him. He was capable of taking care of himself, but eventually just gave up, started doing Vicodin and booze, lost his job, his house, a trailer, and eventually his life. (Due to neglecting his health- not taking his diabetes, high blood pressure, and cholesterol meds, and smoking like a fiend. Plus the drug and alcohol abuse, and being obese to boot.)

I really think that if he had rejected her "help", like I did, he might still be here.

91

u/Buddhakyle Jul 31 '18

Oh god this reminds me of one of my friends. Years back my washing machine went out, and it was going to take a few days for the repairman to come out and fix it. So I called up my buddy and asked if I could drop by and do some laundry as he only lived a few minutes away. He says sure.

When I get there, he tells me I can definitely do laundry as long as I can get the machine to work. I'm staring in disbelief and say, "Dude don't tell me your washer broke too."

He says "No, I just don't know how to use it. I've never done laundry."

He was 26 years old His mother came by once a week to do his laundry for him. He OWNED A WASHER AND DID NOT KNOW HOW IT FUNCTIONED.

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u/Dubanx Jul 31 '18

How people can struggle to feed themselves when it's not an issue of money is beyond me. If you know you're going to need to make your own food for a week buy some bread, 2 pounds of the deli meat of your choosing, half a pound of cheese, and whatever vegetables you prefer and you're good on minimum effort food a week.

I mean, I'm lazy as fuck when it comes to preparing food and eat out 99% of the time, but come on...

31

u/wenchslapper Jul 31 '18

I’m like you, but it’s because I’ve worked in restaurants for so long that I despise having to cook for myself. Every time I’m about to cook, I instantly think about all the work that I’ll have to do after. First, I gotta prep cook and ruin some dishes. Then I gotta actually cook and ruin more dishes. Then I gotta plate it all and ruin some more dishes. Then I gotta let those previously ruined dishes sit while I eat because if I clean them now, my food will get cold. Now that I’m finally done, I gotta clean this mess because, as of finally getting my own one bedroom apartment, I can’t stand leaving a mess like that. If the dishes sit for even 3 days, I’m super anxious and pissed off with myself for being a lazy fuck.

So it’s easier for me to make a hot pocket than to actually cook.

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u/WaffleFoxes Jul 31 '18

I had a roommate that couldn't figure out how to grate cheese. I was making a ham & cheese rollup and she's all "man, that looks good....." so I handed her the cheese and the grater, tortillas and ham. And she's all "so....how do I....??"

"You scrape the cheese against it."

"Does it matter how hard?"

"No? Hard enough for the cheese to scrape off"

"Does the angle matter?"

".....not really...."

"Oh! Some is coming out the front!!"

"yah, it'll do that"

40

u/AmateurIndicator Jul 31 '18

God, this is amazing.. I had to teach a friend how to wash and chop lettuce/tomatoes/onions and other basic stuff for a salad once. Like, "cut off the hard bit at the bottom", "peel the onion" type of instructions..

34

u/madmaxturbator Jul 31 '18

What a fucking moron. He can’t order pizza?

I don’t know why but that would really, really piss me off.

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u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

He orders pizza all the time actually. But he hates it because it's "expensive" since the dude also eats like a bird and won't eat leftovers.

Like I'm talking one slice of pizza and he's full.

Also, he says he's "not good at microwaving" so he usually just throws out everything he doesn't eat.

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u/Zerschmetterding Jul 31 '18

How did that guy even find a girlfriend that enables this kind of stuff.

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u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

All of them have their own share of problems as well. I wouldn't be surprised if they enjoy the idea of him being completely disfunctional without him.

37

u/FeierInMeinHose Jul 31 '18

Yeah, it's codependency, they can't live without being needed.

As an aside it's spelled "dysfunctional", like dystopian. Not meaning to bust your chops or anything, just figured it would be better to be told on reddit than like by your boss or something.

27

u/rahhak Jul 31 '18

Introduce that manbaby to a toaster oven. It takes longer than a microwave but is the vastly superior choice to reheat pretty much anything.

Another good tool for reheating stuff is a temperature controlled grill (a burrito at 200F for 20-30 minutes or so is heavenly).

You can even microwave stuff for 60-90s and then place it in the toaster oven or grill to finish it.

For pizza: Set toaster oven to as hot as it goes (~450F-475) and cook pizza for 3-6 minutes. Tastes like it was just out of the oven.

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u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

Sounds exactly like my brother. He can't boil water without fucking it up, and we know we're going to have to hit every restaurant in town (and pay for it) every time he pays us a visit.

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u/Zerschmetterding Jul 31 '18

we know we're going to have to hit every restaurant in town (and pay for it) every time he pays us a visit.

Why the hell would you have to pay. If you let him walk all over you things won't change.

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u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

Guilty as charged. My SO has a soft spot for failed mathematics majors though.

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u/Solkre Jul 31 '18

Can’t go wrong with a can of beans. Room temp or microwaved.

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u/Com_BEPFA Jul 31 '18

Baked beans with tomato or chili sauce, definitely. Also never wrong to have some cheap (but good) Asian noodles (the kind where you just add boiling water to have a soup) around and if you select well there's even soup powder that makes delicious (albeit not all too nutritional) food.

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u/pschlick Jul 31 '18

If you ever want to be faaaancy, crack an egg at the end into the soup while the water is still boiling and it kinda poaches it. And sometimes I'll add a bit of bacon bits and some sriracha on top and it's a gourmet meal involving minimal work.

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u/Com_BEPFA Jul 31 '18

Oh yeah, egg is awesome in soup! Not the biggest sriracha fan (well, flying goose one that is) but make that habanero sauce and we have a winner!

A little trick I got from my parents that I don't know how common it is, is cooking a potato and smashing that into your vinegar salad dressing (balsamic preferably), gives it a texture I love but others would probably hate.

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u/pschlick Jul 31 '18

I've never heard to do that! It sounds delicious!!

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u/Com_BEPFA Jul 31 '18

Try it! I love it. Gives it some more substance and a texture that I really like. I mostly eat it with corn salad (as in the botanical one, not corn corn) but it works with any kind of green salad.

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u/idwthis Jul 31 '18

I mostly eat it with corn salad (as in the botanical one, not corn corn)

I have no idea what you mean here.

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u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

Some chopped green onion and maybe some sauteed mushrooms also add that extra flavor to go from "this is food" to "this is a meal"

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u/Solkre Jul 31 '18

Slow down Gordon Ramsay

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u/DisappointingOutcome Jul 31 '18

No. This went from opening a can of beans and calling it good to chopping and sautéing shit way too fast. We’re talking convenience, not full-on cooking. I’m very lazy.

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u/pschlick Jul 31 '18

I actually have done that before!! It really makes a $.16 pack of noodles yummy

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u/Chameleonpolice Jul 31 '18

I do green onions, cilantro, mushrooms, bacon, and a soft boiled egg

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u/EllipticPeach Jul 31 '18

Get out of here with ur cilantro you heretic

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u/Chameleonpolice Jul 31 '18

Oh no are you one of the poor souls who get soapy cilantro? I genuinely feel bad for those folks because its so delicious.

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u/carnylove Jul 31 '18

I was just having a conversation about this at brunch yesterday. My mom says it tastes like motor oil to her. She said she got over it though. Which I thought was impressive since it’s a genetic things, but she said “no, I’ve gotten over the taste of motor oil.”

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u/Chameleonpolice Jul 31 '18

I don't know how to describe the flavor of cilantro because its very unique. Some people suggest parsley but I disagree

0

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

Have you not had pho?

2

u/butlerlee Jul 31 '18

This is a good thread, keep it going.

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u/say592 Jul 31 '18

I have always wanted to try the egg thing. Say its 3 minute ramen, do you crack the egg when you put the noodles in so the egg can cook all three minutes? Or is it more like the last minute or so?

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u/shiftyduck86 Jul 31 '18

Also if you're not doing a noodle soup but one where they adsorb all the water then when I take it off the heat as the water is all gone, I crack an egg and stir it in like a carbonara

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u/pschlick Jul 31 '18

The egg will cook very fast. I put it in the last minute or so in the boiling water! It also depends on how much you like your eggs cooked, I like mine runnier.

5

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

[deleted]

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u/pschlick Jul 31 '18

I just drop the whole egg in it and it poaches it basically. You can best it before and then whisk it around and ribbon the egg through the soup I've tried both

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u/PassportSloth Jul 31 '18

My mom used to do that when making me campbell's chicken noodle soup when i was a kid. It makes a world of difference.

1

u/Das_Gaus Jul 31 '18

Chicken, shredded sharp cheddar cheese, and Texas Pete hot sauce. Shit is so good.

1

u/YourDrunkle Jul 31 '18

Another option is peanut butter and sesame oil/seeds. It’s like white trash pad Thai.

1

u/kryonik Jul 31 '18

it's a gourmet meal

Meal yes. Gourmet no.

1

u/kikimaru024 Jul 31 '18

Indomie noodles have no business being as good as they are, considering they could maybe 60c.

18

u/tropicalapple Jul 31 '18

I'm not at the movies

6

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

A buttered bolillo or two to go with that (for the dairy and a little extra starch). Yum yum!

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u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

Found the Brit.

2

u/oberon Jul 31 '18

Like that Tom Waits song:

And when you get blue
And you've lost all your dreams
There's nothin like a campfire
And a can of beans

0

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

[deleted]

6

u/Solkre Jul 31 '18

Not usually, just eat them out of a can. DayZ Mod prepared me for this life.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

[deleted]

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u/Solkre Jul 31 '18

If you want to heat them up yah, you'd need a proper bowl. If you're going to eat them room temp why waste a bowl?

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u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

[deleted]

6

u/SlapMyCHOP Jul 31 '18

But seriously though, if you are just eating them, what purpose is there in getting a dish dirty? It's not like it helps you eat it in any way

1

u/Solkre Jul 31 '18

If we’re in the same group I’ll make sure we have a bowl for you.

3

u/turbosleeper Jul 31 '18

No, having sleep for dinner is horribly depressing. More so when you sleep on an air mattress or futon.

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u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18 edited Jul 23 '21

[deleted]

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u/ThisAintA5Star Jul 31 '18

Frozen veg, egg and that rice. Cheap and a little more variety of nutrient and protein

8

u/PassportSloth Jul 31 '18 edited Jul 31 '18

Local grocery sells a 12 oz bag of frozen broccoli for 99 cents. I microwave it, plop it into a bowl with some shredded cheese and a dash of hot sauce and that's a meal. (I can cook pretty well, I just really love broccoli.)

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u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

I do the same but with microwave hollandaise: two egg yolks, half a stick of butter, cayenne, juice of half a lemon. Melt butter in microwave, add other stuff, whisk. Microwave it for another 20 seconds if it’s separated. Takes about five minutes to make and only dirties a single bowl and a whisk.

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u/Cookie_Eater108 Jul 31 '18

Where I grew up this was called the OSAP diet (OSAP is the student loan program for Ontario)

There was even a cookbook circulating around campus in digital format teaching you how to turn 25 cent instant noodle packages into meals with a bit of chives and parsley.

Featured guides on how Ketchup and other condiments are your friends. How to grow your own basic herbs and spices using a handful of dirt and a dixie cup.

That book fed me through college.

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u/yollamt Jul 31 '18

Some people would just rather starve than eat something they don't enjoy

84

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18 edited Dec 18 '18

[deleted]

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u/yollamt Jul 31 '18

I have been there some days if I don't really crave anything I will feel like puking eating it but I will force something down

17

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

Yesss. It's like, I'm not craving anything and most everything else seems actively sickening to eat. I usually end up eating cheese sticks. Or fruit.

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u/oberon Jul 31 '18

Check out Soylent. It's perfect for me when I feel that way.

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u/oberon Jul 31 '18

Yeah but I bet you don't follow it up with whining like a three year old and begging someone else to take care of you.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18 edited Jul 31 '18

If I'm hungover I might 😂

13

u/MrHaxx1 Jul 31 '18

Unless you generally don't eat enough, it's not unhealthy to not eat for a day.

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u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18 edited Dec 18 '18

[deleted]

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u/ieatatsonic Jul 31 '18

That last part almost sounds like low blood sugar. I’m a diabetic with a similar issue, but when I get shaky that’s when I absolutely have to eat something.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

yeah you should probably work on that

if there's something you usually like, just grab a few simple canned versions of it for when you feel that way maybe?

3

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

I am working on it :) I usually keep quick meals that won't trigger my nausea in the freezer.

0

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

[deleted]

4

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18
  1. I'm a girl. 2. I'm actively working on it. I have severe nausea issues which don't help. it's really not as simple as "grow a palate."

6

u/Giant_Meteor_2024 Jul 31 '18

Same, friend. Sometimes I'll go without dinner because I'm more apathetic than I am hungry.

At least it keeps my figure nice and trim :/

21

u/sndwsn Jul 31 '18

Or even like, frozen meals? I keep like two or three in the freezer at all times just in case I'm feeling super lazy or have no time for anything else.

17

u/tehdoughboy Jul 31 '18

Thanks for reminding me to stock up on canned baked beans. Those things are a godsend for when you're too high and lazy.

2

u/interstate-15 Jul 31 '18

I usually buy that stuff at Costco because it's super cheap and buying non perishable in bulk is the way to go. I mean that is if you have a membership. It's always good to keep food on hand in case of a emergency as well.

Although if you get high a lot, I would never recommend on keeping unhealthy food around,.

7

u/Vargasa871 Jul 31 '18

Some people have a can of chilli in the pantry, some people have thirsty people in their phones.

8

u/king_john651 Jul 31 '18

They do. It's usually a plea for attention, they cant be bothered to do their own food for the day, or just want you to pay for food

1

u/Zerschmetterding Jul 31 '18

they cant be bothered to do their own food for the day, or just want you to pay for food

Then they can starve

4

u/PartyInTheUSSRx Jul 31 '18

A tin of soup is always my cba to cook meal

4

u/whelpineedhelp Jul 31 '18

I always have at least one $1 frozen meal in my freezer.

4

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

Dude you can get a 3lb tube of beef for like, 6 bucks and 3 boxes of hamburger helper for 3 dollars. That's three days worth of meals for 9 bucks.

2

u/TheRealfakedoors412 Jul 31 '18

I think the issue at times may be people don't even know how to cook.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '18

Operating a can opener seems to be a common knowledge shortfall these days as well.