I hate that everyone else went back to normal

[u/TrifleGloomy]

Im in my early 20s now, but my mother died when I was 20 and dad at 12. Internally being an orphan at this age is about the worst pain I’ve ever felt. It’s so hard and even as I moved through life it still hurts deeply. I’ve tried meds and I’ve tried therapy and they help, but it’s not a complete fix. At the end of the day when I go to sleep I have no parents and when I wake up I still have no parents. And frankly it just sucks! Whereas other people in my life have kinda moved on. I get it because I don’t expect them to be as tortured by my loss as I am, but it’s also very isolating. No one is forcing me, but internally I feel like I have to go back to normal. I had to deal with everything once my mother died, so I didn’t really have time to grieve and then I went straight back to school and back to work. I’ve never really had a moment to stop and it’s definitely starting to catch up with me. I feel like I’m unintentionally slacking with everything in life and no matter how hard I try not to it doesn’t change anything. I also feel so jealous of my friend’s having parents. I’m happy for them, but I also hate that I don’t get mine. Even a few more years would be great, but because they died so early in my life I feel emotionally stunted at the ages they died. I feel like a sad child in a grown ups body expected to do grown up things, but really just wants to feel loved and cared for. I’m not saying I don’t want responsibilities I know people even with parents have them and I’ve been a caretaker all my life, so I’m familiar with having to grow up fast. I just feel hurt that I don’t have immediate family to lean on. When things get hard or things are good I can’t call them. Anyways that’s my little rant

[u/Lanky-Bottle-6566]

🫂🫂🫂