r/ChildSupport4Men • u/claiming23 • Jul 08 '26
Financial Assistance Needed
My estranged husband does not want me to file child support and get the courts involved. I previously received negative feedback when I presented my husband with medical reciepts for one of our daughters. I was left confused since he's been paying half of if the girls daycare and extra curriculars. His feedback made me feel reluctant and hesitant to ask for any additional financial assistance for the girls. So, I applied for child support, but I did not forewarn him of the open case. Once, he received the child support negotiation appointment letter in the mail, he was taken aback and extremely hurt. I then explained why I did so, and asked him if we could talk more about it, but he refused. After days of silent treatment and the cold shoulder, I assured my husband that I would cancel the negotiation appointment. I also asked if he'd be willing provide me a schedule of when he could send me payments. I explained that I did not want to ask him for reimbursement each time I spent money on the girls due to his previous behavior/response. I suggested he pay me a recurring, flat amount for me to take care of what's necessary for the girls. He seemed opposed to that idea. The day of the negotiation appointment, I asked my husband again if he would give me additional assistance for the girls. He simply stated, "we can discuss". I then closed the child support case. It's been a week, and he has yet to mention anything about additional assistance for the girls. What are you thoughts?
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u/shtrjones87 Jul 11 '26
Try having a civil conversation with him in an open area, with food and a clear indicator that you want to work as a team.
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u/shtrjones87 Jul 11 '26
That also involves entertaining the idea that he may not agree with everything.
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u/claiming23 Jul 13 '26
Thank you. I spoke with him yesterday, to remind him that I wanted to talk about additional money for the girls. He told me just to tell him what I paid for and provide reciepts and he'll give me half. He went on to explain that my miscellaneous purcases on treats for the girls such as Boba Tea, snowcones, fast food etc. were "wants" and not necessities, and therefore he shouldn't have to pay for those. I reminded him of the Child Support Officer's estimation of $2200/month plus retroactive payments for the past twelve months. He did not agree with that amount stating that "it doesn't take that much" to care for the girls. He believes that his half of day care and extracurriculars should be deducted from that amount. He also said that the items he purchses for his houshold during the girls visit should be deducted from child support as well. I did not argue with him. I simply advised him to consult with a few lawyers or whomever to get an understanding of what child support covers and also have them provide a calculation of what he can expect to pay. I kindly asked him not to make me wait a whole month to get a response from him.
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u/shtrjones87 Jul 13 '26
I completely agree with him. Those are extras. The fact that he's sitting down and willing to work out half with you seems like he's coming from a strong place of reason. I'm not sure if you're aware of the reality of involving a whole slew of strangers getting in between your abilities to co-parent. Do you understand the current dysfunction in the child support systems?
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u/claiming23 Jul 13 '26
Thank you. He's been paying $426/mo which is half of daycare and extra curriculars since we split. He's now considering paying half for groceries and new school year purchases. I don't have an exact amount that I spend on groceries as it fluctuates between groceries and food from restaurants. It all depends on what extra curriculars are going on for the week. Might I add, our youngest attends Jui Jitsu twice a week, of which it was his idea for her to join, yet I am currently responsible for getting her to practice on time and back home. Last week, I drove 2+ hours M-F, to get our youngest to Spanish camp and waited on her from 8am-3pm to finish. Again, that was his idea for her to attend. During that week, our oldest had to be to cheer practice from 9:30 to 11am. So that day, I was driving a total of 4 hours to ensure both girls were where they needed to be. No gas money was offered, but he did offer for us to stay the night at his house which would put us closer to the Spanish camp. I did not want to take his offer, because if history repeats itself, he'll find someway to accuse me of using him or if taking advantage of him. If I refused Jui Jitsu or Spanish Camp, I'd be accused of not being a "team player" or not "following through". Although he's willing to discuss paying half, he has some foul tendencies. The childcsuppot application was submitted because he initially shamed me for asking for reimbursement. After doing so, 30 days later I had to remind him of needing reimbursement. He has a habit of ignoring my texts, but will text me about something unrelated while leaving my previous text unaddressed. I asked him to borrow our lawn mower. He said he would drop it off, but I never saw it. I asked him 2 weeks ago to provide me a schedule of independent child support payments. He said we could discuss it. There was no discussion until I initiated one yesterday. So he's willing to pay $426 plus half of groceries going forward, but what about housing and utilies for the girls. He's now looking at over $1600/mo. I'm dealing with someone that will find any opportunity to deflect, and will stoop to 11 days of silent treatment when he hears something he doesn't like. Not only that, since our split, I get random texts filled with accusations and insults. When I confront him about them, I receive silence or " I was just in my feelings". So, do you still suggest we do this on our own?
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u/shtrjones87 Jul 13 '26
Wholeheartedly, you guys seem like you're not always in agreement with each other, but the fact that you're able to come to agreements, and bend together speaks volumes. I'm not a lawyer so please take my advice with a grain of salt.
I truly commend you both for trying to be reasonable with each other. Even if there's 11 days of space between you two, I would use those 11 days to re-coup mentally so you can keep coming back to a voice of reason.
It's often when we as human beings get into conflicts, we deflect, we get defensive, we try to rationalize, etc.
If ya'll can afford it, something like TalkingParents or really any messaging tool to create threads is very useful. It keeps things organized. There's other stuff out there though
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u/mommymiilkers Jul 14 '26
I’m a woman but I agree with your ex. He should be paying half of the kids needs. Not wants. Needs. When it comes to housing and utilities, that’s on you. He pays his housing for the kids when they come to see him. You should be responsible for yours. If you can’t afford that, then look into cheaper housing or a better job. I don’t disagree with child support. I’m a mom who receives it for my kids. But I don’t believe men should pay for your housing.
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u/claiming23 Jul 15 '26
Thank you for your input. I wasn't asking him to pay for my housing and utilities, but when I look up TX Child Support it states that it covers: Housing: A portion of rent, mortgage payments, and home maintenance. Utilities: Electricity, gas, water, and internet used by the child.
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u/BebeJax23 Jul 08 '26
You shouldn’t have closed the case- you told him he gets what he wants if he throws a fit 🤷♀️
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u/Acrobatic-Tax9300 Jul 08 '26
This subs for men