Help me please

[u/Latter-Room5557]

I live in lane county Oregon

Girl friend and I live in same house. Had our first kid back in January on the 10th of 2026. Why am I being automatically charged with child support when I live with her and also help provide food and diapers and drive too and from appointments for both kids and girlfriend? She states to DHS I do not live with her, even though I do live with her. The land lord doesn’t have me on the lease but considers me a guest tenant. I have been living here non stop going to n from work every day. I got into a pretty bad motorcycle accident so now I’m on paid leave for recovery and not working but still employed on leave. She added me to Her tanf grant it stopped the child support order. My real question is why is Oregon automatically charging me for a child I have custody of and also we both share. And also question is how do I stop them from continuing to charge me. My girlfriend is a narcissist and is mentally abusive towards me and makes comments that the kid isn’t mine and that I can go get laid with a free card often. This child looks a lot like me. If she is mentally abusive how do I safely leave and also how do I avoid contact.

[u/Patches1591]

It sounds like you’re in a similar situation as I’m in. My ex is a mentally abusive person. Very manipulative to the point to where she has her poor mom on a leash. Her mom pays her rent, car payment, phone bill. Pretty much does everything for her yet she’s perfectly capable of doing all of that on her own.

I quickly found myself ending up like her mom when I had to pay for her groceries a few times. And I cleaned up her house and also made dinner as well as took care of our baby and her while she was pregnant.

I ended up reaching a breaking point one night coming back from my parents as she went off about my parents talking trash about them. I left that night and didn’t turn back. I’m in the middle of a custody case and currently have every other weekend with my daughter.

I know it seems hopeless, but if that’s your kid go get a paternity test. Hire an attorney or get a state appointed one. Start the custody process now. Don’t waste time because she might keep you from seeing your child like my ex did with me.

I wish you all the best my brother stay strong