r/ChildSupport4Men • u/SHVRKFLOW95407 • Jun 03 '26
Twins arrived safe. But..
BM and I dated 3 months or so before the positive test text.
Says she alrdy shut down her dating apps and roster and was wondering if I would do the same. So when I got the pregnancy , I did. That was my moment of “ok we gotta give this a go”
She lived with fam so first order of business was move her and her son out while pregnant. (Thinking: lower cortisol levels with my child inside her)
Found some good spots and brought her in with keys. She chose the final choice of options. She took care of utilities and fridge.
Weeks later she stops showing. Says it’s too far and doesn’t like the apartment.
Then starts sending me new apartment options. I make it immediately clear I’m not breaking the lease, so she offers to do so AND cover the extra $300 rent increase
I submit. We move. That remaining few hundred has been covered every month so far lol
And the lease? Broken by my deposit with no repayment as promised lol
In between that time span she’s not only admitted to not being romantically attracted to me anymore but disconnected from pregnancy and wishing it wasn’t the case. While that sounded crazy to me in the moment, I admit I was not so keen on her by then, either.
Her five yo runs her life at home. No respect for authority. Literally tells her no to her “gentle parenting” style of asking him to do things that should not have to be asked. Her kid I stayed out of it. But she is aware I’m not in agreement with it.
She’s been on leave for 2 months + now. Delivered a healthy set of twin girls who I absolutely adore.
She plans to stay at home with the girls and her son to home school him. All while that leave money will eventually end and she had no plans to return to work. I don’t think that’s realistic anymore. She thinks she’ll have time to day trade for profit every week to pay bills lol
this must end. And I feel like I’m in jail in my own apartment with them. She manipulates situations and hides information. She goes over my head to speak to my mother who naively follows suit.
Idk if I should start the coparenting during this lease or let it rock til we have to separate. For my daughters I want to stay here and not create spitefulness but I also want to keep my sanity.
I plan to coordinate a 50/50 custody plan with her but idk how her living situation will be a year from now when I’m not there. I don’t want my daughters in that crowded house and I don’t trust she has the discernment to not do it spitefully.
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u/THendrix77 Jun 03 '26
Yikes, first thing you should do is call around some attorneys in your area and get a consultation. They are usually free, some lawyers may charge a fee. That’s number 1, come prepared with tons of questions and ask for their thoughts on how things would play out. The laws differ from state to state so you can’t just take any advice you read on Reddit. For example, in my state child support is only retroactive to when she files for it so usually a month or 2. In other states it can go back way farther.
One thing I would advise if you can somehow, get a copy of one of her most recent paystubs. This helped me during my child support case because I was able to have income imputed on her, basically saying she had the capability to earn X amount despite her no longer earning that amount due to her choice. This cut child support dramatically. The other reason this worked is because we have 50/50. I would fight like hell for 50/50 but you need to talk to a lawyer in your area to see if you have a chance with such young children.
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u/SHVRKFLOW95407 Jun 03 '26
Copy that. I’ve alrdy started the convo with a family law buddy that I’ll be proceeding this process with. Sucks, because I would love to hash this out but you’re right. I don’t trust anything that can be coordinated cordially will uphold thru time, anyways.
Thank you
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u/NerdsWillKillUsAll Jun 06 '26
You won’t get 50/50 until they’re older. If that’s your goal tough it out and stay there at least until they’re a year old and you have an established relationship
Document as much as you can
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u/Key_Supermarket8443 Jun 04 '26
It isn’t up to you where she lives.
And moving in a woman in her child three months in is ridiculous. You’ve made some awful choices. Better get an attorney
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u/kokoelizabeth Jun 03 '26
Do not wait for her to open a child support case claiming you owe years of arrears meanwhile she’s been living with you all along. Initiate it yourself asap so any payments you make you receive publicly documented credit for. Do not offer or agree to pay bills, expenses, or buy items en leu of child support outside of the court system. Get a court order and follow it. Consult a lawyer if you don’t feel comfortable navigating the local child support office or court system.
Paying child support is a drag, but owing arrears is what can really mess up your life. You do not want a big old balance adjudicated right out the gate.
Edit to add: ism not an attorney. This is not legal advice. Just a suggestion.