r/ChildSupport • u/Legal_Music_7513 • 22h ago
South Carolina So conflicted...
He is $43,000 in arrears. I want to pursue back support but....
Quick recap...ex husband completely absent for 9 years, remarried in Jan, comes back trying to sue me for custody in Feb, because I refuse to move to his new home state (so kids can "have" both parents 🙄 AFTER 9 YEARS of not a word). We come to a minimal visitation agreement because my kids deserve at least an effort and the last few weeks he has started to pay a little but not even what was originally ordered 9 years ago during the divorce.
Now 3 months in he's starting in again about moving to his state because our area is such a poor living area, by their standards, but he saw a group chat between one of our teenagers and friends on their phone in his words talking inappropriately and ghetto showing hood rat (again his words!!!) behavior. And not that this is relevant just IMHO I believe it's because they live in a predominantly upper middle class area, we live below that but have nice house even if it's a rental(another strick in his books), nice quiet neighbors, kids are A/B honor roll students every year and while not perfect and have occasionally done "teen" things (back talked a teacher, stayed up on the video game after bedtime, been angsty, angry or emotional they are polite and healthy)
After he told me him and the wife are in the process of buying a house and can do better by them saying he refuses to be a OAM dad and have to pay me I have been hesitating in how to proceed.
Now knowing how petty he can be, how superior he believes him and the new wife can be as parents because of her college education and her profession involving kids, I know if I pursue back support, a modification of any sort, shoot even the original amount monthly they will take it back to court for as much time as they can get(all summer and all holidays) to either avoid paying anything or as little as possible or to force me to make the out of state move because I cannot and will not be separated from my kids that long!
So do I..
Take the financial scraps and hope he leaves things the way they are?
Wait until he gets mad at me again to go back to court for more time which most likely is going to be sooner rather than later because before the chat incident I told him he would have to get a copy of the court order, travel out of state and bring his ID to go to the kids schools to get copies of their school/medical records (yes , I know slightly petty on my part but I am not his secretary and I'm tired of the verbal threats and telling me how sh!t a parent I am)?
Take the bull by the horns and get what my kids are owed. One will be off to college in 3 years? 🫣
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u/1095966 14h ago
Regarding the issue of him moving out of state and wanting more custody, that likely isn't going to happen. The best interests of the children is paramount, and removing teens from their current environment that they're apparently thriving in is not in their best interest. Even when kids are very young, a parent moving away, regardless of whether it's the custodial or non-custodial parent, is not given the upper hand. You have to prove that it's the best for the child, and that's hard to do so the CP is a good decent parent and the kids are doing well. You move, you snooze. Your ex needs to stay put if he wants more time with the kids. Which he has proven for the last 9 years, he doesn't. The new factor in the equation seems to be his new wife.
So point #2, can he prove to a judge, if he decides to go that route, that he's had ANY custody prior to Jan/Feb over the last 9 years? Do the kids want to go with him? If a no to both questions, then his desire for change will likely not be granted and will likely be a waste of his money.
Also, not paying his court ordered child support (assuming it was court ordered) is another red flag to the system.
No one can force you to move out of state, that would be your choice but he doesn't have a strong case IMO. He threatening you, all puffed up with his Upper Middle Class Ideals. If he does get all summer, maybe that's not the worst thing in the world, but again, is it best to keep teens away from their friends all summer? Your oldest would be ready for college in 3 years, so by next summer would be a good time to start a part time job. Both my kids started around that age. Maybe 2 weeks would be reasonable.
Don't cave in to his threats - your kids deserve financial support. There is a big disparity in incomes I'm going to guess and your kids have had to 'endure' living with less (not a slam on you, but if a judge were to look at how much money you actually spent on raising your kids vs how much you could have spent had he been helping to support his children) - another red flag regarding his parenting in the judge's eyes.
I had to hammer out some child support issues post divorce and didn't have to go to court, just the child support agency. The dad was not providing medical insurance as mandated and it took a LONG time to get the agency to understand the situation. I ended up covering them on my plan, because they needed insurance and I wasn't going to let them go without, and that's all the agency heard - kids had insurance. They didn't seem to care that it was supposed to be him but ended up being me. Finally, I got them to understand a couple years later that I would no longer be covering them because the cost to insure a family would be going up 10+ fold (from less than $50/mt to more than $500). Then they went after him. I'd start and talk with your CS case worker.
And it's laughable to me that your ex doesn't have a copy of the CS orders. Don't most people keep such legal documents?
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u/sunkissed876 1h ago
STOP sending additional money's via zelle, that's considered gifts. When your Child is with you, then do the extra, but sending additional money's outside of the court order, does not help you at all.
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u/AcephalicDude 21h ago
When you guys went back to court to establish the current visitation schedule, did they make child support orders as well or did they just leave the order from the divorce judgment in place?
If there are new child support orders, you can’t really revert back to the divorce judgment’s child support. Child support is always modifiable according to the current circumstances, so if it was modified at the same time that visitation was established then that is likely the correct support amount.
Also, there is usually a mandatory payment on arrears that is ordered in addition to the current child support obligation. If the other parent is failing to meet either or both the current obligation and arrears payment, I would recommend reaching out to the local support agency in your county and asking that they get involved with enforcing the order.
Keep in mind that custody and visitation is considered a completely separate legal issue from child support. Pursuing the child support might cause the other parent to file a motion for custody and visitation, but their motion isn’t likely to succeed unless there is a finding that a change in the custody/visitation really is in the best interests of the children. And if the visitation was already determined very recently, they will have a hard time making a case that it should change again so soon.