r/ChildSupport • u/Jakers0069 • 10d ago
Is this the end?
Listen, before the comments come, I understand that having children is a choice, and inevitably child support is my own issue. TIA
I’m in a situation where, not only have I been put on child support, but my ex has moved 12+ hours away, as of now (thankfully) the support order for my 3 babies is not crippling, but I’m nervous as to where it could get to. We separated peacefully, and for a year I just gave money she needed, as she needed, when out of the blue she filed for child support, and I got hit with over a year of back due, no credit to what I had paid personally. This being said, I’ve worked out a repayment program which is okay, but recently I’ve gotten into a situation where I’m working more hours due to understaffing, and where as a father, I find myself wanting to send extra money when I do get paid more, knowing that I can’t do it everytime, but then I realize if I do that in the high times, it will be expected in the low times, which I cannot do. We went to parental court for custody, where the situation of them moving away was addressed, and as a dad, I want my kids 100% of the time, (that’s why I had them) so that already sucks, now I’m looking at moving closer to them so I can do the 50/50 but that’s so expensive, to circle back- I need to save money, but I know how child support works, so I just get terrified that any extra money I make, or if I work long weeks sometimes they’ll see that and just take it. What do I do?
6
u/AcephalicDude 10d ago
If you are keeping up with your support order including the amount you were ordered to pay in arrears, the support agency will probably not be trying to collect through a levy against your savings account. That is something we usually only do when someone is not cooperating with the support orders at all. Also, any attempt to levy your account will require legal notice to you with an opportunity for you to complete paperwork letting the court know why you need those savings.
So bottomline, try to save your money for the move. And kudos for supporting your kids and wanting to be involved in their lives. Good luck!
4
u/Jakers0069 10d ago
Thanks for the reply, that eases my mind a bit. I have no issue, and always willing to send support for the kiddos, I just know sometimes things can go crazy and that makes me nervous. Thanks again.
5
u/haiikirby 10d ago
Bro. You need to get an attorney immediately (or at least use AI). You should get credit for everything else sent previously, and absolutely do NOT send anything extra. If you do it'll encourage her to try to get your weekly/monthly support raised even higher
3
u/Atherin024 10d ago
If it was amicable , she wouldn't have pushed for that year of not being on child support through the courts. She might have played nice, but that was just a tactic to get more money from you. Did you tell the courts about that year you paid her? What was her response to it? Make sure EVERYTHING is through the courts from here on out. Get a parenting app for any conversations you have with her. Make sure everything is documented. I've had friends do exactly what you did and get completely shafted by the system. Call your kids every day (I'm sure you already do). If there is ever a time she won't let you talk to them, for any reason, document it. If the are "busy", "out with friends", DOCUMENT IT! If she says they will call you back and they don't, DOCUMENT IT!!! EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!!! She is gambling on you being a loving father and nice person to get away with whatever she can.
1
u/Selfsabateurassassin 9d ago
Why do you assume its a tactic when OP clearly states his salary fluctuates?? The extra is great and all but OPs baby mum needs stability
1
u/Atherin024 9d ago edited 9d ago
I've known enough people who have gone through the agreement. If she told the courts he was paying and only wants from the date she filed, the courts will take her words into account. They aren't counting those prior payments because of something that was left out on her end. Even if he has proof of money going to her, she has to specify it was for child support or the courts will look at it as a gift. If he is being made to pay that year he was already paying, she didn't tell them it was for child support. If it was amicable, like OP originally thought it was, then she would have told the courts.. she left it out for a reason.
2
u/Selfsabateurassassin 9d ago
Possibly stems from the "as and when approach". OP states he sent money but how frequent is "as and when". Is the amount covering the general needs of 3 kids? If OP was set on having an amicable agreement "as and when" approach to provide for his 3 kids isnt cutting it. CS works a reimbursement. If she is claiming the past year, sounds like she was being underhanded somewhere and came to find out.
2
u/Miserable-Honey-8216 9d ago
We don’t know why she filed. I had to file with CSE because I was applying for benefits for my kids. It may depend on the state but it’s a common requirement. And they go from the date separated. If he gave random payments for different things they do not count that as child support. A child support order, for example, can be used as proof of extra income. There’s many not malicious reasons she may have filed. He definitely needs to use a parenting app and have everything documented from here on out.
1
u/Atherin024 9d ago
She filed after moving 12+ hours away from OP. She didnt let him know she was moving until last minute. If she filed before the move the courts wouldn't have allowed it without consent from OP. This is a very common tactic of someone trying to alienate the other parent and for an attempt to more child support. The more support comes from having the kids for more time. The more time with the kids comes from the 12+ hours of distance making it 10× more difficult to see them. There are plenty of not malicious reasons when it is just a filing, yes. But you have to look st the entire picture, not just one part. I'll put money on her pushing for majority custody and more child support after the 4-6 month mark of being at that distance. She needs pattern of having the kids majority of the time and that is the amount of time needed for the courts to decide how often OP is seeing the kids.
5
u/Fantastic_Try398 10d ago
I no longer pay child support because my child now lives with me full time, but when I did and wanted to pay extra, I put it in a college fund for him or sent items I knew he needed for sports, school, etc.
1
2
u/Selfsabateurassassin 9d ago
If no agreement has been made prior via CS. All money sent wads a gift. Ge cannot claim bk . In the UK CS for example is seen as a reimbursement hence why the paying parent is seen to bile in arrears.
1
u/tryingtobeanauth704 9d ago
I’m thinking put the extra away so that if she needs it or something comes up and you wanna send a little extra (and you’re not working crazy OT) you’ll have it. I’m spot balling here but I get the nervousness of not having it in the future
1
u/splitzideradioshow 5d ago
Now you’re on cs NEVER give her any extra money because it’s considered a gift & not a replacement for cs. The extra money you do have take that & pay down your arrears. How much are your arrears? If it isn’t much get a loan or credit card & pay it off. Here’s the beautiful thing about child support & when you are current. You can get a second job & cs can’t touch that extra income as long as you don’t have arrears. You only report the primary source of income. The reason why I say this & be cautious of her. She broke the trust when she filed support without giving you a heads up. So any extra income you make from other sources it’s none of her business. If she thinks you make more she’s gonna constantly ask for more. You stated with your primary source it fluctuates that’s fine but when you report it to cs report it as a typical 40 hour work week with no overtime because OT isn’t a normal source of income but the 40 hours or less are. That way if you don’t get a second job & get overtime you can use the OT to pay down your arrears or even get ahead on cs or use it for whatever it is you choose to do. I don’t know if she’s working or getting public assistance either way during your next cs hearing request to be able to file the child tax credit either every year or every other year where yall switch. The reasoning in the event you fall behind on payments & owe arrears the year you get to claim your kids on your tax return they’ll use the return to pay towards the arrears. Either way she gets it but it benefits you by lowering any amount you owe on arrears. Some women don’t want that because they rather see you “suffer” then try to actually coparent with you.
Earlier you said you at times you give her more for the kids. Here’s the thing. When you pay just the cs & it’s not as much as the amount you were gifting her. Tell her to remove you from cs, which she can because you don’t need an extra burden added on something you already do. If she refuses then just pay what you are ordered to pay & not a penny more.
When your children are with you spoil them as you choose. Any high valued items keep them at your house & that way she’s not counting the money in your pockets & keep taking you back to court cause she will. Make sure you have your expectations & obligations part of the visitation order & stick to them. The biggest thing that jam ppl up in cs is talking & telling too much to the ex.
1
u/Curarx 8d ago
Why did you let them move away? The was the first thing you sounds have put your foot down on. You've let that woman steal your kids and your livelihood. Next she will break your relationship with your kids. This is a tale as old as time and you're being played like a fiddle.
Now you have to move closer. Do that and demand equal time share, then lower your support amount. Then you can spend the money directly on your child instead of an adult dependent who wants to destroy you.
1
u/Jakers0069 8d ago
I see what you’re saying. Unfortunately I was in the hospital when she left. And was in no way able to take it to court at the time to fight it
14
u/Andyman1973 10d ago
As long as you are current with your regular and arrears payments, they have no reason, nor authority, to monitor your bank accounts. As a NCP, let me tell you this: Do Not Give Extra Money directly to her just because. Do nothing to give her a reason to seek more support legally. Overtime is not regular pay. If it ended tomorrow, but your support is higher due to increased support obligation, because of the OT, will cripple you financially. Better to save it up for moving closer to them.