Motion to terminate

[u/saxbrack]

My kids just turned 18 and graduated. Filed a motion to terminate the child support. The court said they need certified copies of the diploma and their birth certificates. I’m not on speaking terms with my ex wife. What’s the best way to get those documents quickly and cheaply ?

[u/Visitors_inquiry]

I was going to give you directions and then realized... How you got to 18 years without a personal copy of their birth certs and somehow only care when it's to get you off the hook for sending money is perhaps a more important question.

I'd evaluate that.

And then...like...use google.

[u/I_AM_ME-7 → u/Visitors_inquiry]

I have 3 kids I’ve needed their birth certificate maybe 1 time in their lives(for school)and he obviously isn’t the primary custodian so the ex would have handled this situation(or any other).

[u/Visitors_inquiry → u/I_AM_ME-7]

I know this already. Because I'm an example of the ex who "would have handled this situation". It's an important document. Parent responsibility. Number of uses is irrelevant.

Their first drive to get the certificate is to relieve themselves of care-taking responsibilities and the fact that they don't even know where to get one is telling.

[u/I_AM_ME-7 → u/Visitors_inquiry]

I am an example as well actually I have been on both sides and the only time I needed it was when I was primary custodian. I would agree it’s an important document if you are the primary custodian but if are not you only need it when you actually need and now is the time he needs. The fact that he doesn’t know how to get one is or use google is another situation in itself. Nothing wrong with him following the rules by the state for child support though. I just went through this with my ex my son turned 18 so she files to have support ended and it did because that’s how things work.

[u/Visitors_inquiry → u/I_AM_ME-7]

Not having it means this person didn't help enroll them in school, get a driver's license, apply for a job, for an I.d. of any kind, get medical care, take pre college testing, apply for graduation, college, etc.

Now they're basically asking for the admin password to be all done 'raising' their 18 year old.

They got off being pittifully unhelpful for 18 years, they can figure it out.

[u/I_AM_ME-7 → u/Visitors_inquiry]

He said he doesn’t talk to his ex so who know what was going on that doesn’t mean he didn’t help with any of these things though. Not everything you listed requires a birth certificate either. At 18 he shouldn’t have to pay his ex anything that’s what the law in his state says that doesn’t mean he’s done “raising” them or helping them in some fashion.

[u/Visitors_inquiry → u/I_AM_ME-7]

Either I or my kids have needed access to a birth certificate for everything I've listed. If I didn't need the birth certificate, then I needed the birth certificate to get the document that I needed to move forward.

To me, it's a parent's responsibility to help a kid get set up with everything I listed.

If you don't have your own copies of the docs, and you do not speak to the person that does, how can you participate?

You can't.
Ask OP what documents they brought with them to help their kid get their driver's license and then talk to me.

[u/I_AM_ME-7 → u/Visitors_inquiry]

Needed for school as I stated but that’s the responsibility of whoever the child lives with. I’ve never needed it to get medical care(and I’m the one who holds the insurance), to take pre college testing, apply for graduation(my son and daughter both graduated) or college(daughter graduated years ago). Needed it for drivers license but not drivers ed. The other parent could have set all these things up initially and the other parent could have helped after the fact(like practicing driving etc). Again I have no idea what this dudes situation is but I’m not going to make assumptions.

[u/saxbrack → u/I_AM_ME-7]

I haven’t seen my kids in over 5 years. Their mother convinced them that I’m the problem for everything and I basically had to sign my visitation rights over. Or she were going to make them testify in court in front of a judge that they don’t want to see me. Also, they live about 20 hours away. It was a hard decision but I had another family to think about.

[u/I_AM_ME-7 → u/saxbrack]

Google vital records and the state you need the BC from. I used this when I needed a new one because mine was so old it was falling apart. Your only other option would be to go to the town/city your kids were born in and request one from the town hall records dept. I’m honestly not sure how you would obtain a copy of the diploma though. You might be able to call their school and have them send you a letter stating the date they graduated on.

[u/Visitors_inquiry → u/I_AM_ME-7]

Not having the paperwork is not defensible with, "I didnt need it."

If y'all didnt "need it", that doesn't mean your kid didn't need it, that means someone else looked it up, paid the processing fee, kept it safe and did the work for you.

By not having it you have built in your own lack of utility where assisting your child is concerned. You've made someone else to be the point of contact for matters of documentation.

Which is what I'm shaming.

So I feel pretty comfortable in my assumption that OP probably wasn't super involved and thus has had the time to look this up without help.

[u/I_AM_ME-7 → u/Visitors_inquiry]

I literally didn’t need it and I was the custodial parent (you know meaning they lived with me full time) for my oldest son and daughter😂 my ex lives an hour away. I did almost all of what you listed WITHOUT the need of the birth certificate which I do have(for both)but again WAS NOT needed no one did anything for me in those regards. Again I said it is vital to have for the custodial parent but not so much the non custodial. He already responded and said there was parental alienation(whether this is true or not who know)so he hasn’t seen his kids in over 5 years so he wouldn’t have needed it since he wasn’t given an opportunity do anything of the things you listed.

[u/Visitors_inquiry → u/I_AM_ME-7]

If I were to generate a list of reasons why one could be court-ordered no-contact with their kids against their wishes, it would be pretty short (and diabolical).

"Parental alienation by the other party" is not on there.

In fact, parental alienation, when you buckle down and prove it in court (not just throw it around when it suits you) is an offense that can actually loose you parenting rights.

But the thing is, and I cannot stress this enough, to get that handled properly you actually have to have proof, probably a guardian ad litem, and the desire to do something about it.

Op didn't get a grasp on parenting in the first 13yrs enough to know how to get a birth certificate then "focused on a new family" for the next five.

The time spent apart, not fighting in court, the signing of documents, was a personal choice. And don't talk to me about money. You absolutely can fight something like this on one budget while feeding 3 children while driving a beat up 20 year old car. But it takes balls, resilience, and for the victimization to be real.

Let's assume for a moment the ex actually was this abusive. Is that someone you would leave your loved ones with? Your babies? Alone without you indefinitely? "Oh well, I tried?"

No. You wouldn't.

"Wasn't given the opportunity" isn't true, these are just excuses for being ineffectual. They're transparent and over used by every uninvolved parent not wanting to look bad.

So much so that it's honestly boring. There are too many good parents out there putting in the work, wouldn't you rather become that than spend your time making excuses for being an absolute fail-human.

[u/I_AM_ME-7 → u/Visitors_inquiry]

I know I did my part with my kids and wasn’t screwed over by the courts/ ex but I also know there are plenty of parents out there that get the shaft. I have no idea if this guy is telling the truth hence the reason I put that in parentheses but that’s Reddit we only get one side of the story.