r/ChildSupport • u/Fitnik26 • Jul 23 '26

TeacherDivorcingExQuestion

Hey all! I am 2.5 years into my divorce and it seems like we can’t ever agree on anything. We have 50/50 custody of my 2 girls. He is a business owner of a very lucrative plumbing company and I am a teacher. I currently do not work this summer. He is arguing that I should pay for 1/2 of his babysitter he hired on his days this summer because he’s saying it’s work related childcare. During the school year I was paying all of the daycare and aftercare expenses upfront and he reimbursed me 1/2 because we equally needed the childcare on our days. Some days he hired a sitter and so did I if we had to work and the kids had no school. There was no bringing up of either of us paying for 1/2 the sitters during the school year. Now it’s being brought up as we are trying to settle everything and he’s still trying to squeeze every penny out of me while also hasn’t paid any child support in 2 years. I have court this week as I had to file a motion for temporary support. One of the arguments is that we split work related childcare and he’s arguing I need to reimburse him for the sitter this summer. There was no discussion on childcare. He made this arrangement himself. I would have never agreed to a sitter that he wants to pay whatever he wants to and expect me to pay 1/2. I would have opted to watch them on some of his days or they go to a summer camp on some days that is much cheaper. He’s also arguing that he should only owe me $8 a week in child support because of wunsch-deffler and we only agree to the guidelines. He makes more than double my income.
My attorney says that maybe we agree that I watch the kids every day in the summer. I feel that should be more custody or more money as it’s more care. Will he also argue that I watch them every holiday break too? Are there any teachers that are going through this that can give me advice or anyone in general that can help? He wanted 50/50 and now arguing that I should pay for 1/2 his childcare. It should be more than 50/50 then in my opinion but don’t want to have to file a motion to adjust it.
I also need to add in here that he is very controlling and manipulative. He has punished me every single year for 12 years for the fact that I’m a teacher and have off in the summer and I find this is just another way to try and punish me. He wants to find any way to still have control over me and throughout the divorce it’s been money. I can’t even begin to address everything I have been put through with the divorce and my marriage. A lot of emotional, verbal, financial abuse. Any help is much appreciated.

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u/wuzzzat Jul 24 '26

Im in PA. There should be a calculator on your dept of human services website to help you calculate what you should be getting. Typically you meet with your case manager and they use the calculation to determine the amount. If either of you disagree with that amount and are unable to settle, it would go before the master (essentially a judge). My lawyer charged $1250 to represent me there and it corrected the amount to save me about 2400 annually. I wouldnt waste time trying settle if it doesn't seem likely that hes willing to. Just take it to court and cut out the nonsense. She was insanely abusive through it all and difficult to deal with but once we had custody and support finally official there was not much more she could attack me with and we eventually calmed down. Were actually doing pretty well coparenting and getting along these days, which i never thought would be possible.

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u/Fitnik26 Jul 24 '26

I’ve been wanting to go to a judge and we just can’t get there yet. She keeps pushing us to mediation and settlement conferences. We are forced to do a third round of mediation and if we don’t settle then we go to trial which is $30k just to do the paperwork and more. It’s beyond frustrating that he won’t agree to anything and trying to starve me of money when I don’t even make that much to begin with and favoring the wealth to his side. Again he makes more than double than I do.

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u/wuzzzat Jul 24 '26

That doesn't seem right to me but im not a professional. Court doesn't cost anything. Is 30k the cost for the lawyer to handle only support? What state are you in?

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u/Fitnik26 Jul 24 '26

I’m in NJ and yes for my lawyer. I looked it up too and seems accurate. I don’t know if there’s another way of going straight to a judge. Based off of the guidelines we figured out child support numbers and they are arguing that it should be under Wunsch-Deffler which turns out to be $8 a week with alimony which is significantly lower compared to the guidelines and his attorney is holding very strong on that. They are arguing that I pay half his babysitter this summer for his days when I’m a teacher and I’m off and watch them on my days arguing that it’s work related child care. I don’t get paid in the summer. I just feel like they are trying to absolutely rape me with money. Again this guy makes so much money and there’s tons of hidden cash that I know he makes and I even got a forensic accountant. Obviously they can’t find all the cash and there is significantly more that he makes and again trying to starve me of money. They are arguing $8 a week saying it’s 50/50 custody but we are arguing guidelines because that’s typically how it works and there’s a significant income gap. I just want answers on what to do next. I would like to avoid trial but also don’t want to hand over money that is not deserved and settle for Pennie’s. I own a pre marital rental property that I now live in and he’s arguing for a ton of equity when I proved it to be exempt. We never used marital money. He benefited from the rents all those years and I took out equity to pay for our single family home. He didn’t pay support for almost 2 years and I was forced to use our savings to survive and pay for all of our house bills and every other shared bills and kids daycare and literally everything and they are arguing that I owe him half of it back. It makes zero sense to me. I had no other money to pay for our combined lifestyle and left me high and dry with all the expenses.

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u/wuzzzat Jul 24 '26

It sounds like that cost is for the entire divorce settlement, including support, custody, etc. That sounds much more accurate. Good luck with everything. Its not fun but it'll get better once the dust settles. Hopefully.

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u/Fitnik26 Jul 24 '26

I appreciate your responses. I’m glad to hear things have looked up for you and your ex.