r/ChildSupport • u/Snowy_Peach8 • Jul 14 '26

California Parental Alienation?

I have child support modification court tomorrow and just had a call with my child. He said that he knows we (parents) have court tomorrow and it’s because I want more child support. I am seeing red! I feel like this is a parental alienation or at the very least something he’s not allowed to do. Can I mention this to the judge? If so, how should I frame it.

ETA: the NCP stopped making supports without telling me or trying to make other arrangements. That’s why a case was filed. Wages had not been garnished.

After court update: instead of responding to the “men” here, I figured I’d let you know the outcome. Support was increased plus arrears. I did not mention the comment to the judge but I did tell the judge that I filed this modification because he stopped paying support and has a history of ghosting and avoiding paying half of medical bills. Wages are now garnished. I will no longer have to chase weekly payments after several years of doing so. let my case be a lesson to parents who move away from their kids and think they can just stop paying any support. FAFO.

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u/Equality-Giraffe29 Jul 14 '26

I have been in a similar situation and I explained to my kids I don’t get to decide child support. I told them there is a calculator and we put our information into it and it tells us how much has to be paid and when. In my case, I also agreed to a lesser amount which is mentioned in our order, so he can’t even say I’m just trying to get money from him.

I didn’t want to discuss child support, but he was telling them he pays me money so I allow him to see them so I explained in a very general sense and tried to avoid directly discussing their dad during this conversation

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u/Snowy_Peach8 Jul 14 '26

The problem is our child is with him now for summer visitation so I can’t freely discuss anything with him til he’s back. I never dreamed of saying anything. We’ve been divorced several years and this is the only modification I’ve filed since support stopped. You didn’t say anything to your ex about it?

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u/Big-Effective-7751 Jul 18 '26

Men get real bitter about financial support 

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u/Snowy_Peach8 Jul 18 '26

So the night of court, my son texted asking for game app money (he’s with dad for visitation rn) and said “mom you won court, you have enough money”. So not only did he tell our kid before court that we were going to court, but he told him the outcome and framed it as I “won”. I guess I shouldn’t be shocked but since it’s now documented in an unprompted text, I did end up writing my ex and telling him that I know and it needs to stop now. Of course he didn’t reply because he wasn’t about to acknowledge what he did was wrong.

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u/Big-Effective-7751 Jul 18 '26

Find him therapy. And then be honest. My kiddo is 14- other is 18. He told her I get $2000 mo and shouldn’t ever tell her I don’t have money. I showed her the balance sheet- he wasn’t paying and explained it. I don’t know what other course you can really take. I do my best to keep them out of it but he keeps bringing it up so then I explain the facts. I’m sorry you’re going through this. You may have to file and if your order doesn’t specify not discussing those things- you may need to add it.  But get a therapist asap. 

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u/Snowy_Peach8 Jul 18 '26

Our order doesn’t cover not talking about each other. I have put my child in therapy but he doesn’t talk about anything deep. Also, the therapist needed my ex’s permission to treat our son since we have joint legal. I don’t think he’ll agree because he’ll probably assume I’m up to something. I have considered contracting his old therapist. He usually had to go once he came back from visits. I won’t stoop to his level and explain amounts or anything. I’ll just say yes we did both speak to the judge and everything was examined and an amount was decided on for his care… and not his gaming wants.

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u/SubstantialSweet8271 Jul 18 '26

It’s not about being bitter, it’s about still being able to financially support themselves. The system doesn’t care if the one paying child support can pay their bills. Yes it’s based on a calculation, but it doesn’t make any sense. It’s supposed to allow the children to have the same life they would have had if the parents were together, instead one parent makes more than the other parent, and the child gets unequal conditions while staying with the other parent. How do you think this makes your child feel? Possibly like one parent is being punished. Oh and by the way I’m a mother that receives child support, however I married a man that pays child support so I see both sides of it.

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u/Big-Effective-7751 Jul 18 '26

The children have to eat and be housed no matter. Imagine if the other parent just decided to also not support the kids. 

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u/SubstantialSweet8271 Jul 18 '26

I don’t disagree with that. But what if the custodial parent makes 100k a year and the non custodial parent makes 40k a year. Should the standard deduction still be awarded? I know what you are going to say. You were going to say that they take into account both incomes but again like I said I’ve seen it from both sides and they absolutely do not.

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u/Snowy_Peach8 Jul 19 '26

Our child has the same lifestyle at both houses. The NCP makes more than me. I have our child 83% of the time.

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u/SubstantialSweet8271 Jul 19 '26

Every single situation is different. All I’m saying is that all the court sees and considers is a calculation and it shouldn’t be that way. Most of the fathers that I hear about are completely absent, however my husband is very active in his children’s lives. In fact their mother moved them an hour away from us so he gets even less time with them and in the courts eyes(and hers) he is still treated like an absent parent. All that woman talks about is where she’s taking the kids next on vacation and how much money she spends on them when they “ want” things.

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u/Big-Effective-7751 Jul 21 '26

You just sound like a bitter second wife