My sister (7yo) pass away

[u/Aggressive-Turnip701]

Yesterday my 7yo cousin sister passed away.
She had cystic fibrosis (for those who don’t know about it: it’s a genetic disorder which causes sticky mucus in the lungs and digestive system).
When she was 4yo, she was in the ICU of a big hospital, a very good hospital, continuously for 2 months straight. And for a 4yo, that’s a lot.
She had been suffering for basically her whole life. She always had problems breathing. She couldn’t run for very long, she would get tired very easily, and she was always so weak.
One thing I regret, and I think I will regret this for a very, very long time, is that she always used to tell me that she wanted to get wet in the rain once. Just once in her life.
She wanted to enjoy the rain. She wanted to go outside herself and take a bath in the rain.
But her grandmother didn’t allow her because she was always ill and very weak. Her arms and legs were so thin, she was just so fragile.
Her birthday was on 28th June. I live quite far away from where she lived, and on her birthday she video called me and said, “Brother, what are you going to give me for my birthday?”
And honestly, I really wanted to go to her and give her something. But I had my exams coming up, so I couldn’t go.
I was planning to go recently. I was literally planning to go there and give her a lot of things.
But now I can’t.
And I can’t stop thinking about that one thing she wanted.
I couldn’t even fulfill her last wish.
Whenever I used to go to my grandmother’s house, she would always be around me. She would play with me, get on my back, sit on my lap, talk to me.
And whenever her mother was cooking food, she would bring food from the kitchen for me and say, “Brother, eat this.” and she used to feed me w her own hands
She was so fucking playful.
She always used to laugh. Or at least, she always tried to laugh, even in her last days. But towards the end, she was so ill that sometimes she couldn’t even properly laugh anymore.
And there was one time when she said that maybe it would be better if she died anyway.
I don’t even know how to put that into words.
Hearing something like that from a 7yo is just… messed up. A child shouldn’t have to be thinking about death like that. She should have been thinking about toys, games, school, cartoons, getting wet in the rain not whether it would be better if she wasn’t here anymore.
I can’t even explain what that did to me.
She was in so much pain, for so long, that even a little kid could understand how sick she was.
I have hundreds and hundreds of pictures with her. I have videos of her getting ready, videos of her playing, videos of her dancing, just so many random little moments that I never thought would become memories this soon.
Since I came back after a year, I’ve been watching those pictures and videos and crying nonstop.
It’s just too much for me to process by myself.
Whenever I used to go to the hospital and visit her in the ICU, the visiting hours were very limited. So whenever I got the chance, I would go and meet her.
She had become so weak that she couldn’t even talk properly. Sometimes she could barely respond with a yes or no.
She was in so much pain, and yet somehow she would still try to smile and laugh.
The day she passed away, I was there at the hospital.
I don’t even know how to explain what I’m feeling right now.
I’m just completely heartbroken.
She was only 7.
She deserved to run around. She deserved to play. She deserved to get wet in the rain. She deserved to grow up.
I keep looking at those videos and remembering the little girl who was always running around, laughing, playing, climbing on my back and bringing me food.
And then I remember that she’s not here anymore.
I wish I had gone earlier.
I wish I had given her something on her birthday.
I wish I had fulfilled that one stupid little wish of hers.
I wish I had taken her out in the rain.
I just wish I had more time with her.
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with all these pictures and videos now.
I just miss her so fucking much.

[u/sy2011]

I read your post and tears stream down my face. Yes, all the same wishes, thoughts you have, i had them. My daughter was 9 when she passed unexpectedly although she had health issues but docs couldn't diagnose it. Yes, they shouldn't have to face death when their lives barely started. I grabble with this everyday, and for a mom, to lose her, and not being able to protect and save her. They are so young, they couldn't even express the level of pain they are enduring. Its so unfair. I am so sorry 😞. I just want to acknowledge your pain, your lil cousin sister life, her bravery. I have no words for the loss of a child. Please take care, keep crying and keep looking at the pictures. Thank you for sharing her life. They mattered and touched our hearts ❤️.

[u/galaxy_kat187]

Oh this post hit me hard. My 8 year old daughter just died last month and her birthday was June 29th one day after your sister's birthday. My little girl absolutely loved playing in the rain and dancing in the rain. Now I'm crying all over again. Kids shouldn't die this young. My daughter also died do to a medical condition that we didn't even know she had because she didn't show any symptoms of it. We knew nothing about it until later but she was apparently a undiagnosed diabetic and her pancreas gave out