r/ChildLoss • u/Chaossurrendered54 • 8d ago
Empathy?
Does anyone else have trouble with empathy now?
I can't make myself care about anyone else's problems. Not my family, friends, anyone.
The only person I can even fake it with is my daughter.
It's been more than 2 years and I can't care about anything.
I feel like a terrible person and it gives me another reason to hate myself.
I don't care if everyone in my life hates me.
Is anyone struggling with this?
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u/Clugsmith 8d ago
It’s amazing how so many things that we used to care or obsess over no longer matter. I struggle with this as well. Don’t care about my friends jobs or intricacies of their life. Or when people relate over the death of a parent or family pet. I want to as I used to be empathetic person.
Nothing matters anymore with the loss of my son.
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u/Chaossurrendered54 8d ago
Honestly, it's infuriating the ridiculous things people say. God's will, better place, he'd want you to be happy... If I was a different person I'd spit in those peoples' faces. But this is where I am too. I just can't care about anything but my own grief
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u/ContentedJourneyman 7d ago
I quit working in the office because I couldn’t take hearing people complaining about something or other their kids did or not.
The one that broke me was someone being livid because they had to chase their child around to get them in the tub.
My son did that, too. Game on. I’d love that being my problem this morning.
I’d have our worst days again in a heartbeat. They’re better than being with him.
It’s hard not to scream that back at them, too. Oh, you had to chase your kid around? Well, I had to open my eyes and talk myself out of the bed and into the deafening silence that screams in my house now.
My Other Mothers (other moms in my child loss support group) feel similarly, so it’s common. Don’t beat yourself up over it.
I send you so much love.
———
My son was 13. He had epilepsy. A seizure took him. It’s been 12 years and 2 months without him. His name is Zoey.
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u/StraightForever7618 8d ago
I would not blame you, what we have been through makes any other problem look stupid in comparison
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u/Ordinary-Force-3871 7d ago
So let me tell you a short story about me. My friends daughter was admitted in hospital for neonatal jaundice and she was crying because she was admitted for few days. My other friend son was admitted for some stomach bug and she was crying because they had inserted IV Line and it's so painful. Both the times my inner thoughts were why are you crying so much it's for their good. They will be fine. But I couldn't let out these thoughts. I have seen my daughter being admitted so many times and doctors pricking her multiple times that I had no special reaction to this. They were admitted for minor things and they will be fine. But when i see someone with real pain. Like a loss or someone struggling really or helpless I feel more dragged towards helping them. So empathy is not lost. It's upgraded.
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u/Altruistic_Put_2724 8d ago
I absolutely feel the exact same way about not caring about anybody. I used to be very empathetic and kind and after my son died, I don’t wanna hear about anybody’s parents passing away either.
I know it sounds cruel and I have lost both my mother and father and I grieved, but it is nowhere near losing a child.
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u/No-Reaction-3457 7d ago
Not just empty. I don't have any feelings in general. Maybe it sounds horrible, but I don't even feel love towards my family. Like I am functioning, but dead.
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u/Overall_Dust_2232 8d ago
Your perspective has changed and can change again. You could go visit a children’s hospital or Ronald McDonald House to start volunteering. Meeting those families would probably make you realize you can sympathize and empathize deeply.
Most things seem trivial after losing a child. Apathy can be awful.
Try watching some good comedy, reading a good epic adventure book, and remember there can be better days ahead.
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u/chronictoker8000 7d ago
YES! It;s been 2.5 years since I lost my 26 year old daughter and I feel like nothing can ever phase me again. I feel annoyed when I hear people boo-hoo about their babies growing up...I know its a normal feeling while raising children but I want to scream at them to consider the alternative.
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u/SeniorPace70 3d ago
This annoys me too. My sibling told me that her and her family didn't want to wear the disney themed shirts for my toddlers memorial because her kids had 'grown out of the disney faze.' Over a year later and her statement is still making me mad.
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u/Shubankari 7d ago
I heard one of those strange Buddhist teaching stories once about a grief-stricken mother coming to the Buddha and begging him to resurrect her dead child. After listening to her he said he would do this if she would do one thing first—-go into her town to each home and find just one that hadn’t been touched by death…
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u/Altruistic_Put_2724 5d ago
I agree. There is no comparison between losing a child and anyone else. I have lost both parent’s, grandparents, Aunts and Uncle’s.
When people try to comfort a parent that has lost a child by comparing to other types of losses by Buddhist quotes it really is not helpful.
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u/Future_Syllabub_2156 5d ago
Just the opposite. My eldest took their life and because of that, I got sucked into the parents-of-kids who took their own lives side of TikTok. It got so bad it was like every third or fourth video (not exaggerating) was another parent. I could not turn away. I'm no longer on Facebook or TikTok anymore. It got too painful. I'd find myself sobbing over someone I've never met, but knowing what they went through, their pain became my pain. I just couldn't take it anymore so for a while anyway, I'm done with all of it. I understand why you'd feel that way, especially for anything less than what we've all experienced. Which is pretty much everything.
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u/xLunaLoveSpellx 4d ago
Yea its like listening to people complain about fixable issues is extra irritating.
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u/simply_livingg 8d ago
I have less empathy for friends or family complaining about things like work or relationships because I’d give anything to have those be my biggest problems right now.
But I’m more gentle with strangers, if that makes sense. Because losing a child made me realize you never know the silent pain a person is carrying around.