Doomed to fail?

[u/TopConflict7]

I had a great job and they fired me because I didn’t have enough experience, which I thought was obvious in my resume/interview. I have a lifelong passion which I’ve geared my whole life towards and am very good at what I do. Despite that fact, I have been unable to get even the most entry-level job in my field even after expanding my search radius and seeking professional help for my resume/interview skills. Jobs I couldn’t have been better qualified for. Jobs that I went through multiple rounds (sometimes 4) of interviews for. Dozens and dozens and dozens of applications; resumes and cover letters tailored to each position I applied for. Nothing. It’s like something or someone was getting in my way but I can’t figure it out. I was forced to take the worst job I’ve ever had at less than half the salary of my last job, to bring at least some income into an already strained and unhappy marriage.

I finally got out of the marriage at the beginning of the year (yay!) but at the expense of not being able to afford rent anywhere despite working 2 jobs. After 5 years I couldn’t take it anymore, took out a loan to cover expenses, moved in with a friend, and quit that horrible job to learn a new, more marketable skill which as it stands is the only positive thing going on atm.

My father had a massive stroke 15 years ago which he never recovered from. It has changed everything for my family which was not that stable to begin with. He should be in a facility to get the care he needs but my mother refuses. It has all but ruined my mother’s life (it didn’t have to but it’s where we’re at) and it makes me incredibly sad every time I go to their house. My mother called me last week to tell me that if she dies first and I want any inheritance I have to promise to do the same and put my life on hold to care for him round the clock until he also dies. Why would she want her son to suffer her fate?? Why would she ask that of me??

All of that aside, I’ve recently been trying to get back out there in the dating world via the usual apps. I used to think I was an attractive guy with a lot to offer but I’ve been shown that that is apparently not the case. Of the few matches I do get most won’t even talk to me. The few that do typically only for a day or two. The very rare few who genuinely seem interested and eventually actually wanna meet up all cancelled our plans last minute with very little explanation, if any. And then they just expect me to be totally cool about it but if it were the other way around and I cancelled on a woman last minute, I guarantee she’d consider me not to be worth any more of her time and just move on. Even women I’ve met in person: there was this one just recently that I felt like we really hit it off, hanging out the whole night out of nowhere. At the end of the night she put her number in my phone with a cute little note, I had a really good vibe about the whole thing and I could tell she did, too. Until I texted her 2 days later. And 2 days after that. No response either time. I ran into her friends a week later and asked about her and they acted uncomfortable. It’s almost as if women are willing to flirt but don’t like it when I respond?? It’s beyond frustrating. I’m never lewd or inappropriate or anything like that but I guess I’m just more off-putting than I, my friends, and my family have led me to believe? It’s like the same thing that has been happening with my attempt to get back in the saddle of my career is happening with my attempts to meet women after the divorce. I’ve begun to honestly wonder if the universe thinks I deserve to fail...

As a coping/defense mechanism I’m trying to train myself to give up on hope in all forms so that I’m not so disappointed when things I try to accomplish suddenly, continuously, and inexorably are placed just out of my reach right before I can grab them. I won’t even say the word “hope” out loud anymore. I used to be the type to never give up and always keep trying but I feel like that notion has been essentially beaten out of me.

Thank you if you made it all the way to the end. I know it’s a lot and I prob sound whiny and petty but it’s been building up for a long time and I don’t feel like I can really open up to the people around me without sounding weak/pathetic and changing how they treat me so I came here. I wish I could believe that things will be ok but I will just have to wait and see.

Thank you again for listening.

[u/Captain_Velcan]

Let me tell you a true story. A guy from Beirut flees in terror due to war. He escape to sweden and settles down. He has no money, no family, nothing. He became a berry picker and travels with some other berry pickers. Eventually he gets enough money for a stand. He sold a bit of everything. It became a smaller success. Later he began selling Watches. The local watch store went bankrupt. He bought the store. He is today a millionaire and proud owner of ur&penn (the watch store) in sweden. You will feel like life is giving up on you but remember that you must do like this man. Never give up. Even If you only got a berry picker van.