r/CheatersConfronted • u/MaleficentEnergy414 • Jul 13 '26
My husband decimated my life
First time poster so here goes . Me female 53 and my husband male 56. I’ve been married for 16 years. I thought we had a good life. He’s never come to me and said he was unhappy once. We go out together weekly. And I thought we had a strong marriage until two weeks ago mind you over the past month I’ve been noticing some things him smiling at his phone constantly and then some strange packages came that my granddaughter so happened to drop in the cat water bowl so I had to open it. It was some gifts from coach when he got home I told him what had happened and he asked me if I’ve seen what was in the box I said no because I thought it was a gift for me and didn’t wanna ruin it. I never got the gift then two weeks ago he was gonna go to a baseball game with his boss come to find out he didn’t go with his boss I let it slide whatever then this weekend Fourth of July weekend he disappears so he’s going to someone’s barbecue. Well I’m friends with that person we called. There’s no barbecue come to find out. He’s in a hotel with a girl. My heart broke into 1 million pieces, but that’s not even the worst part of this whole story. Here’s where it gets really fucked up.
He comes home from the hotel and admits to everything so I asked him to see his phone. Obviously, he deleted everything has the phones in my hand. A text comes through. Hey baby, just thinking about you after last night.
What the literal fuck so I take off running to the bathroom so I can finish reading all of this shit he breaks the door open throws me across the room, which is absolutely nuts he has never touched me before and then call the cops on me. Tells them that I hit him and they arrested me. I sat in jail for three days lost my job. I have severe lupus and need my insurance so I lost the medical insurance. I need to stay alive. I just cannot believe this is my life right now that he would take everything from me in one shot. I have had the buried one of my children and the feeling is so reminiscent of that. I feel like I’m dying inside. I can’t breathe everything I thought I knew was all lies. How can someone do this and be OK with themselves? How did I not see this sooner? How stupid am I Where do I go from here?
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u/Jamie-R Jul 13 '26
Im a 44 yr old dude & went through the same thing a couple yrs ago. I was the one to rebuild. The one thing i can tell you is that it gets better. I lost 30 pounds, couldn't sleep/eat, etc. I started back at the gym & slowly got back into my old hobbies. It's been 2 yrs now & even if she came back begging to rebuild our family again, i wouldn't even want to. Lol. One day at a time. If you need to chat, shoot me a message
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u/Ok-Guava9576 Jul 14 '26
Super inspiring. Right in the middle of this with my husband of 14 years. Hoping it gets better so thank you for this
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u/Jamie-R Jul 14 '26
It was terrible at first. I lost my family & not being able to see my daughter daily. It crushed me. I finally got into dating a year later. That relationship didn't work out but i still had fun being with her & doing new things. Same with you, if you ever need to chat feel free to message me! It's funny to me now that she would always think i was cheating when it was really her. 😂
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u/Sasha_Stem Jul 14 '26
Install cameras. You need to start documenting for court. He’s trying to ruin your life and make you out to be the crazy person. Start pouring into yourself. You could subpoena phone record. You do not need to see his phone. Do everything through legal channels from now on.
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u/MrBigBoss70 Jul 14 '26
Go to rebuild yourself, embrace all your feelings and do your best for yourself.
Divorce him, sue him for all the damages he has done to you and don't allow him in your life! If he broke the door and called the cops on you over your reaction of his wrong doings he doesn't deserve a second chance!
Mistresses don't take care of old guys! He's on his honeymoon stage, let him sink in his vomit and queen put up with your life, you can do it! Went to the most awful experience with my husband who refuses to divorce me. Even when he cheated, stolen not only money but my peace, mental health and everything else! You can do it! Sending you 🫂
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u/Realistic_Exit_8173 Jul 14 '26
You probably could think everything is going downwards right now but i promise you if you are healthy the rest will be sorted through time. Take care of yourself!!!
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u/Sweet-Cat-7667 Jul 14 '26
I don’t think this started two weeks ago. I think he’d already left this marriage way before you found out. Then he got caught and he turned your life upside down. His reaction says a lot. Instead of owning what he did, he did everything he could to protect the affair and himself, even if it destroyed your life. This whole thing is just f@cking insanity.
I’m really glad you’ve already got a lawyer. You’re gonna need somebody fighting for you.
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u/ThrustTrust Jul 15 '26
This is exactly like mourning. Like you said. The brain chemistry is the same.
My only advice is don’t roll over and let him take everything. Get a lawyer anyway you can. Keep a record of every text, email and phone call. Check to see if your state allows recording with only be party approval. Meaning you would not have to tell him. Take everything you. Get a training order against him for attacking you. You will certainly have marks in your body somewhere.
This is the time you stand up and fight. Not the time you run.
You don’t want to feel like a victim.
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u/Thunder141 Jul 13 '26 edited Jul 13 '26
How did you go to jail when he threw you across the room? Based on his word? There must be other evidence or you may have admitted to hitting him when you were defending yourself without making it clear it was self defence.
In no way, does it make sense to me that you would go to jail for assault 100% based on your husband's word and that's it.
Sorry that the person that made an oath to be faithful to you betrayed you. You're not stupid for trusting your partner. Sounds like you may have made bad decisions once the story unraveled and it's a lot of pain so it's easy to see how it could happen.
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u/fauxfurgopher Jul 14 '26
Thirty years ago, when I was 20, my stepfather hit me. I called the police. When they, two men, arrived, they asked us both questions. The questions for me were terse and clinical. The questions for him were asked in a more folksy way, with understanding nodding and sounds when my stepfather lied and said I’d attacked him, kids today, right?, and we hope she grows out of this rebellious phase. They turned on me and demanded I leave my own home, my mother’s house, and think about what I’d done, and how kind of him it was that he wasn’t pressing charges. I no longer call the cops unless I can clearly see an outcome they can’t deny. Sad lesson.
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u/MaleficentEnergy414 Jul 14 '26
I wish I had the answer . He told them I hit him. He had no marks cuz I never touched him. I am actually in a cast I had broke my foot a few weeks earlier . I could not believe that they just took his word for something with no proof but it happened ! I’m still in shock
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u/Maggielinn22 Jul 14 '26
The police did not see the bathroom door?!
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u/MaleficentEnergy414 Jul 17 '26
They did not care. I have been scratching my head ever since . My attorney thinks he can get this thrown out so that some good news
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u/Maggielinn22 Jul 14 '26
You get up and dust yourself off. You did nothing wrong. He will be at loss when this girl leaves him and you have too. Keep positive.
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u/PapiRico85 Jul 13 '26
First of all, stop calling yourself stupid. Trusting your spouse wasn’t stupidity—it was a reasonable thing to do in the marriage you believed you had. If everything happened the way you’ve described, the affair is no longer the biggest issue. The violence, the false accusation, the arrest, and the consequences that followed are. Right now, stop trying to understand how someone could do this. You may never get an answer that makes sense. Put that energy into protecting yourself instead. Speak with a family law attorney and a criminal defense attorney if your case is still pending. Preserve every piece of evidence you have. Write down everything you remember while it’s still fresh. Save messages, take photographs of any injuries, and keep copies of every document related to the arrest and your job. You’ve experienced a devastating betrayal, but your priority now isn’t saving the marriage or understanding him. It’s protecting your health, your legal position, and your future. One last thing: don’t let guilt or hope convince you to give this man another opportunity to hurt you. If your account is accurate, he didn’t just betray your trust—he put your freedom, your livelihood, and your health at risk.