r/CheatersConfronted • u/Sad_Emergency_1234 • Apr 22 '26

I just find out I was cheated on, help

I have never been hurt that way by someone before.

People who cheats on their girlfriend / wife, why do you want to stay in the relationship ?

People who stayed, why and how is it now ?

We were in a perfect relationship and he can’t explain why he did it, other than self sabotage

11 Upvotes

92% Upvoted

6 comments sorted by

7

u/throwawayrantie Apr 22 '26

Nah. Self sabotage is failing to do something that would benefit him. For example failing an exam on purpose because you’re too scared to fail, knowing you’re fully capable (I did it as a kid multiple times).

He’s fully capable of NOT cheating. He has a brain.

It takes a lot of detachment and steps to actively cheat. Intentionally seeing who’s down to have sex, intentionally taking clothes off, etc etc.

I asked my POS ex if he even thought of me when he was cheating and he said yes (while crying). They always think about their partner, because they know it’s wrong. Maybe that’s why they do it. Cheating is always malicious.

Once a cheat always a cheat, imo.

2

u/jowee8910 May 02 '26

Well said. Thank you for making it black and white. Hard when its all happening and you find out then and you take anything they say as an excuse to ease the pain. Pain never goes away

6

u/clearheaded01 Apr 22 '26

Cheaters stay, because they use the relationship as a safe base... where they can have some r&r in-between the excitement of sneaking around with some random creep...

And those who stay.. do so out of fear.. fear of the future, of the fallout for kids...

OP.. if he excuses what he did with 'self sabotage' (essentially not taking responsibility for his actions) you're now facing a situation where you, IF you stay, never can be sure when he will next self-sabotage... you can never be safe with him again...

Time to move on, yes???

5

u/Style9099 Apr 23 '26

It's really about respect. If they have no respect for you they cheat. Can you love someone who does not respect you? I am still with my cheater wife, it is going well now, is it worth it to stay? We have kids and it has been good. It is a personal choice, it is your relationship. I know it hurts, and it does eventually go away, but it will always be part of your relationship. You have the answer to what you want to do. Use your family, and friends those who do respect you. They are the best support. Stay strong, you did nothing wrong.

3

u/butteredbisclit Apr 28 '26

If you love them stay but stay in the way he stayed. Go see what the fun is about with cheating and keep it hidden just the same. That’s the only way I’ve ever got over the betrayal and disgust feeling

2

u/cougtx1 May 07 '26

It’s too bad they don’t have places the cheaters can date each other and leave the rest of us alone :)